Here’s the lyrics to Yvain’s The Devil and Blaise Pascal:
The Devil went down to Paris. He was looking for a soul to steal. He saw Blaise Pascal hunched over a scroll And he said, “Let’s make a deal.
“I’ve heard you play the fiddle. Well, I’m a fiddle player too. So I bet your soul against a fiddle of gold ’Cause I think I’m better than you.
Said Pascal, “Monsieur le Diable, I can sing and I can dance, And I’m better than you, yes I know it’s true, Ninety-nine-percent-plus chance.
“And that fiddle of gold, well if it was sold, It could feed me pretty well. But there’s infinity disutility Out of any chance of hell.
“So my calculations tell me That my answer must be non. Now take your poison deal, Say au revoir and get thee gone.”
Pascal, set your gains as X and make your losses Y. Estimate your chance of winning and cross-mulitply. On one side, P-sub-win times value(fiddle made of gold), And on the other, P-sub-loss times soul.
Well, smoke comes out the Devil’s ears, But in his heart he knows he’s beat. Since he can’t get a soul, he switches his goal, ’Cause revenge to him is sweet.
And he says, “I’ve been outwitted, sure, And I guess I’m leaving soon. But I’m still your guest and I’ve one request: Let me fiddle you a tune.”
The Devil puts down his fiddle, And now Pascal takes up his. And he plays a tune he’s been working on; It sounds a lot like this:
Fire on the mountain, run boys run! One One one One two one One! / Three three one One four six four! / One one five and fiddle some more!
Said the Devil, “It’s infinitely bad To end that song and dance. And I won’t tell you why, and I’d probably lie, But can you really take that chance?”
Blaise fills with trepidation As his calculations turn the Devil’s way, And they say in the Paris catacombs His ghost is fiddling to this day.
Fire on the mountain, run boys run! One One one One two one One! / Three three one One four six four! / One one five and fiddle some more!
Many many years ago, when I was but a youth I studied to all hours in a frantic search for Truth I was sitting in my study, ’midst the books that I had read When I glanced out of the window, and a bat flew overhead And I thought:
What is it like to be a bat? Oh, if only I knew that! I could probably explain All the secrets of the brain If I knew what it was like to be a bat
It seemed to me the answer to the riddle of the mind Would be found in the experience of those least like humankind In unfamiliar qualia, like those of the bat who hears The echo of an insect in its ultrasonic ears And I thought:
What is it like to be a bat? Oh, if only I knew that! I could be more self-aware I could become department chair! If I knew what it was like to be a bat
It turned into a passion, then an all-consuming mania My research took me far and wide, till I reached Transylvania And there beneath a castle tossed by storms and lost in mist The townspeople declared the local noble could assist Could tell me:
What it was like to be a bat? Oh, if only I knew that! I could see with different eyes I could win a Nobel Prize! If I knew what it was like to be a bat
The noble said he’d help me, and I babbled out my thanks He responded with a smile, and it looked a lot like fangs I really don’t remember much that happened after that But when I awoke that evening, I could turn into a bat.
What is it like to be a bat? Oh, I finally know that! Now I sleep within a coffin And don’t see the sun too often But I know what it’s like to be a bat
What is it like to be a bat? Oh, I’m an expert on that I was bookish once, and stuffy Now I live in fear of Buffy But I know what it’s like to be a bat
Thales, Socrates, Zeno and Empedocles ’Naximander, ’Naximenes, Anaxagoras Logos eros ontos noos, square of the hypotenuse Echecrates, Archelaus, and Protagoras Gorgias, Parmenides, Strato and Diogenes Euclid writes his Elements, Pyrrho says he’s not convinced Aristotle, Plato, Cicero and Cato Plotinus, Apollodorus, come on baby sing the chorus
[Chorus:
We didn’t start the fire! It was always burning since the dawn of learning! We didn’t start the fire! Each new sage and writer makes it even brighter! ]
Augustine, Boethius, Erigena Scotus Avicenna, Avicebron, Al-Ghalazi Gregory, St. Bernard, Heloise and Abelard Terms exist, Eucharist, Christ’s divinity Necessary entities, Moses ben Maimonides Anselm’s ontological, Summa Theologica Occam, Buridan, Aristotle’s back again Angels, free will, origin of evil!
[Chorus]
Renaissance, The Prince, Luther founds the Protestants Earth goes round the sun, Calvin and Melancthon Telescopes, More’s high hopes, mystics and reformist popes Galileo, Giordano Bruno
Cogito ergo sum, Francis Bacon, deism Jesuits, Mersenne, Sweden has a Catholic queen Hobbes, Locke, Cherbury, tangents, probability Natural law, pumping air, Newton lays the heavens bare!
[Chorus]
Bishop Berkeley, Leibnitz, who discovered calculus? Voltaire, David Hume, Malthus fears impending doom Adam Smith, dogmatic slumber, greatest good for greatest number Mill, Hegel, Kierkegaard, Darwin hits religion hard Comte, James, Schopenhauer, Karl Marx, will to power Here’s a hand, plain as day, what else do I have to say!
[Chorus]
Freud, Jung, morning star, Russell’s new Principia Carnap wants concreteness, Godel’s incompleteness Tarski, Popper, dasein, late and early Wittgenstein Ryle, Turing, Sartre thinks life is boring Ayer, Quine, rights for blacks, trolley car is off its tracks ’Pologetics, new aesthetics, Rawls, Searle, cybernetics Chomsky, Rorty, Nagel’s bats, modal logic, brains in vats Virtue ethics redux—preach it baby all is flux!
We didn’t start the fire! It was always burning, since the dawn of learning! We didn’t start the fire! But the more we know, the brighter it will glow... ...and grow...and grow...and grow…
The soul is an illusion A cause of much confusion And very little gain And the facts would be consistent If my soul were nonexistent If I only had a brain
I’d unravel schemes Cartesian Replacing them with reashon And make things clear again I’d elucidate how mostly I’m a shell, but not so ghostly If I only had a brain
Oh I Can’t tell you why So many folk expound On mental states they don’t know how to ground When no such states Are to be found!
I’d abandon all reliance On fields less pure than science Confusing in the main Talk of mind would be denotin’ Simple acts of cells and prot’in If I only had a brain
Yes, I edited it after your comment. I was going to just leave the lyrics in a comment as quoted text, but I forgot to use the Markdown formatting when I submitted the comment. Then I spent a couple minutes editing the formatting. Then after seeing your comment I decided that I really ought to explicitly attribute it.
Here’s the lyrics to Yvain’s The Devil and Blaise Pascal:
“will tell you why” should be “won’t tell you why”.
Do you want the other song lyrics?
Ah, that makes sense.
Yes, please :D
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A BAT
Many many years ago, when I was but a youth
I studied to all hours in a frantic search for Truth
I was sitting in my study, ’midst the books that I had read
When I glanced out of the window, and a bat flew overhead
And I thought:
What is it like to be a bat?
Oh, if only I knew that!
I could probably explain
All the secrets of the brain
If I knew what it was like to be a bat
It seemed to me the answer to the riddle of the mind
Would be found in the experience of those least like humankind
In unfamiliar qualia, like those of the bat who hears
The echo of an insect in its ultrasonic ears
And I thought:
What is it like to be a bat?
Oh, if only I knew that!
I could be more self-aware
I could become department chair!
If I knew what it was like to be a bat
It turned into a passion, then an all-consuming mania
My research took me far and wide, till I reached Transylvania
And there beneath a castle tossed by storms and lost in mist
The townspeople declared the local noble could assist
Could tell me:
What it was like to be a bat?
Oh, if only I knew that!
I could see with different eyes
I could win a Nobel Prize!
If I knew what it was like to be a bat
The noble said he’d help me, and I babbled out my thanks
He responded with a smile, and it looked a lot like fangs
I really don’t remember much that happened after that
But when I awoke that evening, I could turn into a bat.
What is it like to be a bat?
Oh, I finally know that!
Now I sleep within a coffin
And don’t see the sun too often
But I know what it’s like to be a bat
What is it like to be a bat?
Oh, I’m an expert on that
I was bookish once, and stuffy
Now I live in fear of Buffy
But I know what it’s like to be a bat
:D
The music is I am my own grandpa, right?
It is. Mike edited it a little to include some more choruses.
WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE (GRAND FINALE)
Thales, Socrates, Zeno and Empedocles
’Naximander, ’Naximenes, Anaxagoras
Logos eros ontos noos, square of the hypotenuse
Echecrates, Archelaus, and Protagoras
Gorgias, Parmenides, Strato and Diogenes
Euclid writes his Elements, Pyrrho says he’s not convinced
Aristotle, Plato, Cicero and Cato
Plotinus, Apollodorus, come on baby sing the chorus
[Chorus: We didn’t start the fire!
It was always burning since the dawn of learning!
We didn’t start the fire!
Each new sage and writer makes it even brighter! ]
Augustine, Boethius, Erigena Scotus
Avicenna, Avicebron, Al-Ghalazi
Gregory, St. Bernard, Heloise and Abelard
Terms exist, Eucharist, Christ’s divinity
Necessary entities, Moses ben Maimonides
Anselm’s ontological, Summa Theologica
Occam, Buridan, Aristotle’s back again
Angels, free will, origin of evil!
[Chorus]
Renaissance, The Prince, Luther founds the Protestants
Earth goes round the sun, Calvin and Melancthon
Telescopes, More’s high hopes, mystics and reformist popes
Galileo, Giordano Bruno
Cogito ergo sum, Francis Bacon, deism
Jesuits, Mersenne, Sweden has a Catholic queen
Hobbes, Locke, Cherbury, tangents, probability
Natural law, pumping air, Newton lays the heavens bare!
[Chorus]
Bishop Berkeley, Leibnitz, who discovered calculus?
Voltaire, David Hume, Malthus fears impending doom
Adam Smith, dogmatic slumber, greatest good for greatest number
Mill, Hegel, Kierkegaard, Darwin hits religion hard
Comte, James, Schopenhauer, Karl Marx, will to power
Here’s a hand, plain as day, what else do I have to say!
[Chorus]
Freud, Jung, morning star, Russell’s new Principia
Carnap wants concreteness, Godel’s incompleteness
Tarski, Popper, dasein, late and early Wittgenstein
Ryle, Turing, Sartre thinks life is boring
Ayer, Quine, rights for blacks, trolley car is off its tracks
’Pologetics, new aesthetics, Rawls, Searle, cybernetics
Chomsky, Rorty, Nagel’s bats, modal logic, brains in vats
Virtue ethics redux—preach it baby all is flux!
We didn’t start the fire!
It was always burning, since the dawn of learning!
We didn’t start the fire!
But the more we know, the brighter it will glow...
...and grow...and grow...and grow…
[Chorus]
Also, the lines
Are all mixed up.
ZOMBIES’ SECRET
The soul is an illusion
A cause of much confusion
And very little gain
And the facts would be consistent
If my soul were nonexistent
If I only had a brain
I’d unravel schemes Cartesian
Replacing them with reashon
And make things clear again
I’d elucidate how mostly
I’m a shell, but not so ghostly
If I only had a brain
Oh I
Can’t tell you why
So many folk expound
On mental states they don’t know how to ground
When no such states
Are to be found!
I’d abandon all reliance
On fields less pure than science
Confusing in the main
Talk of mind would be denotin’
Simple acts of cells and prot’in
If I only had a brain
Wow. That’s utterly brilliant. Is this original to you?
No no no! It’s Yvain’s.
Ah, did you just edit in that remark or am I just that poor at reading comp?
Yes, I edited it after your comment. I was going to just leave the lyrics in a comment as quoted text, but I forgot to use the Markdown formatting when I submitted the comment. Then I spent a couple minutes editing the formatting. Then after seeing your comment I decided that I really ought to explicitly attribute it.