Well...yes, as an empirical matter, that was the thesis of my comment! Wasn’t it clear that I was questioning, as a normative matter, whether that ought to be the case?
Because it now is the case that sex is qualitatively different from everything else, attempts to make it be not so or create a norm that it be not so now impinge on the current, existent feelings of people (esp. women) who think about sex as how it now is.
In other words: Sexuality’s differences from other things, if respected, are self-supporting. It opposes these features to try to alter them. Failing to respect sexual rules in these, among other, ways is Very Bad.
First of all, the phrase “it is not acceptable to criticize...” is kind of an alarm bell.
How about “it makes me afraid when people criticize”? Or is that irrelevant?
The question is, what to do about this problem of their not wanting, since their lack of wanting causes pain for others.
I am very good at getting people to give me presents. This ability is only targetable to a certain point, but it is partly under my control. Supposing, probably inaccurately, that I could scale up this capacity indefinitely—not stealing things I wanted, but just acting in such a way that encouraged people to give them to me significantly more than they’d otherwise be inclined—there are things it would be unethical for me to try to get in this way. I shouldn’t encourage people to spend beyond their means, for example. I shouldn’t encourage them to give me things that they need for themselves. I shouldn’t encourage them to give me things that I only want a little bit that they have much stronger interests in. Even if their means are limited by choice, or their need for the needed object is evitable, or their reason for strongly valuing the prized possession is really stupid. If I find myself tempted to seek gifts of such things, the correct place to solve the “problem” is in my excessive interest in owning stuff that belongs to others.
In other words: Sexuality’s differences from other things, if respected, are self-supporting. It opposes these features to try to alter them. Failing to respect sexual rules in these, among other, ways is Very Bad.
This sounds suspicious to me—a bit too Fully General. It seems that you could similarly Engrave In Stone For All Time any set of currently existing norms this way.
I’ll have to think about this more to determine the extent to which I agree.
How about “it makes me afraid when people criticize”?
That’s certainly better and more specific—and would naturally prompt the followup: “afraid of what?”
It seems that you could similarly Engrave In Stone For All Time any set of currently existing norms this way.
I don’t think it’s as fully general as all that. Most norm sets don’t have as their first rule that You Do Not Question The Norm Set. If they have such rules, it’s rarely with the historical context of the rule being there to protect against horrific crimes.
“afraid of what?”
I’m afraid of not at least trying to nip things in this family of thoughts in the bud. I’m afraid I’ll be raped by a guy with expensive lawyers who will use anything I’ve publicly stated that they possibly can twist into making me look like a slut who deserved it. I’m afraid I’ll say something ambiguous and be misunderstood and justify, in someone’s mind, some hurt. I’m afraid that if I check my fear, I’ll overshoot, and I’ll wind up ever so reasonably agreeing with something that can be made to justify attacks on my friends, myself, and others, past and future.
I’m afraid that if I bring in my personal history or that of my friends, the ever-so-reasonable attack dogs on this website will demand that I provide details that are no one’s business, pick apart the possible motivations of the villains and sympathize with them, and speculate about the participation of the victims. I’m afraid that if I don’t make it personal, I’ll look like I’m talking out of my ass. I’m afraid to have conversations about this with people who don’t start by agreeing to the rules of engagement that may help keep me and people I care about safe.
I don’t think it’s as fully general as all that. Most norm sets don’t have as their first rule that You Do Not Question The Norm Set. If they have such rules, it’s rarely with the historical context of the rule being there to protect against horrific crimes.
Actually, my sense is the opposite: that most norm sets do have this rule. (The first of the infamous Ten Commandments might easily be interpreted this way, for example.) And rules are nearly always justified by the supposition that something Bad would happen if they weren’t enforced. So I remain unconvinced, for the moment.
As for the rest, I’m not sure I’m clever enough to come up with a set of words that will simultaneously communicate to you my disagreement and benignity. So, at least for now, I shan’t try.
As for the rest, I’m not sure I’m clever enough to come up with a set of words that will simultaneously communicate to you my disagreement and benignity. So, at least for now, I shan’t try.
Dude, saying this (or a simpler permutation thereof) would have helped me so many times in so many of my relationships. I really wish I’d learned that a kiss on the forehead and saying “Never mind, let’s go bake brownies” is a much better response than two paragraphs of autistic complex-compound sentences explaining how what I’d said was reasonable but how the other’s interpretation was also reasonable given the context. Such paragraphs went half-ignored and were translated as defensive self-justifying and blame-shifting moves. It was so annoying for so long, and I didn’t update until like two weeks ago.
Normal people don’t care about detailed explanations of the motivations behind what you say, they care about the imagined motivations behind what people would say in epistemic and emotional positions that are roughly similar to what they imagine to be yours. This leads to lots of confusion and frustration for the literal-minded.
Because it now is the case that sex is qualitatively different from everything else, attempts to make it be not so or create a norm that it be not so now impinge on the current, existent feelings of people (esp. women) who think about sex as how it now is.
In other words: Sexuality’s differences from other things, if respected, are self-supporting. It opposes these features to try to alter them. Failing to respect sexual rules in these, among other, ways is Very Bad.
How about “it makes me afraid when people criticize”? Or is that irrelevant?
I am very good at getting people to give me presents. This ability is only targetable to a certain point, but it is partly under my control. Supposing, probably inaccurately, that I could scale up this capacity indefinitely—not stealing things I wanted, but just acting in such a way that encouraged people to give them to me significantly more than they’d otherwise be inclined—there are things it would be unethical for me to try to get in this way. I shouldn’t encourage people to spend beyond their means, for example. I shouldn’t encourage them to give me things that they need for themselves. I shouldn’t encourage them to give me things that I only want a little bit that they have much stronger interests in. Even if their means are limited by choice, or their need for the needed object is evitable, or their reason for strongly valuing the prized possession is really stupid. If I find myself tempted to seek gifts of such things, the correct place to solve the “problem” is in my excessive interest in owning stuff that belongs to others.
This sounds suspicious to me—a bit too Fully General. It seems that you could similarly Engrave In Stone For All Time any set of currently existing norms this way.
I’ll have to think about this more to determine the extent to which I agree.
That’s certainly better and more specific—and would naturally prompt the followup: “afraid of what?”
I don’t think it’s as fully general as all that. Most norm sets don’t have as their first rule that You Do Not Question The Norm Set. If they have such rules, it’s rarely with the historical context of the rule being there to protect against horrific crimes.
I’m afraid of not at least trying to nip things in this family of thoughts in the bud. I’m afraid I’ll be raped by a guy with expensive lawyers who will use anything I’ve publicly stated that they possibly can twist into making me look like a slut who deserved it. I’m afraid I’ll say something ambiguous and be misunderstood and justify, in someone’s mind, some hurt. I’m afraid that if I check my fear, I’ll overshoot, and I’ll wind up ever so reasonably agreeing with something that can be made to justify attacks on my friends, myself, and others, past and future.
I’m afraid that if I bring in my personal history or that of my friends, the ever-so-reasonable attack dogs on this website will demand that I provide details that are no one’s business, pick apart the possible motivations of the villains and sympathize with them, and speculate about the participation of the victims. I’m afraid that if I don’t make it personal, I’ll look like I’m talking out of my ass. I’m afraid to have conversations about this with people who don’t start by agreeing to the rules of engagement that may help keep me and people I care about safe.
Actually, my sense is the opposite: that most norm sets do have this rule. (The first of the infamous Ten Commandments might easily be interpreted this way, for example.) And rules are nearly always justified by the supposition that something Bad would happen if they weren’t enforced. So I remain unconvinced, for the moment.
As for the rest, I’m not sure I’m clever enough to come up with a set of words that will simultaneously communicate to you my disagreement and benignity. So, at least for now, I shan’t try.
Dude, saying this (or a simpler permutation thereof) would have helped me so many times in so many of my relationships. I really wish I’d learned that a kiss on the forehead and saying “Never mind, let’s go bake brownies” is a much better response than two paragraphs of autistic complex-compound sentences explaining how what I’d said was reasonable but how the other’s interpretation was also reasonable given the context. Such paragraphs went half-ignored and were translated as defensive self-justifying and blame-shifting moves. It was so annoying for so long, and I didn’t update until like two weeks ago.
Normal people don’t care about detailed explanations of the motivations behind what you say, they care about the imagined motivations behind what people would say in epistemic and emotional positions that are roughly similar to what they imagine to be yours. This leads to lots of confusion and frustration for the literal-minded.