I use the term bullshit technically, in the same way it’s presented in “On bullshit”—a statement made without regard for its truth value. I’m not sure if we use the term in the same way, which is why I’m not sure I follow.
Here’s an attempt at elaborating on what I tried to convey in the paragraph you quoted:
My instincts are shaped by my cultural and genetic heritage, amongst other factors, and I tend to put less credence to them in cases where there’s been a distribution shift. The thing you quoted was in the context of cuddling with strangers—an activity unlikely to lead to harm. I think it’s one of the safest ways to explore intimacy, given the held space, initial consent practice, outspoken non-sexual nature, and presence of a group to deter violations.
And yet, many people fear it. They feel uncomfortable, have a sense of aversion etc. I attribute this to lingering religious sentiments in one’s socialization, together with an evolved tendency to fear social repercussions. Most people are way too risk-averse in the social arena—traces from an ancestral environment where exclusion equalled death.
In general, I want to be able to trust my instincts. I actively try to update my instinctual reactions in cases where there’s been a distribution shift—such as the quoted context. De-biasing instinctual reactions seems like high-value work, given the prevalence of system 2 thinking.
Then again, there are reasons you might want to avoid cuddling with strangers—global pandemics, potential ptsd triggers etc. But if you just have an ugh reaction, try to trace it back to where it likely comes from and ask yourself if your instinct is up to date with the actual risk profile of said cuddling.
less credence is very different from ‘most likely not rational.’ We don’t know why we have the priors that we do, but many on close examination have useful things to tell us about what is likely to be harmful. I know people who report emotional harm from engaging with the sorts of communities in which cuddle parties are a thing, in ways that were fairly unsurprising.
Interesting. I’d love to hear more details if you are able to provide them—being involved in such spaces, I am keen on harm reduction. Knowing the dynamics driving the emotional damage would allow me to protect myself and others.
I totally understand if there are integrity concerns blocking you.
I think personal boundaries are useful for the same reason that gatekeeping is useful, and that intolerance is often linked to personal standards. Why should a country have borders? Why shouldn’t you share deeply personal feelings and thoughts online? I think the reason is the same. When two things are mixed, the result is something in-between the two. The higher force loses from the transactions, and the lower benefits. Thus, it’s only natural that we’d develop skepticism against the unfamiliar.
Your instincts protect you against parasitism and against people who are touch starved for very good reasons. Some people lack this instinct, and make me out to be a bad guy for it, demanding that I hurt myself by considering everyone to be equal.
That said, I still recommend cuddling with people who fit your personal standards (as opposed to any strangers), and warn you that the stronger your self-protective instincts are, the more you will isolate yourself from what’s enjoyable in life. The trick is finding an environment in which you can be innocent and naive and let your guard down and relax, without being taken advantage of immediately. I believe that such places exist, but I also believe that they’re gatekept or isolated to some degree. Friend-groups are arguably such a thing. It’s just like if you find a beach which isn’t filled with people or glass and plastic, then it’s likely a private beach. Innocent people and untouched natural resources share the same principles. Finding a lake which hasn’t been overfished is the same as finding a person who hasn’t been scammed to the point that they’re skeptical of marketing.
I would recommend reconsidering dismissing your intuitions as bullshit.
Care to elaborate, I’m not sure I follow?
I use the term bullshit technically, in the same way it’s presented in “On bullshit”—a statement made without regard for its truth value. I’m not sure if we use the term in the same way, which is why I’m not sure I follow.
Here’s an attempt at elaborating on what I tried to convey in the paragraph you quoted:
My instincts are shaped by my cultural and genetic heritage, amongst other factors, and I tend to put less credence to them in cases where there’s been a distribution shift. The thing you quoted was in the context of cuddling with strangers—an activity unlikely to lead to harm. I think it’s one of the safest ways to explore intimacy, given the held space, initial consent practice, outspoken non-sexual nature, and presence of a group to deter violations.
And yet, many people fear it. They feel uncomfortable, have a sense of aversion etc. I attribute this to lingering religious sentiments in one’s socialization, together with an evolved tendency to fear social repercussions. Most people are way too risk-averse in the social arena—traces from an ancestral environment where exclusion equalled death.
In general, I want to be able to trust my instincts. I actively try to update my instinctual reactions in cases where there’s been a distribution shift—such as the quoted context. De-biasing instinctual reactions seems like high-value work, given the prevalence of system 2 thinking.
Then again, there are reasons you might want to avoid cuddling with strangers—global pandemics, potential ptsd triggers etc. But if you just have an ugh reaction, try to trace it back to where it likely comes from and ask yourself if your instinct is up to date with the actual risk profile of said cuddling.
less credence is very different from ‘most likely not rational.’ We don’t know why we have the priors that we do, but many on close examination have useful things to tell us about what is likely to be harmful. I know people who report emotional harm from engaging with the sorts of communities in which cuddle parties are a thing, in ways that were fairly unsurprising.
Interesting. I’d love to hear more details if you are able to provide them—being involved in such spaces, I am keen on harm reduction. Knowing the dynamics driving the emotional damage would allow me to protect myself and others.
I totally understand if there are integrity concerns blocking you.
I think personal boundaries are useful for the same reason that gatekeeping is useful, and that intolerance is often linked to personal standards.
Why should a country have borders? Why shouldn’t you share deeply personal feelings and thoughts online? I think the reason is the same.
When two things are mixed, the result is something in-between the two. The higher force loses from the transactions, and the lower benefits. Thus, it’s only natural that we’d develop skepticism against the unfamiliar.
Your instincts protect you against parasitism and against people who are touch starved for very good reasons. Some people lack this instinct, and make me out to be a bad guy for it, demanding that I hurt myself by considering everyone to be equal.
That said, I still recommend cuddling with people who fit your personal standards (as opposed to any strangers), and warn you that the stronger your self-protective instincts are, the more you will isolate yourself from what’s enjoyable in life. The trick is finding an environment in which you can be innocent and naive and let your guard down and relax, without being taken advantage of immediately. I believe that such places exist, but I also believe that they’re gatekept or isolated to some degree. Friend-groups are arguably such a thing.
It’s just like if you find a beach which isn’t filled with people or glass and plastic, then it’s likely a private beach. Innocent people and untouched natural resources share the same principles. Finding a lake which hasn’t been overfished is the same as finding a person who hasn’t been scammed to the point that they’re skeptical of marketing.
I just wrote this piece, which is very related to this discussion: Compensating for life biases