Most of the people that I want to have conversations with have some topics that they can talk about enthusiastically at the drop of a hat, if only they could find someone interested. Today I was talking with someone who really likes chemistry, and I learned why it is that some molecules (like lipids) are hydrophobic and others (like ammonia) are hydrophilic. I didn’t expect to learn this, but I wanted to keep the conversation going, so I just asked, thinking that maybe it would become interesting. And it worked! That conversation kicked ass!
This works for all sorts of subjects. Does someone love gardening? Say something about soil drainage, and it’ll open the floodgates, starting what could be a fascinating conversation. The other person’s obscure interests make for great conversation topics because they usually don’t get to talk about it with anybody else.
The trick is finding those obscure interests. A lot of people seem embarrassed to be interested in weird stuff, and don’t advertise it. It’s socially okay to be interested in gossip and whether or not Lady Gaga has a penis (hint: no), but usually less okay to be interested in database denormalization and homoerotic Stargate SG-1 fanfiction. I’m hoping that the Internet will magically change this somehow, but until then, does anybody have hints for finding another person’s weird interests?
This is my thing—I always want to hear about any person’s area of passion or expertise. It’s usually much more interesting than small talk.
But I find it’s often quite easy to get people started. I like to ask people about their work. (Scientists and engineers often seem particularly willing to talk, but there’s certainly a range.) If someone mentions a hobby, I’ll ask for details. I’ve learned a lot about ballroom dancing, guns, and violin from letting people ramble. It all comes down to being open to hearing long stories. I think people can somehow detect a willing listener, and as a result people seem to love to come to me with their stories.
Most of the people that I want to have conversations with have some topics that they can talk about enthusiastically at the drop of a hat, if only they could find someone interested. Today I was talking with someone who really likes chemistry, and I learned why it is that some molecules (like lipids) are hydrophobic and others (like ammonia) are hydrophilic. I didn’t expect to learn this, but I wanted to keep the conversation going, so I just asked, thinking that maybe it would become interesting. And it worked! That conversation kicked ass!
This works for all sorts of subjects. Does someone love gardening? Say something about soil drainage, and it’ll open the floodgates, starting what could be a fascinating conversation. The other person’s obscure interests make for great conversation topics because they usually don’t get to talk about it with anybody else.
The trick is finding those obscure interests. A lot of people seem embarrassed to be interested in weird stuff, and don’t advertise it. It’s socially okay to be interested in gossip and whether or not Lady Gaga has a penis (hint: no), but usually less okay to be interested in database denormalization and homoerotic Stargate SG-1 fanfiction. I’m hoping that the Internet will magically change this somehow, but until then, does anybody have hints for finding another person’s weird interests?
This is my thing—I always want to hear about any person’s area of passion or expertise. It’s usually much more interesting than small talk.
But I find it’s often quite easy to get people started. I like to ask people about their work. (Scientists and engineers often seem particularly willing to talk, but there’s certainly a range.) If someone mentions a hobby, I’ll ask for details. I’ve learned a lot about ballroom dancing, guns, and violin from letting people ramble. It all comes down to being open to hearing long stories. I think people can somehow detect a willing listener, and as a result people seem to love to come to me with their stories.