Mathematician, alignment researcher, doctor. Reach out to me on Discord and tell me you found my profile on LW if you’ve got something interesting to say; you have my explicit permission to try to guess my Discord handle if so. You can’t find my old abandoned-for-being-mildly-infohazardously-named LW account but it’s from 2011 and has 280 karma.
A Lorxus Favor is worth (approximately) one labor-day’s worth of above-replacement-value specialty labor, given and received in good faith, and used for a goal approximately orthogonal to one’s desires, and I like LessWrong because people here will understand me if I say as much.
Apart from that, and the fact that I am under no NDAs, including NDAs whose existence I would have to keep secret or lie about, you’ll have to find the rest out yourself.
I read this pretty soon after you posted it and have been thinking about it a lot about it in snatches ever since. I think it’s pointing at something important. Here’s a few things adjacent to it, or important components of it, or something like that. I think you will find them useful, @johnswentworth .
A belief in a Tomorrow which is worth living in, such that set-up actions are worth taking that wouldn’t otherwise be worth at all.
A belief that you can, in fact, just do things—do new things, do things that play off of old things, do things for yourself that other people don’t care enough about to go do themselves.
“This thing did not exist, and I needed it to. No one else was going to make it do, so I did it myself (or maybe got someone else to help or follow my plans).”
I think this is where people are coming from when they recommend makerspaces. I, too, recommend makerspaces, but also see later on about the League of Nondark Evil
“What happened to that guy? Where’s the part of me which did that sort of thing?”
Is this about personal augmentation and power? About maniacal scientific self-experimentation? About planning and enacting? Which of those feels right? (Or some secret fourth thing.)
All of these have different overlapping sets of things-to-try.
A desire to be part of a community, some kind of League of Evil-but-not-Dark, of other people taking unilateral actions that they think best, and somehow still getting along with each other and spurring each other on, to grander Evil Schemes
Evil here should be best understood in the sense of “self-centered, unilateral, directed towards empowerment (with others’ potential suffering treated as an externality/side-effect/out-of-scope rather than a desideratum, which would instead be Dark).
Something about depression and mental health, and having the link between desire and fulfillment have atrophied or been cut
I think this is where people are coming from when they recommend buproprion. I can’t recommend it out of a lack of experience but asking a psych about it is on the top of that particular to-do sublist’s stack.
More expressively and precisely, less neatly: Having your brain’s predictive-engine+mental-effort-budgeter be negatively-biased regarding the predicted outcomes of plans and thus clamp down on your precious supply of Gumption, and being horrified and sad about that, and wanting to do something about that, and being trapped by that very same piss-trickle of Gumption you’re now limited to.
A desire for personal empowerment/enrichment/?command?; a syntonia related to resourcefulness and curiosity and clean planning/execution/development loops?
Anyway: I like the vibe. It’s something that I feel pretty strongly and to some extent I think it’s what a lot of my hobbies are pointed at pursuing, in a variety of ways. Wizard Power seems like an important spiritual vitamin, and both one that it can be hard and finnicky to get and also not one it seems like everyone really needs. I need it, and it sounds like you need it.
I endorse cooking being one of a handful of workable sources of standout-seeming magic wizard power in this way. I think it’s worthwhile to try and I am happy to help you and maybe other people who I know and who ask me to, to do some interesting/fun cooking projects. At some points in my life, getting to play around experimenting with foods has been my main source of that felt sense of soul-nourishment, or at least a pica-replacement for it. Cloning recipes is one option; for a cantrip, if you don’t already tinker with technically-prepared food (canned soups, say, or ramen), you can start. I could talk about cooking projects I’ve done in the past, if that helped?
I also really like the idea of “let’s do a thing-you-can-in-fact-just-do and become more capable/powerful/knowledgeable, in a fairly fun and lighthearted way, rather than just while away this period of time in dissipated enjoyment”. If you end up seriously doing something of this type during the Lighthaven Festival Season or something, I will very likely participate seriously. Sewing would be a good one—I don’t really know how and I value tailoring and the fabric arts all the more for it; loved ones like @WhatsTrueKittycat and both grandmothers have won my heart with the Wizard Power of their enduring fiber arts and ongoing repairs thereto. I’ll keep an eye out for if you end up doing that.