Angel: “If you’d like an example of something that offends me, putting words in my mouth is a good place to start.”
Eliezer: “Angel, I’m not arguing that you so generalized—let us both be careful not to put words into the other’s mouth.”
I believe this confusion is over the referent of “we” and “us” in the Eliezer’s statement, “So it is not that the truth is laid out plainly, and you see it, but we are blind. That is treating us as defective versions of yourself.” Eliezer meant Robin and himself; Angel read it to refer to all men.
In reply to Q1, I’d want to introduce new terminology like “implicit understanding” and “explicit understanding” (paralleling the use of that terminology in reference to memory). I’d say Sarah had explicit understanding (akin to a good student’s understanding of biology from a lecture course), but not implicit understanding (akin to a biology laboratory researcher’s understanding).
In reply to Q2, it really depends on what you (generic “you”) are trying to accomplish. It’s totally dependent on the person and the situation—there’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. Total cop-out, I know.