It all depends on the frame, and people are bad at explicitly navigating the game theory of various kinds of reciprocity. Imagine he had said something like the following:
“You saved me much more time and money, and I feel gratitude for that. I enjoy the thought of you having a nice lunch on me both as an expression of the gratitude and a kind of upvote for more such things happening in the future, since many mutually beneficially exchanges don’t happen due to relatively small amounts of social friction.”
I would have been happier with “I own you one. Let me know if you need a favor sometime.” Or even, “That was a big help, let’s grab lunch some time. On me.”
I think the monetization of social relationship where money is a poor substitute for what it is replacing—the exchange of personal considerations via personal actions. This isn’t to say I don’t value money either directly myself or as a very beneficial social institution. I just don’t see it as a universally applicable tool.
I am a fan of the whole “pay it forward” mentality when it comes to small(ish) social consideration or others. I see that very much in a networks effect type situation where even if I don’t receive the favor from the person I gave on to, if they passed that on (and especially if they adopt a similar attitude towards other) then I will like be paid back several fold in the future. I don’t see money working quite the same way in these situations. I think it become too much of an “at distance” exchange that ends up potentially separating us, or at least not serving to really bring anyone together. I see the like-for-like exchange of favors working in that direction.
It all depends on the frame, and people are bad at explicitly navigating the game theory of various kinds of reciprocity. Imagine he had said something like the following: “You saved me much more time and money, and I feel gratitude for that. I enjoy the thought of you having a nice lunch on me both as an expression of the gratitude and a kind of upvote for more such things happening in the future, since many mutually beneficially exchanges don’t happen due to relatively small amounts of social friction.”
I would have been happier with “I own you one. Let me know if you need a favor sometime.” Or even, “That was a big help, let’s grab lunch some time. On me.”
I think the monetization of social relationship where money is a poor substitute for what it is replacing—the exchange of personal considerations via personal actions. This isn’t to say I don’t value money either directly myself or as a very beneficial social institution. I just don’t see it as a universally applicable tool.
I am a fan of the whole “pay it forward” mentality when it comes to small(ish) social consideration or others. I see that very much in a networks effect type situation where even if I don’t receive the favor from the person I gave on to, if they passed that on (and especially if they adopt a similar attitude towards other) then I will like be paid back several fold in the future. I don’t see money working quite the same way in these situations. I think it become too much of an “at distance” exchange that ends up potentially separating us, or at least not serving to really bring anyone together. I see the like-for-like exchange of favors working in that direction.
yeah I think the crux is something like the feeling that the money closes out other dimensions rather than being in addition to other dimensions