tinyanon

Karma: 481

tinyanon Jul 17, 2020, 4:39 PM
11 points
in reply to: snog toddgrass’s comment on: My Mating Plan ala Geoffrey Miller
I think there are a few reasons this post got a comment like Rafael’s but your others didn’t.
Any community that is about dating seems to attract the kind of people needed to turn it into /r/theredpill. So I see the need to post places like here although they need to be more infrequent as not to turn this place sour in the same manner. This is perhaps the inflection point where it has hit too many posts in too short a time.
There does seem to be more risk of violating “do no harm” here than your other posts. You mention trying to seek out a positistion teaching GRE materials where you could flirt with someone you have some level of authority over and seeking out black women who often have insecurities over how they are viewed in regards to what is conventionally considered attractive in America. Seeking out a power imbalance can put you in positions where you hurt someone.
Signaling does have a use. Leaving the article the same, but adding 1-4 additional sentences with signaling stuff just showing you know pick up artist type stuff can hurt people and that isn’t your intention would change the entire tone. People here don’t know you in person and we can’t pick up on body language so sometimes you really do just need to type out the virtues you had hoped people would assume you had. You did have more signaling of that in your first post. The way you talked painted a picture of a honest confused guy whereas these more fleshed out plans paints a serial pick up artist even though I know that isn’t your intention.
Personally, I did just want to call out that you should question the potential power balance of the GRE teaching situation and other than that don’t have many comments. There are some things I think aren’t optimally effective, but I generally think this stuff needs to be discovered through experimentation and too much borrowed power is bad for both people in the relationship. I left my advice on your first post vague when I could have given you a flowchart for a reason. I stick to calling out potential areas you may regret rather than optimizing the actual plan.

tinyanon Jul 10, 2020, 5:24 PM
8 points
in reply to: Adam Zerner’s comment on: Kelly Bet on Everything
I just don’t feel anything. I do have a certain logical appreciation that if I made a billion dollar company it would be impressive, I’d probably improve people’s lives with it, and I could buy more stuff (mostly donate I guess? I don’t have much else I need...) but I don’t feel anything. Those are the words I feel flowing through my head but I don’t feel any of the wordless feelings that make up my system 1.
Hell, I don’t even feel anything thinking about the pleasure I’d get from getting a peach from my kitchen and there’s a 95% chance the peach is good and ripe today. I just do it because I know I’ll have good feels once I actually have the peach. Which is enough to make me do something low effort like get a peach but not start a company.
Edit: If anyone was curious, the peach was indeed delicious

tinyanon Jul 10, 2020, 6:05 AM
14 points
on: Kelly Bet on Everything
I feel like one of the people you’re writing this for. 25. 900k NW yet still working a boring programming job for one of the top tech companies that I don’t care about. Last time I seriously tried at Tinder I had 5 dates planned in the first weekend and 112 matches in the first week yet I’m spending my time with a casual partner I’m lukewarm about. Every time I start a side project I go two days and then think “eh, I bet nobody will care about it” and stop. Besides the job the only reason to stay where I am is I like the swing dancing scene here but that’s closed with covid and I don’t like much else about here. In my hobbies I’ll get bored right before I’m impressive. Leaving just before world finals in ICPC. Switching to be more casual about my lifting a few pounds short of a state record.
I don’t need to start making Kelly Bets, I just need to start making bets period. I don’t know what it would take for me to start doing that. I have a friend who makes big bets and I look up to him but I don’t copy him. I think a big part is I just don’t really trust there to be payoff. I don’t feel like I’ll be much happier. I don’t expect any of my side project ideas will be that useful to people. Or maybe that’s just an excuse. I mostly feel blankness when I try and think of the tradeoffs so maybe there’s some emotional block about my inability to take risks? I’m not even sure where it would come from. Most of my problems I have an obvious source of trauma to blame it on but not here.

tinyanon Jul 2, 2020, 2:59 AM
3 points
in reply to: snog toddgrass’s comment on: I am Bad at Flirting; Realizing that by Noticing Confusion
Yep, I don’t think you’re completely wrong I just had those little bits to add. I support self-experimentation and liberal applications of the law of equal and opposite advice. Even towards my advice if you’re feeling saucy.

I also recommend reading The Game not because it’s actionable; but just because seeing the degenerate case when someone takes it too far and becomes an asshole instills some guard rails.

I don’t think talking about this stuff should be disallowed. Romance is such an important part of life and the right advice leads people towards increased compassion while no advice leads to the red pill.

tinyanon Jul 1, 2020, 12:50 AM
16 points
on: I am Bad at Flirting; Realizing that by Noticing Confusion
I think you’re still missing two things
1. We appreciate that cats are picky only after they pick us. The most charismatic people take slightly longer to smile when they see you, as if it was all the memories of you flooding into them and not just seeing a random person. We feel more heard when someone pauses slightly before responding. People don’t want you to be unavailable. They want you to become available because of something special about them. That’s incredibly validating. The solution isn’t just to try and be less interested in people, it’s to get genuinely curious about them and be interested in the unique parts of them you honestly think are special.
2. Many things cause strong emotions. Chasing, being chased, trying to change someone, commiserating over all the things going wrong in your life, etc.. Strong emotions can cause emotional relationships. Being the unavailable prize is one strategy, but it isn’t the only one. You should be able to come up with obvious examples of people who could be as available as they want and get suitors and people who’d still be unseen no mater how aloof. Be aware that any strategy will filter who is interested in you and that being successful in making a relationship happen is only really a success if you both enjoy it.

tinyanon Jun 13, 2020, 2:26 AM
4 points
in reply to: Thomas Kwa’s comment on: Thomas Kwa’s Bounty List
Curious, what do you consider your bottlenecks?

tinyanon Oct 10, 2019, 7:38 PM
2 points
on: “Mild Hallucination” Test
I have almost no experience with drugs. Used weed twice, have had maybe two dozen drinks in my life mostly separated by at least 3 months, and only had a month or so period in my life where I drank coffee.
I developed visual snow after spending a lot of time working with computers. If I can stay away from screens for a few days it goes away. I’ve been told by a doctor that it’s just eye fatigue leading to a poor ability to see contrast so solid colors look snowy with contrast that isn’t actually there. I don’t know enough about eyes to know for sure if that’s a plausible statement.

tinyanon Aug 27, 2019, 5:44 PM
38 points
on: Dual Wielding
Under The Law of Equal and Opposite Advice I’m going to say that some people spend too much dakka on things that are actively harmful and I’d recommend literally the opposite.
I use Google Fi so I can text/call from anywhere I have internet on any device and then I simply leave my phone off hidden in my car for emergencies. I keep a small pocket notebook for anything I need to write down. I do take my phone out for podcasts or audiobooks while cleaning but that’s it. If you have kids you probably do need to get a dumb phone to keep on you but otherwise no.
Phones destroy slack. They are not a compact cost and getting a smartphone was a horrible decision for me. Now I just write down what I’m interested in and check it when I get home. The things that were time wasters don’t make it on the list. I batch more so I only need to check things once. I take more time to sit and think and relax. This is the single best thing I’ve done for my happiness in the last year.

tinyanon Aug 21, 2019, 7:09 PM
3 points
in reply to: Kaj_Sotala’s comment on: Davis_Kingsley’s Shortform
Somewhat unrelated to that comment but:
After reading that article and the comments I still don’t buy monogamous relationships expecting their partner to fulfill all their needs. I have two besties, one male and one female, who both provide me things that I often lack in relationships. It still feels like the only difference between poly with a primary partner and monogamy is the sex/kink/cuddling* stuff. It feels like a strawman argument; but if I’m wrong this wouldn’t be the first time I misinterpreted someone in a situation like this.
*I considered excluding cuddling from this list, but it seemed disingenuous to count that one monogamous couple that cuddles everyone as representative of all monogamous people

tinyanon Aug 11, 2019, 7:03 PM
25 points
0
in reply to: Alexei’s comment on: Diana Fleischman and Geoffrey Miller—Audience Q&A
Topping from the bottom is more like backseat driving. Going in with the intention of being submissive and then micromanaging things during the scene. Knowing what you want, seeking it out, and describing it exactly before hand is just good communication.
I don’t think we need to find a way to describe why that kink would be evolutionarily advantageous or good sexual selection. People’s feelings leak from one part of who they are into every part of them so it’s completely possible for it to be a nonsexual part of them requesting to add that into their sex life. Which meshes well with how the more kinky someone is the less sex is actually included in their play.
In my experience people’s kinks are mostly related to their fears and insecurities. A chance to play them out and see that they are still loved. To see that your thoughts are real and valid and while they’re awful you’re still OK. Take the submissive high powered exec trope. Having an insecurity where you need to be strong and perfect and are awful until you’re the richest man in the world will really push you to get that CEO spot. But then in the bedroom they want to be weak and be loved for it not in spite of it. So I’d say the loser dom fetish is either “Even -he- can dom me, I’m that pathetic” or “I’ve pinned so hard for an ideal I’ll never have, here I am with someone like -him-”. Which can be really comforting when that side receives love and there’s no need to worry about being great/getting your ideal for a hour.
Note that I pull from a biased sample of the kind of people who are open about this with people like me. I also think my explanation currently is still too vague, there are too many kink/insecurity combinations that are easy to explain. I still need a way to constrain the predictions it makes a bit more.

tinyanon Aug 5, 2019, 11:00 PM
12 points
on: How to navigate through contradictory (health/fitness) advice?
“We don’t have replication crisis in exercise science because nobody expects any of the studies to replicate”—paraphrased joke from Eric Trexler. PhD, >30 publications in the field, pro bodybuilder, professional coach
So, a lot studies related to health&fitness are horrible. Without funding they are run on 20 random college students for the duration of a single semester. Measuring what they actually want to measure is usually expensive to impossible, so usually a proxy will be chosen without any formal proof that the proxy is accurate. In general everyone in every health and fitness study is unhealthy and almost any intervention will help them so there are a lot of studies showing that ~miracle training~ works but really it’s because literally anything would have helped.
But if I flail around in the space of possible exercise interventions for my musculoskeletal problems I honestly expect that to go pretty well.
A lot of bone things can’t really be fixed with exercise, only worked around. Most muscle things are made better by getting stronger. People achieve world class deadlifts with scoliosis because they’ve strengthened everything else so much that the scoliosis can be compensated for. Rarely your shoulder bones are in a shape where you’re basically guaranteed to get rotator cuff damage if you work in certain planes. So some bone things are just impossible to fix, that person will never be able to do the volume of overhead work as someone else. But like, when your tendon gets inflamed and starts to hurt you can just stop doing overhead work and avoid injury. Even if you push through it and get a small tear, most people over 40 have scar tissue in their rotator cuff and experience 0 negative symptoms. And the scoliosis dude is better than where he started. Sure he might need some surgery to make it go away for good, but he needed that beforehand too.
So don’t worry about doing the best thing. Cardio probably won’t help any skeletal issue, but is good for general health. Warmups are good but don’t need to be long. A lot of warmups are just a chance for your body to settle back into good form. For muscular issues, you generally want to work on the muscle+synergists+antagonists. The muscle that hurts, the ones that move with it, and the muscle that does the opposite motion all three need to be strengthened to allow that plane of movement to be painless. Lifting with a proper progression scheme is many many times better at strengthening muscles than the next best thing. Yoga type things are nice for old tendon injuries. Just doing movements all through the range of motion can help you learn to compensate. Also sometimes a muscle isn’t activating right causing other muscles to have to compensate for that muscle. That’s a bit harder to explain in a short post (at least, at my current skill level) but it’s worth looking into if you have range of motion issues that isn’t solved with training that area specifically.
Note that this is assuming you have some normal back pain. I used to have lordosis that was bad enough that it hurt to walk >5min. Through the power of deadlifts I have fixed it and now I have medals from powerlifting meets. But for “oh god, I spent a month writhing in agony level” issues please disregard my advice that was aimed at the general public and see a physical therapist who works with athletes and those are usually the best. They will be able to give you advice specific to your situation, including possibly saying “above my paygrade, get surgery”. Also nutrition and medication are harder, this applies more to physical interventions than other types.

tinyanon Aug 1, 2019, 6:00 AM
3 points
in reply to: Kaj_Sotala’s comment on: How to Ignore Your Emotions (while also thinking you’re awesome at emotions)
I’ve saved all the links for this weekend. Thanks for the post btw, the post/comments from you/Hazard have helped and given me a lot to think about. This is all kinda a new realization after a year where I handled this all really poorly so I’m happy to get opportunities to explore it like this.

tinyanon Aug 1, 2019, 5:30 AM
5 points
0
in reply to: Hazard’s comment on: How to Ignore Your Emotions (while also thinking you’re awesome at emotions)
I haven’t read it yet but I’ve saved all the links for this weekend.
I’m still not sure how “real” the dichotomy is for me. I think I understand and agree with what you’re saying about s1 and s2 just being different types of processing. But sometimes while control is transferring between me and notme it really feels like there are two people in my head. It’s not like how I can make two imaginary people to represent two subagents I know I have, it’s like a person who is already there and doesn’t need to be created. It’s my understanding that that’s not a super rare symptom, but that it’s also not normal. I’m not sure “meVSnotme” and “s2VSs1” are the same thing, but I map pretty well onto s2 and notme maps pretty well onto s1. I’m not sure how much this paragraph makes sense but I’m still figuring things out.
Thanks for the post btw, the post/comments from you/kaj have helped and given me a lot to think about. This is all kinda a new realization after a year where I handled this all really poorly so I’m happy to get opportunities to explore it like this.

tinyanon Jul 31, 2019, 8:40 PM
8 points
0
in reply to: Kaj_Sotala’s comment on: How to Ignore Your Emotions (while also thinking you’re awesome at emotions)
Well, notme has REALLY great examples for everyone being fragile. He can’t really come up with good reasons why hurting them is worth negative infinity points to me other than “Can you blame me?”. Which, no, no I can’t. He did the best one could expect of someone that age.
If I talk with notme about how not everyone is fragile, the only thing I have to offer is a hope that I’m just in a filter bubble and there’s some way to get out where people aren’t like this. He only gives a vague admission that’s a possibility. He feels very suspicious with the way I’m throwing around hope and hypotheticals. He also loses some confidence in me. Says I’m abandoning things and running away. The conversation ends here. I know that evidence points towards it being just a filter bubble, but notme really isn’t willing to have this discussion.
If I talk with notme about how it’s not his responsibility to make sure they stay undamaged… huh, he’s a little bit open to the idea that I could assign a very high but not negative infinity weight to the thought of hurting someone. Still suspicious, he’s asking for a concession in return, and he’s asking me to come up with what that concession is… but he’s slightly more open to lowering the weight when I acknowledge his venting a bit more first.

tinyanon Jul 31, 2019, 7:22 PM
70 points
0
in reply to: Raemon’s comment on: How to Ignore Your Emotions (while also thinking you’re awesome at emotions)
Sometimes you scrape your knee really badly and don’t notice. It’s nice to not feel the pain, but also you just bled all over the carpet and now your mom is mad at you because she has to scrub the carpet for 20 minutes to get the dried blood off it.
If you could notice you scraped your knee immediately, make a fair assessment as to what care the scraped knee needs, and then turn the feeling off that is a super power. Sometimes I do that and it’s awesome. But I don’t have the power to turn them back on. They turn back on when they want, not when I want. Now I’m stuck in a bad state until something shocks me out of it. Plus sometimes they turn off completely involuntarily like the worst habit one could ever have.
My symptoms might be slightly different than Hazard’s because I specifically relate to depersonalization symptoms but here are some negative things I deal with when I have involuntary disconnect.
1) Sometimes I try and move my body and nothing happens. I feel the sensations of movement, but my body doesn’t move. When my feelings turned off, so did everything else.
2) Sometimes I can’t empathize. I can logically say what someone is feeling, but I don’t feel any true empathy for them when I’m in that state. I can’t turn just my feelings off, my ability to feel other people’s emotions turns off too. It leads to me treating people like they are disposable. It leads to me not enjoying talking about other people, as feeling their feels is what makes that fun.
3) My memory is extremely bad. I don’t remember what I say when I’m depersonalized. If someone wants me to repeat something they liked, oh boy is that stressful because I have no clue what I said or if I could say something similar. I was completely unaware of how I treated people when depersonalized because I remember so little of it. I don’t really remember much from last August to this June to be honest.
4) Sometimes I feel inhuman. If I spend a long period of time not feeling anything, then I’ve kinda opted out of the human experience and it’s like why am I even bothering to be alive? I’m not suicidal, just kinda meh.
5) Sometimes I make a bad call when to turn it off on purpose. Someone will be upset, I’ll turn my feelings off so it doesn’t bother me, and then the problem comes back later when honestly if I had faced the feelings I would have come up with a solution to the issue.
6) I have a weird relationship with akrasia. Sometimes I am the master of akrasia, just turning off my feelings and doing it anyways! But then I stop caring enough to even do that. Until my system 1 turns back on my system 2 won’t even care enough to input a new command.
7) “Turn off feelings” for me is a bit of a simplification. It’s just like, the feelings were in notme (my system 1?) so when I separate from notme I don’t feel it but it’s still there in notme. And then when I reconnect with notme they’re calm enough that I don’t really notice them but they are still lurking around in very faint ways.
8) I stay in situations I shouldn’t. My natural reaction to a bad romantic experience is just to turn off my bad feelings and continue the relationship. Without the negative reaction there isn’t really anything pushing me to call things off. So I spend a lot of time sticking in things I shouldn’t.

tinyanon Jul 31, 2019, 6:15 PM
30 points
on: How to Ignore Your Emotions (while also thinking you’re awesome at emotions)
I relate to this a lot. Gonna skip over the young childhood stuff that started me on this path, but this really became an issue starting in high school. I was really stressed out trying to manage my girlfriend’s fragile mental state. Developed acid reflux and thought I was having a heart attack because I ate through the inner lining of my esophagus and breathing was extremely painful. So I picked up meditation. And without a teacher I only focused on quieting my “monologue of upsetness”. I had some symptoms of depersonalization before, but this is when it really developed into a full on disorder. And honestly until I realized it was a disorder I was quite proud of it. I’d leave my body and then I wouldn’t feel any pain, I’d just observe “notme” handling it. A downright superpower if you ignore all the horrible side effects.
Some thoughts on the ”..and now?” I’ve been wrestling with
1) Much like how I went “idk, I’ll just learn to stop feeling bad and then I can keep dating her” I’m now going “idk, I’ll just learn to stop worrying about the things that trigger me to feel nothing” which seems like it might just be a bandaid
2) Metta meditation seems to help a little. Focusing on having feelings instead of stopping them. It ended up having me come to my own parent-child model and when I offered notme to be his father that led to him calming down a lot. (notme ~= my system 1? I know there’s not actually another me, this is just how it ~feels~)
3) I’ve found a core belief of “People are fragile, I must be resilient or I’ll damage people” that is at the base of it all, but it’s not so easy to just knock out the belief at the base of yourself. notme still doesn’t believe that everything isn’t about to come crashing down because of someone else’s fragility. My internal double crux always gets down to this point and then notme says prove it and I don’t know how which leads me to...
4) Progressive overload is normally my answer to everything, but how? I can’t just sort people I know by how triggering they are to me and ask them to trigger me. It’s not the same in that context, and that’s not the most compassionate thing to ask someone to do. I’d have to find some way to naturally be in an environment I find triggering without feeling like I was using the people there. I’m probably not just being creative enough; or maybe I’m losing sight of the end goal by focusing on this and not trying to find other ways to convince notme everything is fine

tinyanon Jul 29, 2019, 7:03 PM
1 point
in reply to: Alexei’s comment on: Mapping of enneagram to MTG personality types
Is there a book or source you recommend? I really like the axises it chose so even if I end up disbelieving it I think I’d really enjoy knowing enough about it to discuss with people what ways they do/don’t fit.
Edit: reordering the columns to change my perceived importance of each column has -vastly- improved my opinion of the system and my interest in it has gone up. Except now this list says I’m grull (red/green) which has never appealed to me. Black/green/blue all the way.

tinyanon Jul 29, 2019, 6:15 PM
1 point
on: Mapping of enneagram to MTG personality types
Simic here: Never heard of enneagram before. I generally model people based on their fear so I like the axises it uses to evaluate people; but honestly every one of them feels like they fit except one and even then I could stretch it to kinda fit. Kinda like the Forer Effect ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect ). Posting mostly to combat publishing(?) bias where I expect you to only be able to find posts by people who fit the system really well.

tinyanon Jul 22, 2019, 10:56 PM
14 points
in reply to: Raemon’s comment on: Should I wear wrist-weights while playing Beat Saber?
5 years powerlifting, 5 years wrestling, 3 years BJJ, 2 years dancing (normally don’t count that, but for Beat Saber I guess it’s relevant?), and a spattering of other sports like climbing/hiking for shorter time periods. Have helped a small handful of friends get fit, the biggest success story dropping 100lbs and now being pretty decent at BJJ where he initially couldn’t walk over half a mile without a long rest.
Little formal training but I enjoy reading about the theory. I don’t have any particularly compelling example to give here. Just lots of books/articles/diagrams/studies/self-experiments spread out over that time. For an example of the kinda person I read look up any study review by Greg Nuckols.
The comments on safety I have a high amount of confidence in. They’re all things that follow directly from knowledge of anatomy. Tennis existing is convenient because it’s always nice to have a real world example to verify what the theory would predict.
The rest is half anecdotal half me trying to think about how similar-but-different studies I’ve read in the past could apply. Studies I thought about before replying were 1) even walks are enough to improve mortality 2) any study with short workouts with no long term progression plan show only minor body improvements 3) rotator cuff injuries are both surprisingly common and surprisingly benign 4) crossfit injury statistics are relevant since you’ll be going for speed and be fatigued at the end. Anecdotes I thought about include 1) my DDR playing friends certainly don’t go hard enough to match real cardio training, but they do more than just walks 2) I know a dozen tennis players, only one got tennis elbow, and it went away in a few weeks 3) Even people who do the Charleston all night don’t get biker-tier legs 4) Napkin math is enough to see this won’t be great for fat loss without diet changes
Also, there are health reasons to care about the muscle/fat stuff and not just cardio. Muscle mass has been linked pretty well to a reduced risk of alzheimer’s. Obesity has been shown to still increase mortality even controlling for cardiovascular ability.
The 80-20 rule applies though. Find a sport/activity you like (weighted Beat Saber counts imo), control your calorie input, and get a good variety of nutrients and you’ll be fine. If you have any reason to believe you’re in a risk group and need more I can help point you towards the right resources to read to evaluate that.

tinyanon Jul 22, 2019, 5:59 AM
13 points
in reply to: Raemon’s comment on: Should I wear wrist-weights while playing Beat Saber?
I put on Backside by Think Twice and grabbed some 2.5/5/10 lbs weights and did some playing around. I tried optimizing for including shoulder movement.
Safety:
10 lbs I wouldn’t do without a lot of working up to it. The thing to watch for is when you can’t stop the momentum of the weight then it’s time to lower it because the momentum can keep carrying a movement past your limit. I think 10lbs would probably actually give you tennis elbow if you consistently did it to a song that wasn’t super slow. 2.5lbs and 5lbs both felt fun and safe to me. I OHP 185lbs and deadlift 500lbs, so adjust based on your fitness level. Also note the more fatigued you are the higher your chance of injury. Pyramid sets are a nice way to account for that and your warmup all at once. Note that speed and form will always be a tradeoff; so when it comes to something fast like Beat Saber I expect nobody to ever work up to particularly large weights
Cardio Efficiency:
I definitely felt as though with 5lbs I would have only needed a few songs to get my cardio in but unweighted would take a while. Which it’s really fine either way. Endurance runners and sprinters both have great cardiovascular health. One is just more time efficient.
Muscle/Fat Efficiency:
I feel like doing this with 2.5lbs is actually a pretty nice rotator cuff exercise but even with 5lbs it felt mediocre at everything else. The farther away I held it the more shoulders it was, the closer I held it the more bicep/tricep. Also noticed some traps needed. I think to an untrained person you could get some muscle growth doing this with weights, but I’d rather people go into it expecting nothing and being happy with what they get considering the possibility for disappointment.