I recently discovered the idea of driving all blames into oneself, which immediately resonated with me. It is relatively hardcore; the kind of thing that would turn David Goggins into a Buddhist.
Gemini did a good job of summarising it:
This quote by Pema Chödron, a renowned Buddhist teacher, represents a core principle in some Buddhist traditions, particularly within Tibetan Buddhism. It’s called “taking full responsibility” or “taking self-blame” and can be a bit challenging to understand at first. Here’s a breakdown:
What it Doesn’t Mean:
Self-Flagellation: This practice isn’t about beating yourself up or dwelling on guilt.
Ignoring External Factors: It doesn’t deny the role of external circumstances in a situation.
What it Does Mean:
Owning Your Reaction: It’s about acknowledging how a situation makes you feel and taking responsibility for your own emotional response.
Shifting Focus: Instead of blaming others or dwelling on what you can’t control, you direct your attention to your own thoughts and reactions.
Breaking Negative Cycles: By understanding your own reactions, you can break free from negative thought patterns and choose a more skillful response.
Analogy:
Imagine a pebble thrown into a still pond. The pebble represents the external situation, and the ripples represent your emotional response. While you can’t control the pebble (the external situation), you can control the ripples (your reaction).
Benefits:
Reduced Suffering: By taking responsibility for your own reactions, you become less dependent on external circumstances for your happiness.
Increased Self-Awareness: It helps you understand your triggers and cultivate a more mindful response to situations.
Greater Personal Growth: By taking responsibility, you empower yourself to learn and grow from experiences.
Here are some additional points to consider:
This practice doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. You can still hold others accountable while taking responsibility for your own reactions.
It’s a gradual process. Be patient with yourself as you learn to practice this approach.
This practice doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. You can still hold others accountable while taking responsibility for your own reactions.
Well, what if there’s a good piece of code (if you’ll allow the crudity) in your head, and someone else’s bad behavior is geared at hacking/exploiting that piece of code? The harm done is partly due to that piece of code and its role in part of your reaction to their bad behavior. But the implication is that they should stop with their bad behavior, not that you should get rid of the good code. I believe you’ll respond “Ah, but you see, there’s more than two options. You can change yourself in ways other than just deleting the code. You could recognize how the code is actually partly good and partly bad, and refactor it; and you could add other code to respond skillfully to their bad behavior; and you can add other code to help them correct their behavior.”. Which I totally agree with, but at this point, what’s being communicated by “taking self-blame” other than at best “reprogram yourself in Good/skillful ways” or more realistically “acquiesce to abuse”?
The Stoics put this idea in a much kinder way: control the controllable (specifically our actions and attitudes), accept the uncontrollable. The problem is, people’s could’s are broken. I have managed to make myself much unhappier by thinking I can control my actions until I read Nate Soares’ post I linked above. You can’t, even in the everyday definition of control, forgetting about paradoxes of “free will”.
Nice write up on this (even if it was AI-assisted), thanks for sharing! I believe another benefit is Raising One’s Self-Esteem: If high self-esteem can be thought of as consistently feeling good about oneself, then if someone takes responsibility for their emotions, recognizing that they can change their emotions at will, they can consistently choose to feel good about and love themselves as long as their conscience is clear.
This is inline with “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity.
I recently discovered the idea of driving all blames into oneself, which immediately resonated with me. It is relatively hardcore; the kind of thing that would turn David Goggins into a Buddhist.
Gemini did a good job of summarising it:
This quote by Pema Chödron, a renowned Buddhist teacher, represents a core principle in some Buddhist traditions, particularly within Tibetan Buddhism. It’s called “taking full responsibility” or “taking self-blame” and can be a bit challenging to understand at first. Here’s a breakdown:
What it Doesn’t Mean:
Self-Flagellation: This practice isn’t about beating yourself up or dwelling on guilt.
Ignoring External Factors: It doesn’t deny the role of external circumstances in a situation.
What it Does Mean:
Owning Your Reaction: It’s about acknowledging how a situation makes you feel and taking responsibility for your own emotional response.
Shifting Focus: Instead of blaming others or dwelling on what you can’t control, you direct your attention to your own thoughts and reactions.
Breaking Negative Cycles: By understanding your own reactions, you can break free from negative thought patterns and choose a more skillful response.
Analogy:
Imagine a pebble thrown into a still pond. The pebble represents the external situation, and the ripples represent your emotional response. While you can’t control the pebble (the external situation), you can control the ripples (your reaction).
Benefits:
Reduced Suffering: By taking responsibility for your own reactions, you become less dependent on external circumstances for your happiness.
Increased Self-Awareness: It helps you understand your triggers and cultivate a more mindful response to situations.
Greater Personal Growth: By taking responsibility, you empower yourself to learn and grow from experiences.
Here are some additional points to consider:
This practice doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior. You can still hold others accountable while taking responsibility for your own reactions.
It’s a gradual process. Be patient with yourself as you learn to practice this approach.
Well, what if there’s a good piece of code (if you’ll allow the crudity) in your head, and someone else’s bad behavior is geared at hacking/exploiting that piece of code? The harm done is partly due to that piece of code and its role in part of your reaction to their bad behavior. But the implication is that they should stop with their bad behavior, not that you should get rid of the good code. I believe you’ll respond “Ah, but you see, there’s more than two options. You can change yourself in ways other than just deleting the code. You could recognize how the code is actually partly good and partly bad, and refactor it; and you could add other code to respond skillfully to their bad behavior; and you can add other code to help them correct their behavior.”. Which I totally agree with, but at this point, what’s being communicated by “taking self-blame” other than at best “reprogram yourself in Good/skillful ways” or more realistically “acquiesce to abuse”?
The Stoics put this idea in a much kinder way: control the controllable (specifically our actions and attitudes), accept the uncontrollable.
The problem is, people’s could’s are broken. I have managed to make myself much unhappier by thinking I can control my actions until I read Nate Soares’ post I linked above. You can’t, even in the everyday definition of control, forgetting about paradoxes of “free will”.
Nice write up on this (even if it was AI-assisted), thanks for sharing! I believe another benefit is Raising One’s Self-Esteem: If high self-esteem can be thought of as consistently feeling good about oneself, then if someone takes responsibility for their emotions, recognizing that they can change their emotions at will, they can consistently choose to feel good about and love themselves as long as their conscience is clear.
This is inline with “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity.