Much sympathy. Your chosen career is a risky one and there probably isn’t a way to make it safe—otherwise there would be even more writers than there are now. The way to avoid years of dread seems to me to have a good side job, one that leaves you with some energy to write. Some thoughts:
1) You may want to think about how you can overcome your disgust with all things economic—your parents poisoned that aspect of intellectual life, but economics is fairly well regarded here abouts—maybe you can salvage it for yourself by making it your own? Coming at it form a more LW perspective?
2) Can you just pull out from professional life? Start writing now, arrange to come in later, deliberately, so it doesn’t become a guilt trip for you? Live cheaply and just start writing? It sounds like you’ve got plenty of frustrations and stuff to write about—why not just write it, as therapy if nothing else?
3) Do you need to prepare for the fact that you may simply not be able to be a writer? Everyone starts down that road without knowing if they can do it—it’s a lottery. If I were you I’d try to confront that reality head on, and try to be process rather than results oriented.
4) Are you taking care of your life generally? Food, excersize, sleep? Generalized misery, for me, is usually about these things, rather than the causes—career, family etc., which my brain outputs when I ask it what’s wrong.
I will acknowledge there’s a huge component of pride in this. I don’t want to give my family an opportunity to tell me they were right in their choices all along. When I joined the publishing company after three years in various call centers, my brother described it as “finally seeing sense.”
pull out from professional life
You’ve no idea how much I envy backpackers, but the prospect of not having a secure paycheck terrifies me.
Live cheaply and just start writing
I live cheaply already; it’s just that I let previous roommates leech off me for too long and I’m still catching up with the effects of my misguided helpfulness.
plenty of frustrations and stuff to write about
Indeed, enough stuff for a thirty-season soap opera. But that’s not the kind of stories I’m interested in exploring, at least not too overtly. My story ideas have other questions to answer.
you may simply not be able to be a writer
I can write. I may never get published. I need to figure out how to use the former to fix the latter.
taking care of your life
True, I’m not getting enough sleep these days, which should be fixed next month after I deliver a huge assignment at the office and my final exams for this semester. I’m a non-smoking vegetarian teetotaler who has to walk a kilometer between home and the bus stop. I hope that counts.
I will acknowledge there’s a huge component of pride in this. I don’t want to give my family an opportunity to tell me they were right in their choices all along. When I joined the publishing company after three years in various call centers, my brother described it as “finally seeing sense.”
Your family was already either right or wrong. If you are choosing in order to not follow their advice, instead of choosing in accordance with what you think is the best way to achieve your goals, they are controlling you just as surely as if they were picking a career for you that wasn’t the best way to achieve your goals.
Being free of your parents means that you don’t worry about what they say.
I will acknowledge there’s a huge component of pride in this. I don’t want to give my family an opportunity to tell me they were right in their choices all along. When I joined the publishing company after three years in various call centers, my brother described it as “finally seing sense.”
You try to live up to the expectations of “friends who know important people in journalism and web media”, you feel bad for not having the degree you’d need, you feel bad about not living up to the “professional” expectations of your family. At the same time you give up opportunities to make a (probably decent) living with your first degree (and with it probably a chance to write more).
Be more proactive. You are responsible for your life now, and you are really responsible for your own feelings.
Do you think your parents and siblings would think they won if you changed field of work? Are you reading their minds and predicting their future minds? And would it change anything in your life if they won? Would you feel you lost and you’d be defeated if you did it? Really? Is there a rational reasoning behind this, implying you live in the present?
I will acknowledge there’s a huge component of pride in this. I don’t want to give my family an opportunity to tell me they were right in their choices all along. When I joined the publishing company after three years in various call centers, my brother described it as “finally seing sense.”
...
You’ve no idea how much I envy backpackers, but the prospect of not having a secure paycheck terrifies me.
That looks like a big conflict. You want a secure paycheck, but to you a secure paycheck means giving in to your family (and judging by your brother’s remark, that’s what it means to them also).
I don’t have any suggestions for solving that, but I do think that as long as you hold that conflict it’s going to be a big obstacle to moving in any direction.
I’m a non-smoking vegetarian teetotaler who has to walk a kilometer between home and the bus stop. I hope that >counts.
Actually, in my experience, the amount of exercise needed for strong benefits to mood and energy is about 20 minutes hard exercise (talking during becomes difficult), at least 4 days per week. You could take up running. Murakami swears by it.
I don’t have any suggestions for solving that, but I do think that as long as you hold that conflict it’s going to be a big >obstacle to moving in any direction.
This. It may help to see you lack of security as a fair price payed for your career. Others experienced it early, you simply have to deal with it later on. People have overcome far worse. Start meditating.
Much sympathy. Your chosen career is a risky one and there probably isn’t a way to make it safe—otherwise there would be even more writers than there are now. The way to avoid years of dread seems to me to have a good side job, one that leaves you with some energy to write. Some thoughts:
1) You may want to think about how you can overcome your disgust with all things economic—your parents poisoned that aspect of intellectual life, but economics is fairly well regarded here abouts—maybe you can salvage it for yourself by making it your own? Coming at it form a more LW perspective?
2) Can you just pull out from professional life? Start writing now, arrange to come in later, deliberately, so it doesn’t become a guilt trip for you? Live cheaply and just start writing? It sounds like you’ve got plenty of frustrations and stuff to write about—why not just write it, as therapy if nothing else?
3) Do you need to prepare for the fact that you may simply not be able to be a writer? Everyone starts down that road without knowing if they can do it—it’s a lottery. If I were you I’d try to confront that reality head on, and try to be process rather than results oriented.
4) Are you taking care of your life generally? Food, excersize, sleep? Generalized misery, for me, is usually about these things, rather than the causes—career, family etc., which my brain outputs when I ask it what’s wrong.
I will acknowledge there’s a huge component of pride in this. I don’t want to give my family an opportunity to tell me they were right in their choices all along. When I joined the publishing company after three years in various call centers, my brother described it as “finally seeing sense.”
You’ve no idea how much I envy backpackers, but the prospect of not having a secure paycheck terrifies me.
I live cheaply already; it’s just that I let previous roommates leech off me for too long and I’m still catching up with the effects of my misguided helpfulness.
Indeed, enough stuff for a thirty-season soap opera. But that’s not the kind of stories I’m interested in exploring, at least not too overtly. My story ideas have other questions to answer.
I can write. I may never get published. I need to figure out how to use the former to fix the latter.
True, I’m not getting enough sleep these days, which should be fixed next month after I deliver a huge assignment at the office and my final exams for this semester. I’m a non-smoking vegetarian teetotaler who has to walk a kilometer between home and the bus stop. I hope that counts.
[edited to fix spelling]
Your family was already either right or wrong. If you are choosing in order to not follow their advice, instead of choosing in accordance with what you think is the best way to achieve your goals, they are controlling you just as surely as if they were picking a career for you that wasn’t the best way to achieve your goals.
Being free of your parents means that you don’t worry about what they say.
You try to live up to the expectations of “friends who know important people in journalism and web media”, you feel bad for not having the degree you’d need, you feel bad about not living up to the “professional” expectations of your family. At the same time you give up opportunities to make a (probably decent) living with your first degree (and with it probably a chance to write more).
Be more proactive. You are responsible for your life now, and you are really responsible for your own feelings.
Do you think your parents and siblings would think they won if you changed field of work? Are you reading their minds and predicting their future minds? And would it change anything in your life if they won? Would you feel you lost and you’d be defeated if you did it? Really? Is there a rational reasoning behind this, implying you live in the present?
Try this “simplish” technique http://sourcesofinsight.com/how-to-use-the-triple-column-technique/
...
That looks like a big conflict. You want a secure paycheck, but to you a secure paycheck means giving in to your family (and judging by your brother’s remark, that’s what it means to them also).
I don’t have any suggestions for solving that, but I do think that as long as you hold that conflict it’s going to be a big obstacle to moving in any direction.
Actually, in my experience, the amount of exercise needed for strong benefits to mood and energy is about 20 minutes hard exercise (talking during becomes difficult), at least 4 days per week. You could take up running. Murakami swears by it.
This. It may help to see you lack of security as a fair price payed for your career. Others experienced it early, you simply have to deal with it later on. People have overcome far worse. Start meditating.