This writer of this essay (seen on Reddit) is a true practical rationalist and role model for all of us.
It’s not just because she made a good decision and didn’t get emotionally worked up. She was able to look behind the human level and all its status and blame games, see her husband as a victim of impersonal mental forces (don’t know if she knows evo psych, but she certainly has an intuitive grasp of some of the consequences) , and use her understanding to get what she wants. And she does it not in a manipulative or evil kind of way, but out of love and a desire to hold her family together.
It was Thanksgiving dinner that sealed it. My husband bowed his head humbly and said, “I’m thankful for my family.”
He was back.
And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself.
If I were that husband, I’d have tried to save my pride even if it meant abandoning the family, because once your pride is taken from you, it’s only a matter of time before all the other good things in your life get taken as well.
The author believes that her husband lost pride not for a good reason, but because “[m]aybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.” Do you disagree with her here? If not, how would getting a divorce have been a better solution than realizing that his wife was not the problem?
IMO the author is correct in her assessment. (Also for the record, I consider her actions admirable.)
I’m not saying that getting a divorce is necessarily preferable to staying in such a situation; only that I’d have done it if I saw absolutely no other way to regain pride. There are likely ways to regain pride that don’t involve divorce, like the author’s first suggestion of “go trekking in Nepal”, and of course I’d consider those carefully first.
This writer of this essay (seen on Reddit) is a true practical rationalist and role model for all of us.
It’s not just because she made a good decision and didn’t get emotionally worked up. She was able to look behind the human level and all its status and blame games, see her husband as a victim of impersonal mental forces (don’t know if she knows evo psych, but she certainly has an intuitive grasp of some of the consequences) , and use her understanding to get what she wants. And she does it not in a manipulative or evil kind of way, but out of love and a desire to hold her family together.
If I were that husband, I’d have tried to save my pride even if it meant abandoning the family, because once your pride is taken from you, it’s only a matter of time before all the other good things in your life get taken as well.
The author believes that her husband lost pride not for a good reason, but because “[m]aybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore.” Do you disagree with her here? If not, how would getting a divorce have been a better solution than realizing that his wife was not the problem?
IMO the author is correct in her assessment. (Also for the record, I consider her actions admirable.)
I’m not saying that getting a divorce is necessarily preferable to staying in such a situation; only that I’d have done it if I saw absolutely no other way to regain pride. There are likely ways to regain pride that don’t involve divorce, like the author’s first suggestion of “go trekking in Nepal”, and of course I’d consider those carefully first.