As an extrovert who likes talking to clever people, but often finds that there’s a barrier between myself and the shy that needs to be pushed through, I really appreciate the efforts you have made to make it possible for us to genuinely like one another. I feel I ought to reciprocate. Is there a ‘guide to getting along with introverts’ somewhere? I’d imagine that since I don’t know whether I’m doing anything wrong, I’m probably doing lots of wrong things and alienating people that I’d enjoy being friends with.
I don’t know of any guides. My own strategies for working with introverts include:
Explicitly create a space for them to express their ideas, without obliging them to do so. E.g., ask open-ended questions in a diffuse way, rather than either putting them on the spot to express a position on a topic of my choice or counting on them to grab the floor when they have something they want to say
Explicitly pick up on the stuff they say, refer back to it often as I respond to it. (This is also helpful with extroverts, but for different reasons, and not nearly as necessary.)
Allow myself to be comfortable with silence… don’t feel obligated to fill it.
Find tasks we can both concentrate on together, rather than concentrating exclusively on one another. (This is also helpful with extroverts, but for different reasons, and not nearly as necessary.)
Explicitly pick up on the stuff they say, refer back to it often as I respond to it. (This is also helpful with extroverts, but for different reasons, and not nearly as necessary.)
I find extroverts are also less likely to remember what they have previously said. They are much more likely to get confused when you refer to their own statements.
Sometimes. Sometimes not. Depends on the person and the situation. But it’s one of the easiest things to do on that list, and it’s something I can practice even in groups of extraverts. So, yeah, it’s often a good place to start.
As an extrovert who likes talking to clever people, but often finds that there’s a barrier between myself and the shy that needs to be pushed through, I really appreciate the efforts you have made to make it possible for us to genuinely like one another. I feel I ought to reciprocate. Is there a ‘guide to getting along with introverts’ somewhere? I’d imagine that since I don’t know whether I’m doing anything wrong, I’m probably doing lots of wrong things and alienating people that I’d enjoy being friends with.
I don’t know of any guides. My own strategies for working with introverts include:
Explicitly create a space for them to express their ideas, without obliging them to do so. E.g., ask open-ended questions in a diffuse way, rather than either putting them on the spot to express a position on a topic of my choice or counting on them to grab the floor when they have something they want to say
Explicitly pick up on the stuff they say, refer back to it often as I respond to it. (This is also helpful with extroverts, but for different reasons, and not nearly as necessary.)
Allow myself to be comfortable with silence… don’t feel obligated to fill it.
Find tasks we can both concentrate on together, rather than concentrating exclusively on one another. (This is also helpful with extroverts, but for different reasons, and not nearly as necessary.)
I find extroverts are also less likely to remember what they have previously said. They are much more likely to get confused when you refer to their own statements.
Huh.
I’ve never had that thought, but it is entirely consistent with my experience.
Adds to toolkit
This is the best place to start, I think- note how it is a foundation for the first and last items on your list.
Sometimes. Sometimes not. Depends on the person and the situation.
But it’s one of the easiest things to do on that list, and it’s something I can practice even in groups of extraverts. So, yeah, it’s often a good place to start.