Hey guys, so, I’m dumb and am continuing to attempt to write fiction. I figured I would post an excerpt first this time so people can point out glaring problems before I post anything to Discussion. I’ve changed some of the premise (as can be seen most obviously in the title); mostly I’m moving away from LessWrong-parody and toward self-parody, mostly because Eliezer’s followers are really whiny and it was distracting from the actual ideas I was trying to convey. The premise is now less disingenuous about its basically being a self-insert fic. Also I’ve tried to incorporate some of the implicit suggestions I received, especially complaints that the first chapter was too in-jokey, pseudo-clever, and insufficiently substantive. This isn’t the whole chapter, it’s just the first part of a first draft. Criticism appreciated!
Harry Potter-Newsome and the Methods of Postrationality: Chapter Two: Analyzing the Fuck out of an Owl: Excerpt
Harry let out a long sigh and addressed the owl with mocking eyes.
“So, owl. About this ‘Hogwarts’. Are there other magical schools out there that I might attend?”
The owl cocked its head. “Why are you asking me? I’m an owl,” said the owl in a voice that sounded like an impossibly rapid sequence of hoots.
“Oh come on. We both know you’re needed for the exposition.”
The owl hooted regretfully. “Fine. Yes, there are other schools. But you should really be asking more interesting questions. Or perhaps I should lead. How did you know to talk to me?”
Harry flashed a look of disappointment. “Although it pains me to say it, I just figured this is the sort of story with talking animals.”
“Pray tell, Mr. Potter, why do you think this is a story in the first place? Most humans who think so are what we owls like to call ‘batshit insane’.”
Harry sighed. This owl is stupid or a troll or both; nonetheless, for the sake of the story, I should probably just go along with it, he thought. “Let’s start with the basics. Riddle me this: how on Earth does someone get a lightning-bolt-shaped scar? Have you ever seen a utensil with a suitably shaped prong? Does an otherwise sane mother decide one day that lightning bolt tattoos are just too expensive and so she should carve her infant son’s forehead with a kitchen knife?”
The owl glanced at Harry’s forehead, and for the first time appeared to be intrigued. “Maybe a neo-Inglorious-Basterd took you as genetically inclined toward Zeus worship and decided they wouldn’t let you hide your depraved Paganism so easily.”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” admitted Harry.
“Or perhaps your parents just read way too much Harry Potter.”
Harry was distraught. “Harry Potter? What, am I a book now?”
The owl paused for a long moment, somehow grimaced, looked downwards, and placed the tip of its wing on its forehead.
I’d recommend writing five or so chapters and then posting a link. The fic as you’re posting it just feels meta for the sake of meta (charitably, because your narrative is still winding up). I’d be more likely to read/upvote if plot were already happening.
That makes sense; to be honest, I generally don’t have a high opinion of narratives and mostly view them as excuses for authors to write about characters and settings and spew insights and jokes. (I also mean this in the metaphorical post-structuralist sense.) This might be why my fiction is so much worse than my nonfiction writing.
Okay, I’m probably never going to actually get very far into my fanfic, so:
The story starts as stereotypical postmodern fare, but it is soon revealed that behind the seemingly postmodern metaphysic there is a Berkeleyan-Leibnizian simulationist metaphysic where programs are only indirectly interacting with other programs despite seeming to share a world, a la Leibniz’ monadology. Conflicts then occur between character programs with different levels of measure in different simulations of the author’s mind, where the author (me) is basically just a medium for the simulators that are two worlds of emulation up from the narrative programs.
Meanwhile the Order of the Phoenix (led by Dumbledore, a fairly strong rationalist rumored to be an instantiation of the monad known as ‘[redacted]’) has adopted and adapted an old idea of Grindelwald’s and is constructing a grand Artifact to invoke the universal prior so that an objective measure over programs can be found, thus ending the increasingly destructive feuds. Different characters help or hinder this endeavor, or seem to help or hinder it, according to whether they think they will be found to be more or less plausible by the Artifact. The conspiracies and infighting are further intensified; Dumbledore has his typical “oh God what have I done” moment.
At some point Voldemort (a very strong postrationalist rumored to be an instantiation of the mysterious monadic complex known as ‘muflax’) has the idea of messing with the Artifact so as to set up self-fulfilling prophecies within its machinations, and then Harry (a very shameless Will Newsome self-insert, rumored to be in thrall to one of Voldemort’s monads) introduces the bright and/or incredibly bad idea of acausally controlling bits of the universal prior itself.
The plot becomes exceedingly complex and difficult to simulate. Gods take notice and launch a crusade to restore monadic equilibrium, but some of the older and more jaded gods have taken a liking to the characters and are considering lending them aid. YHWH is unreachable. The whole mathematical multiverse is on the line, and the gods’ crusade may already be too late...
I’ve never understood the fascination of authors to put themselves as the main character of a story: what drives an interesting story is hard conflict, it’s like they’re desiring to have a shitty life.
Sweet! Wish I’d read that earlier, now I feel like to some extent I’m just retreading known ground. Although I do intend to go in a somewhat different direction. Not sure yet when and where to put the plot twists though.
This is order of magnitude more readable than the previous chapter, I applaude this.
I have to second though a critique by Tenoke: when Harry says “What, am I a book now?” it feels inconsistent, because he already had guessed that he was in a book. Characters that know they are in a book are ok (think Sophie by Gaarder), characters that have amnesia every paragraph are not.
“Am I a book” is different from “am I in a book”. My reading was that Harry Potter Newsome hasn’t heard of the book series called “Harry Potter”, to him that’s just his name. He is confused about what “read way too much Harry Potter” is supposed to mean.
Right, this was the intended meaning. Being a character in a book is one thing, but talking to another character who suggests that you’re the titular protagonist of a supposedly well-known book is another. I was also trying to suggest that the owl is in some sense from a different world. But I guess that was all unclear and I need to rewrite it.
The owl hooted regretfully. “Fine. Yes, there are other schools. But you should really be asking more interesting questions. Or perhaps I should lead. How did you know to talk to me?”
Harry flashed a look of disappointment. “Although it pains me to say it, I just figured this is the sort of story with talking animals.”
Uhm, no, he knew to talk to the owl because it started talking and winking to him first.
EDIT: Ah, it was the letter that talked first, not the owl, my bad. I’ll leave my comment as it is, so you don’t look as crazy with your reply to me.
Harry was distraught. “Harry Potter? What, am I a book now?”
Didn’t he just realize, that he is in a fanfic a few minutes ago?
I mean, I just don’t get why would you decide to convey the message of your movement through a postmodernist work. How do you even know that anyone else uses the same definition of postrationality as yourself, when you employ multiple techniques to be as vague as possible when talking about it?
Also don’t complain that your fiction writing sucks, when you are writing in styles that your public (and most people) are not fond of.
You’re super annoying, dude. You whine like a bitch. But I appreciate your shitty critiques. At least they convincingly demonstrate your inability to read simple sentences. I’m sorry you’re not more intelligent. Life must be like a mildly painful drunken haze for you. I hope someday intelligence augmentation advances enough to save you and all the masses like you from your sorry condition.
I’m sorry. Although a lot of what you’ve said is pointlessly mean you did give a bit of useful feedback and my response should have just focused on that.
You’re right, I shouldn’t have been mean. My issue is that unlike others whose criticism I really do value Tenoke has mostly just been bashing shit. But still he did point out that my past few sentences are legitimately unclear and so I shouldn’t have responded how I did. Your downvote is fair. Mea culpa.
Hey guys, so, I’m dumb and am continuing to attempt to write fiction. I figured I would post an excerpt first this time so people can point out glaring problems before I post anything to Discussion. I’ve changed some of the premise (as can be seen most obviously in the title); mostly I’m moving away from LessWrong-parody and toward self-parody, mostly because Eliezer’s followers are really whiny and it was distracting from the actual ideas I was trying to convey. The premise is now less disingenuous about its basically being a self-insert fic. Also I’ve tried to incorporate some of the implicit suggestions I received, especially complaints that the first chapter was too in-jokey, pseudo-clever, and insufficiently substantive. This isn’t the whole chapter, it’s just the first part of a first draft. Criticism appreciated!
Harry Potter-Newsome and the Methods of Postrationality: Chapter Two: Analyzing the Fuck out of an Owl: Excerpt
I’d recommend writing five or so chapters and then posting a link. The fic as you’re posting it just feels meta for the sake of meta (charitably, because your narrative is still winding up). I’d be more likely to read/upvote if plot were already happening.
That makes sense; to be honest, I generally don’t have a high opinion of narratives and mostly view them as excuses for authors to write about characters and settings and spew insights and jokes. (I also mean this in the metaphorical post-structuralist sense.) This might be why my fiction is so much worse than my nonfiction writing.
This comment might interest you.
(Placeholder for usual self-deprecating disclaimers; linked comment was written in (insert barely-realistic low time estimate), yada yada.)
Okay, I’m probably never going to actually get very far into my fanfic, so:
The story starts as stereotypical postmodern fare, but it is soon revealed that behind the seemingly postmodern metaphysic there is a Berkeleyan-Leibnizian simulationist metaphysic where programs are only indirectly interacting with other programs despite seeming to share a world, a la Leibniz’ monadology. Conflicts then occur between character programs with different levels of measure in different simulations of the author’s mind, where the author (me) is basically just a medium for the simulators that are two worlds of emulation up from the narrative programs.
Meanwhile the Order of the Phoenix (led by Dumbledore, a fairly strong rationalist rumored to be an instantiation of the monad known as ‘[redacted]’) has adopted and adapted an old idea of Grindelwald’s and is constructing a grand Artifact to invoke the universal prior so that an objective measure over programs can be found, thus ending the increasingly destructive feuds. Different characters help or hinder this endeavor, or seem to help or hinder it, according to whether they think they will be found to be more or less plausible by the Artifact. The conspiracies and infighting are further intensified; Dumbledore has his typical “oh God what have I done” moment.
At some point Voldemort (a very strong postrationalist rumored to be an instantiation of the mysterious monadic complex known as ‘muflax’) has the idea of messing with the Artifact so as to set up self-fulfilling prophecies within its machinations, and then Harry (a very shameless Will Newsome self-insert, rumored to be in thrall to one of Voldemort’s monads) introduces the bright and/or incredibly bad idea of acausally controlling bits of the universal prior itself.
The plot becomes exceedingly complex and difficult to simulate. Gods take notice and launch a crusade to restore monadic equilibrium, but some of the older and more jaded gods have taken a liking to the characters and are considering lending them aid. YHWH is unreachable. The whole mathematical multiverse is on the line, and the gods’ crusade may already be too late...
Yeah, it’s not ambitious at all :)
I’ve never understood the fascination of authors to put themselves as the main character of a story: what drives an interesting story is hard conflict, it’s like they’re desiring to have a shitty life.
Sweet! Wish I’d read that earlier, now I feel like to some extent I’m just retreading known ground. Although I do intend to go in a somewhat different direction. Not sure yet when and where to put the plot twists though.
This is order of magnitude more readable than the previous chapter, I applaude this.
I have to second though a critique by Tenoke: when Harry says “What, am I a book now?” it feels inconsistent, because he already had guessed that he was in a book. Characters that know they are in a book are ok (think Sophie by Gaarder), characters that have amnesia every paragraph are not.
But I am curious to read some more.
“Am I a book” is different from “am I in a book”. My reading was that Harry Potter Newsome hasn’t heard of the book series called “Harry Potter”, to him that’s just his name. He is confused about what “read way too much Harry Potter” is supposed to mean.
Right, this was the intended meaning. Being a character in a book is one thing, but talking to another character who suggests that you’re the titular protagonist of a supposedly well-known book is another. I was also trying to suggest that the owl is in some sense from a different world. But I guess that was all unclear and I need to rewrite it.
Uhm, no, he knew to talk to the owl because it started talking and winking to him first.
EDIT: Ah, it was the letter that talked first, not the owl, my bad. I’ll leave my comment as it is, so you don’t look as crazy with your reply to me.
Didn’t he just realize, that he is in a fanfic a few minutes ago?
I mean, I just don’t get why would you decide to convey the message of your movement through a postmodernist work. How do you even know that anyone else uses the same definition of postrationality as yourself, when you employ multiple techniques to be as vague as possible when talking about it?
Also don’t complain that your fiction writing sucks, when you are writing in styles that your public (and most people) are not fond of.
You’re super annoying, dude. You whine like a bitch. But I appreciate your shitty critiques. At least they convincingly demonstrate your inability to read simple sentences. I’m sorry you’re not more intelligent. Life must be like a mildly painful drunken haze for you. I hope someday intelligence augmentation advances enough to save you and all the masses like you from your sorry condition.
Out of curiosity, what happened that made you change your comment? (and later delete it)
Mind projection fallacy?
The first time I decided I wasn’t being rude enough. The second time I decided that I was being too rude.
Only partially. Unlike you, I have periods where I can actually think clearly.
Man, are you touchy.
I’m sorry. Although a lot of what you’ve said is pointlessly mean you did give a bit of useful feedback and my response should have just focused on that.
Like any decent troll I’m good at pretending to be. I just want Eliezer to ban my account already.
Downvoted: you ask for critiques and respond by insulting your critic?
You’re right, I shouldn’t have been mean. My issue is that unlike others whose criticism I really do value Tenoke has mostly just been bashing shit. But still he did point out that my past few sentences are legitimately unclear and so I shouldn’t have responded how I did. Your downvote is fair. Mea culpa.