I find it hard to imagine that “a rush of shock and fear hit her like a Stunning Hex over her whole body” more than five or so times without just leaving her burned out completely.
I think you’re misreading the situation. From Hermoine’s point of view, it seems like she’s suddenly getting flooded with adrenaline. The truth is that she’s had the same level of adrenaline in her body and is just being made aware of it. It’s similar to how walking four miles then getting obliviated an hour back would feel like you’ve just gotten teleported and been hit with a jelly legs jinx.
The exact phrasing at the end of the cycle that happened onscreen was:
[...] the black mist evaporated away, no longer obscuring; she saw the face beneath, and recognition sent a jolt of terrified adrenaline bursting through her -
- she felt a momentary sense of disorientation -
- and then a rush of shock and fear hit her like a Stunning Hex over her whole body, she found that without any thought or any conscious decision her wand had leaped into her hand [...]
My interpretation, and maybe I am reading too much into it, is that it was necessary to give her a shock right before the Obliviation, because otherwise the physiological experience would be going from ‘walking calmly down the hallway’ to ‘walking tiredly down the hallway,’ which wouldn’t jive with convincing herself she just reacted very quickly (her wand leaped into her hand).
Also, why else would you reveal your true face to someone just before you Obliviate them and show them a different, equally false appearance? Eliciting the reaction seems to be the obvious motive, and helps get around a weakness of Obliviation—that it only affects the neurological, not the rest of the body (hence Harry’s signaling method of biting his lip).
I assumed that revealing your true face to the person would not ever be remember, so it wouldn’t matter what you did. There’s no reason to bother going into another room or even turning around (and risking them trying to run/hex you) to swap faces if you’re just going to obliviate them anyways. It’s just a result of being weary with the whole process.
These are only dry runs at cracking her password. You practice a dozen times until you succeed, obliviate her and let her settle down, obliviate her so she doesn’t remember the settling down time, then do the successful attempt. The “most glorious destiny” attempt won’t be what she remembers, but rather a seamless polished version after Mr HAC has confirmed it will work.
The final, final version will have her never even suspecting anything suspicious or having discontinuities like spinning around and wands leaping to her hands. Heck, it need not even occur at the same time, but rather a day later so she doesn’t get suspicious of lost time. Or at least, that’s what I would in the same position.
“I’ve been sent to help you, so please don’t be afraid. I am your servant in all things; for you, my Lady, are the last magical descendant of Merlin-”
“That’s ridiculous.”
(fleeting disorientation)
“For you, my Lady, are the last magical descendant of Ravenclaw-”
“I don’t believe you.”
(fleeting disorientation)
“For you, my Lady, are the bearer of a most marvelous destiny-”
Edit: (Personally, I prefer ”—she felt a momentary sense of disorientation - ”; it seems a little more subtle, but I guess that’s not the effect he’s going for.)
It is more subtle and I do prefer it. The problem is that a substantial fraction of reviewers are still saying they’ve got no idea what’s happening during the ellipses, and I care about that.
Your version is a little too unsubtle, but the fact that people were buying the “last descendant of Merlin thing” had me wondering what it would’ve taken to actually trigger their skepticism.
“For you, my Lady, are the last descendant of Cthulhu—”
“For you alone must stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness—”
No, I get why you changed it, and I certainly wasn’t offering that as any kind of serious suggestion, but… well, maybe it’s elitist of me, but frankly I don’t understand what benefit there is to catering to the lowest common denominator of ffnet readers. I mean, the lowest common denominator of ffnet readers is pretty low. (Boy-Who-Lived Gets Draco Malfoy Pregnant! sorry i suk at sumries lol, dont liek dont read)
On another note:
“For you, my Princess, are of the blood of the dragons—”
I agree. It was so obvious to me that Hermione was being Obliviated that when I read the instruction at the start of the next chapter I went back to see what I could be missing. It didn’t occur to me that peope might not be getting it. And that was when it had ellipses.
I’m one of the people who was confused by the Merlin thing and said as such in my review that I wasn’t sure if it was lying or not. In that version, the Obliviation was a lot less obvious. My initial reading was that the entity in question was trying to appear (probably untruthfully) to have been testing Hermione previously and was now ready to reveal itself in its true, nice form. It even occurred to me that it might even have been its actual form with it finally happy that it could appear as a nice being rather than as some terrible mystery. I was in particular thinking of the part in the Chronicles of Prydain where the companions are shocked to find out that the nasty looking hags true form might actually be beautiful young women. In that text they call it out explicitly.
Still, the switch to the repeated … made it really clear what was going on in a really blunt, squicktastic fashion. I have to agree with pedanterrific that you may want to be careful not to play to the lowest common denominator of ff.
“For you alone must stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness—”
I would really like if it included this. If you did go with pedanterrific’s suggestion this might also help reduce the squicktastic aspect of the repeated memory erasure. Actually, the juxtaposition might make it more squick; I’m not sure.
I think you’re misreading the situation. From Hermoine’s point of view, it seems like she’s suddenly getting flooded with adrenaline. The truth is that she’s had the same level of adrenaline in her body and is just being made aware of it. It’s similar to how walking four miles then getting obliviated an hour back would feel like you’ve just gotten teleported and been hit with a jelly legs jinx.
The exact phrasing at the end of the cycle that happened onscreen was:
My interpretation, and maybe I am reading too much into it, is that it was necessary to give her a shock right before the Obliviation, because otherwise the physiological experience would be going from ‘walking calmly down the hallway’ to ‘walking tiredly down the hallway,’ which wouldn’t jive with convincing herself she just reacted very quickly (her wand leaped into her hand).
Also, why else would you reveal your true face to someone just before you Obliviate them and show them a different, equally false appearance? Eliciting the reaction seems to be the obvious motive, and helps get around a weakness of Obliviation—that it only affects the neurological, not the rest of the body (hence Harry’s signaling method of biting his lip).
I assumed that revealing your true face to the person would not ever be remember, so it wouldn’t matter what you did. There’s no reason to bother going into another room or even turning around (and risking them trying to run/hex you) to swap faces if you’re just going to obliviate them anyways. It’s just a result of being weary with the whole process.
These are only dry runs at cracking her password. You practice a dozen times until you succeed, obliviate her and let her settle down, obliviate her so she doesn’t remember the settling down time, then do the successful attempt. The “most glorious destiny” attempt won’t be what she remembers, but rather a seamless polished version after Mr HAC has confirmed it will work.
The final, final version will have her never even suspecting anything suspicious or having discontinuities like spinning around and wands leaping to her hands. Heck, it need not even occur at the same time, but rather a day later so she doesn’t get suspicious of lost time. Or at least, that’s what I would in the same position.
Missed opportunity:
Edit: (Personally, I prefer ”—she felt a momentary sense of disorientation - ”; it seems a little more subtle, but I guess that’s not the effect he’s going for.)
It is more subtle and I do prefer it. The problem is that a substantial fraction of reviewers are still saying they’ve got no idea what’s happening during the ellipses, and I care about that.
Your version is a little too unsubtle, but the fact that people were buying the “last descendant of Merlin thing” had me wondering what it would’ve taken to actually trigger their skepticism.
“For you, my Lady, are the last descendant of Cthulhu—”
“For you alone must stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness—”
“Only you can prevent forest fires—”
No, I get why you changed it, and I certainly wasn’t offering that as any kind of serious suggestion, but… well, maybe it’s elitist of me, but frankly I don’t understand what benefit there is to catering to the lowest common denominator of ffnet readers. I mean, the lowest common denominator of ffnet readers is pretty low. (Boy-Who-Lived Gets Draco Malfoy Pregnant! sorry i suk at sumries lol, dont liek dont read)
On another note:
“For you, my Princess, are of the blood of the dragons—”
“You have the ability to overcome great fear—”
“By your powers combined, I am—”
“Yer a wizard, Hermione—”
Raising the sanity waterline and all that.
I agree. It was so obvious to me that Hermione was being Obliviated that when I read the instruction at the start of the next chapter I went back to see what I could be missing. It didn’t occur to me that peope might not be getting it. And that was when it had ellipses.
I’m one of the people who was confused by the Merlin thing and said as such in my review that I wasn’t sure if it was lying or not. In that version, the Obliviation was a lot less obvious. My initial reading was that the entity in question was trying to appear (probably untruthfully) to have been testing Hermione previously and was now ready to reveal itself in its true, nice form. It even occurred to me that it might even have been its actual form with it finally happy that it could appear as a nice being rather than as some terrible mystery. I was in particular thinking of the part in the Chronicles of Prydain where the companions are shocked to find out that the nasty looking hags true form might actually be beautiful young women. In that text they call it out explicitly.
Still, the switch to the repeated … made it really clear what was going on in a really blunt, squicktastic fashion. I have to agree with pedanterrific that you may want to be careful not to play to the lowest common denominator of ff.
I would really like if it included this. If you did go with pedanterrific’s suggestion this might also help reduce the squicktastic aspect of the repeated memory erasure. Actually, the juxtaposition might make it more squick; I’m not sure.
(In hindsight, Giles felt it was a little embarrassing, how obvious the solution was.
After all, what teenage girl doesn’t want to feel special?)
Euurghh the more I think about this the worse it gets
Sure Thing.
Oh! Ives! I love Ives. I spent a whole winter reading him once. I was so excited after ten pages that I went out and bought everything else he wrote.
(Bell rings.)
“You win” seems appropriate.
I think so. Eliezer needs to revise his chapter again.