Are the specific examples that JulianMorrison gave things that are statistically true about girls versus boys. Is it statistically true that girls don’t climb trees? (I’m a girl, and tree climbing is awesome!)
Also, there’s a difference between what you’re talking about (using probability to predict behaviour when you know nothing else about others) and ways to raise children, since parents in part determine the future behaviour of their children. Even if it is statistically true, right now, that girls don’t wear Spider-Man suits as often as boys, and get upset rather than angry, I don’t think those states are the ideal world states. Treating your children like these stereotypes are true might be a self fulfilling prophecy.
Note that there are some examples that I think would be true. I do think that, on average, girls are more likely to get upset than angry when in a situation of conflict. But not always: I get upset more often, my brother gets angry, my sister gets angry, my dad gets upset. I do think that the average boy, if given a Barbie, is more likely to re-enact battles with it than dress it. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good parenting strategy to yell at your son because he’s an outlier who likes to dress Barbies. (From a purely predictive view, you could probably make a boy happier by giving him something other than a Barbie for his birthday, but that’s if you’re not the parent and your actions aren’t influencing his future preferences.)
Until the child tells you their gender identity, don’t assume it matches their body
learn the standard ways that parents treat children differently by gender (assuming girls are upset where they’d assume boys are angry, for example) and proactively refuse to do, or permit them done by other adults.
I also disagree with the first paragraph. If I have a daughter someday, I’m not going to treat her as gender-neutral-it’s too much work and probably wouldn’t work. I guess I just think that the examples in the second group aren’t “gender identity” examples. At most they’re gender stereotypes. I will treat my daughter as a girl, unless she tells me not to, but I’ll happily climb trees with her, I wouldn’t tell her to be polite because “girls are polite” (boys should be too!) and I won’t encourage or expect her to be upset rather than angry.
BTW, by “assuming girls are upset where they’d assume boys are angry” I am referring to unconscious fact judgements about infants too young to verbalize the problem. (Cite: “pink brain blue brain” by Lise Eliot). Macho emotions are attributed to babies in who appear male and gentle ones to babies who appear female. Since baby sex is almost unmarked, that means going by the colour of the clothes. (And google “baby Storm” for an example of adults panicking and pillorying the parents if the cues that allow them to gender the baby are intentionally witheld.)
When in a situation of conflict:
Upset: assume you’re the one in the wrong, blame yourself, not try to defend yourself, cry. (Or some but not all of these elements.)
Angry: Assume you’re right, blame the other person, argue back, yell. Or some but not all of these elements.
Obviously it depends on context. Some people have a very strong tendency to get upset, whereas others will sometimes be upset and sometimes be angry. I’m pretty strongly skewed towards getting upset; I don’t like the experience of anger; but in a conflict with family members, I will frequently behave more angrily than upset.
Are the specific examples that JulianMorrison gave things that are statistically true about girls versus boys. Is it statistically true that girls don’t climb trees? (I’m a girl, and tree climbing is awesome!)
Also, there’s a difference between what you’re talking about (using probability to predict behaviour when you know nothing else about others) and ways to raise children, since parents in part determine the future behaviour of their children. Even if it is statistically true, right now, that girls don’t wear Spider-Man suits as often as boys, and get upset rather than angry, I don’t think those states are the ideal world states. Treating your children like these stereotypes are true might be a self fulfilling prophecy.
Note that there are some examples that I think would be true. I do think that, on average, girls are more likely to get upset than angry when in a situation of conflict. But not always: I get upset more often, my brother gets angry, my sister gets angry, my dad gets upset. I do think that the average boy, if given a Barbie, is more likely to re-enact battles with it than dress it. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good parenting strategy to yell at your son because he’s an outlier who likes to dress Barbies. (From a purely predictive view, you could probably make a boy happier by giving him something other than a Barbie for his birthday, but that’s if you’re not the parent and your actions aren’t influencing his future preferences.)
This is what I was criticizing:
I also disagree with the first paragraph. If I have a daughter someday, I’m not going to treat her as gender-neutral-it’s too much work and probably wouldn’t work. I guess I just think that the examples in the second group aren’t “gender identity” examples. At most they’re gender stereotypes. I will treat my daughter as a girl, unless she tells me not to, but I’ll happily climb trees with her, I wouldn’t tell her to be polite because “girls are polite” (boys should be too!) and I won’t encourage or expect her to be upset rather than angry.
BTW, by “assuming girls are upset where they’d assume boys are angry” I am referring to unconscious fact judgements about infants too young to verbalize the problem. (Cite: “pink brain blue brain” by Lise Eliot). Macho emotions are attributed to babies in who appear male and gentle ones to babies who appear female. Since baby sex is almost unmarked, that means going by the colour of the clothes. (And google “baby Storm” for an example of adults panicking and pillorying the parents if the cues that allow them to gender the baby are intentionally witheld.)
Ohh. Oops. Not how I interpreted it. Your original meaning is much less likely to be a true-ish stereotype than my interpretation.
What’s your distinction between upset and angry?
When in a situation of conflict: Upset: assume you’re the one in the wrong, blame yourself, not try to defend yourself, cry. (Or some but not all of these elements.) Angry: Assume you’re right, blame the other person, argue back, yell. Or some but not all of these elements.
Obviously it depends on context. Some people have a very strong tendency to get upset, whereas others will sometimes be upset and sometimes be angry. I’m pretty strongly skewed towards getting upset; I don’t like the experience of anger; but in a conflict with family members, I will frequently behave more angrily than upset.