“the host of the party is busy making food, so I will clean up this mess”
That’s not emotional labour, that’s just a sense of fairness. And I understand “work ethic” along the lines of Weber’s The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism which has nothing to do with emotional labour, either.
It’s easy for non-Hufflepuffs to ignore tasks like these
I don’t think so. If you consistently ignore these things you’ll get a reputation as a moocher / free-rider and that’s obvious to anyone sufficiently smart to notice this.
If you consistently ignore these things you’ll get a reputation as a moocher / free-rider and that’s obvious to anyone sufficiently smart to notice this.
A problem Project Hufflepuff is aiming to solve is this is, in fact, false, in the in-person rationalist circles I’ve frequented. (I have no idea how common it actually is elsewhere). I can count the number of people I can reliably count on to actively notice these sorts of things (outside of specific events where it’s extremely emphasized and called attention to) on one hand.
Well, let me put it this way. This willingness to be helpful (I still find the term ‘emotional labour’ weird) depends on two things. One is the the ability to notice that it would be useful to do something. This is partially a function of the social awareness/skills, an area where the, um, rationalist community is not at its strongest. Especially guys, girls have it easier here.
And two, whether you care enough. One might notice that, say, cleaning up would be very welcome, but still not care enough (in terms of reputation/status/relationship with the host and others/etc.) to get up and do it. “Not my problem” in certain contexts in an entirely valid attitude.
It’s possible to provide someone useful help by giving them information about their weaknesses but still be treated negatively as a result.
Telling someone to use more deodorant when they are smelly is useful help. The person might still hate you for it even if they actually use more deodorant as a result.
The social act of offering help also has an emotional aspect. A shy person can estimate that they could provide help and care about providing help and still not offer to help as a result of their shyness.
That’s not emotional labour, that’s just a sense of fairness. And I understand “work ethic” along the lines of Weber’s The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism which has nothing to do with emotional labour, either.
I don’t think so. If you consistently ignore these things you’ll get a reputation as a moocher / free-rider and that’s obvious to anyone sufficiently smart to notice this.
A problem Project Hufflepuff is aiming to solve is this is, in fact, false, in the in-person rationalist circles I’ve frequented. (I have no idea how common it actually is elsewhere). I can count the number of people I can reliably count on to actively notice these sorts of things (outside of specific events where it’s extremely emphasized and called attention to) on one hand.
Well, let me put it this way. This willingness to be helpful (I still find the term ‘emotional labour’ weird) depends on two things. One is the the ability to notice that it would be useful to do something. This is partially a function of the social awareness/skills, an area where the, um, rationalist community is not at its strongest. Especially guys, girls have it easier here.
And two, whether you care enough. One might notice that, say, cleaning up would be very welcome, but still not care enough (in terms of reputation/status/relationship with the host and others/etc.) to get up and do it. “Not my problem” in certain contexts in an entirely valid attitude.
I don’t think the two are the only concerns.
If I hear a friend having a problem I often notice and I do care but I’m not sure that they would welcome my help.
Offering and receiving help for big emotional issues isn’t easy.
Part of trying to actually help is figuring out what kind of help will be useful (in this case: accepted).
It’s possible to provide someone useful help by giving them information about their weaknesses but still be treated negatively as a result.
Telling someone to use more deodorant when they are smelly is useful help. The person might still hate you for it even if they actually use more deodorant as a result.
The social act of offering help also has an emotional aspect. A shy person can estimate that they could provide help and care about providing help and still not offer to help as a result of their shyness.
Sure, so? You just have to figure out whether it’s worth it.