A friend of mine has mild anorexia (she’s on psych meds to keep it contained) and recently asked me some advice about working out. She told me that she is mainly interested in not being so skinny. I offered to work out with her one day of the week to make sure she’s going about things correctly, with proper form and everything.
The thing is, just going to the gym and working out isn’t effective if her diet and sleeping cycle aren’t also improved. I would normally be really blunt about these other facts, but her dealing with anorexia probably complicates things a bit… especially the proper diet part. I was thinking that if she has trouble eating enough, maybe she could try drinking some protein shakes. But I’m not sure if that would actually be effective in helping her reach her goal of putting on more weight if she’s not eating properly other times of the day. If anyone has any advice on how I could more effectively broach that subject without being insulting or belittling I would appreciate it.
If she’s on medicine to contain her anorexia she knows she has an issue. You could start with simple asking her what she eats and listen empathically.
I would also suggest that you think about your relationship with her. What does she want? Does she want your approval? Does she want that you tell her what to do, to not have to take the responsibility for herself? Does she care about looking beautiful to you? Does she want a relationship with you? Do you want a relationship with her?
Knowing answers to questions like that is important when you deal with deep psychological issues. It shapes how the words you say will be understood.
That’s actually a good question. Without disclosing too much of her psych history, she seems to be really impulsive and might even be prone to addiction. I suppose she could get an exercise disorder… this makes it even more complicated than I thought.
I’d caution that suspecting (out loud) that she might develop an exercise disorder would be one of those insulting or belittling things you were worried about (either because it seems like a cheap shot based on the anorexia diagnosis, or because this might be one approach to actually getting out from under the anorexia by exerting control over her body).
Likely a better approach to this concern would be to silently watch for those behaviours developing and worry about it if and when it actually does happen. (Note that refusing to help her with training and diet means she gets this help from someone who is not watching out for the possibility of exercise addiction).
There are a few approaches that might work for different people:
Talk as though she doesn’t have anorexia. Since you are aware, you can tailor your message to avoid saying anything seriously upsetting (i.e you can present the diet assuming control of diet is easy, or assuming control of diet is hard). I don’t recommend this approach.
Confront the issue directly (“Exercise is what tells your body to grow muscle, but food is what muscles are actually built out of, so without a caloric surplus your progress will be slow. I’m aware that this is probably a much harder challenge for you than most people...”). I don’t recommend this approach.
Ask her how she feels about discussing diet. (“Do you feel comfortable discussing diet with me? Feel free to say no. Also, don’t feel constrained by your answer to this question; if later you start wishing you’d said no, just say that, and I’ll stop.”). I recommend this approach.
In any case, make it clear from the outset you want to be respectful about it.
You may directly ask her in what terms she prefers to discuss those matters. That way you’ll get across your message, i.e. that proper diet is worth talking about, with little risk of involving the wrong message in the mix.
This form of question seems no less likely to raise problems than asking about the topic itself.
I’d suggest something more along the lines of “This is pretty standard advice, and it works for most people, but it’s built on some assumptions about an average diet. How much should I be tailoring it for you?” Which is basically an indirect request for a status report, without implying anything about whether or not her current eating pattern is unhealthy. From that response, you can probably gauge to what degree you can safely bring it up directly.
If she wants to get bigger, then I’d get her started with Greyskull LP. It’s a fairly basic beginner weight lifting program that, when combined with a caloric surplus, will get good results for size and strength. There isn’t much work involved (just three sets on 2-3 exercises; doing more is counterproductive for beginners) so it won’t use as much energy as a cardio or circuit intensive routine.
A couple of protein shakes with milk/almond milk are enough to get a caloric surplus going. You only need 250-500 extra calories to make good gains, and you can easily get that with a shake or two.
A friend of mine has mild anorexia (she’s on psych meds to keep it contained)
I don’t have good ideas about dealing with anorexia, but I think you should suggest to your friend that she is being used as a pawn by the psycho-pharmaceutical industry to extract dollars from her health insurance provider.
A friend of mine has mild anorexia (she’s on psych meds to keep it contained) and recently asked me some advice about working out. She told me that she is mainly interested in not being so skinny. I offered to work out with her one day of the week to make sure she’s going about things correctly, with proper form and everything.
The thing is, just going to the gym and working out isn’t effective if her diet and sleeping cycle aren’t also improved. I would normally be really blunt about these other facts, but her dealing with anorexia probably complicates things a bit… especially the proper diet part. I was thinking that if she has trouble eating enough, maybe she could try drinking some protein shakes. But I’m not sure if that would actually be effective in helping her reach her goal of putting on more weight if she’s not eating properly other times of the day. If anyone has any advice on how I could more effectively broach that subject without being insulting or belittling I would appreciate it.
If she’s on medicine to contain her anorexia she knows she has an issue. You could start with simple asking her what she eats and listen empathically.
I would also suggest that you think about your relationship with her. What does she want? Does she want your approval? Does she want that you tell her what to do, to not have to take the responsibility for herself? Does she care about looking beautiful to you? Does she want a relationship with you? Do you want a relationship with her?
Knowing answers to questions like that is important when you deal with deep psychological issues. It shapes how the words you say will be understood.
Do you have any thoughts about whether she’s at risk for an exercise disorder?
That’s actually a good question. Without disclosing too much of her psych history, she seems to be really impulsive and might even be prone to addiction. I suppose she could get an exercise disorder… this makes it even more complicated than I thought.
I’d caution that suspecting (out loud) that she might develop an exercise disorder would be one of those insulting or belittling things you were worried about (either because it seems like a cheap shot based on the anorexia diagnosis, or because this might be one approach to actually getting out from under the anorexia by exerting control over her body).
Likely a better approach to this concern would be to silently watch for those behaviours developing and worry about it if and when it actually does happen. (Note that refusing to help her with training and diet means she gets this help from someone who is not watching out for the possibility of exercise addiction).
There are a few approaches that might work for different people:
Talk as though she doesn’t have anorexia. Since you are aware, you can tailor your message to avoid saying anything seriously upsetting (i.e you can present the diet assuming control of diet is easy, or assuming control of diet is hard). I don’t recommend this approach.
Confront the issue directly (“Exercise is what tells your body to grow muscle, but food is what muscles are actually built out of, so without a caloric surplus your progress will be slow. I’m aware that this is probably a much harder challenge for you than most people...”). I don’t recommend this approach.
Ask her how she feels about discussing diet. (“Do you feel comfortable discussing diet with me? Feel free to say no. Also, don’t feel constrained by your answer to this question; if later you start wishing you’d said no, just say that, and I’ll stop.”). I recommend this approach.
In any case, make it clear from the outset you want to be respectful about it.
You may directly ask her in what terms she prefers to discuss those matters. That way you’ll get across your message, i.e. that proper diet is worth talking about, with little risk of involving the wrong message in the mix.
This form of question seems no less likely to raise problems than asking about the topic itself.
I’d suggest something more along the lines of “This is pretty standard advice, and it works for most people, but it’s built on some assumptions about an average diet. How much should I be tailoring it for you?” Which is basically an indirect request for a status report, without implying anything about whether or not her current eating pattern is unhealthy. From that response, you can probably gauge to what degree you can safely bring it up directly.
If she wants to get bigger, then I’d get her started with Greyskull LP. It’s a fairly basic beginner weight lifting program that, when combined with a caloric surplus, will get good results for size and strength. There isn’t much work involved (just three sets on 2-3 exercises; doing more is counterproductive for beginners) so it won’t use as much energy as a cardio or circuit intensive routine.
A couple of protein shakes with milk/almond milk are enough to get a caloric surplus going. You only need 250-500 extra calories to make good gains, and you can easily get that with a shake or two.
I don’t have good ideas about dealing with anorexia, but I think you should suggest to your friend that she is being used as a pawn by the psycho-pharmaceutical industry to extract dollars from her health insurance provider.
Evidence? Is this just a general anti-psych-meds comment or do you have a basis for thinking that in this particular case they’re problematic?