Taking just extroversion for example, I know people (we all do) whose emotional stability seems to require almost constant networking and meeting new people. I’ve tried to fake this ability, and learn it...because it is a great way (sometimes the only way) to be successful in certain areas of business. Most people would never guess it (so I guess I’m doing a decent job of trying to be extroverted), but I’m strongly introverted, and it takes great effort for me to become the Networking Version of myself for a couple hours at a business event or happy hour.
Over time, I believe this effort to be extroverted takes a significant toll on my overall mood and motivation levels. In order to be something you aren’t, you are basically engaging in something you are really bad at and don’t enjoy—which tends to wear on my self-image. And in the case of extroversion, you are meeting contacts and forming friendships under some false-ish pretenses, since you are only pretending to be that way. In some cases, people will expect you to be the Extroverted Version indefinitely, even though you were just wearing that hat and trying to adopt those habits in the way the post suggests.
Though you can (and I have) become a pretty passable faux-extrovert, I think it can be (and has been for me) a net bad choice. I shoulda just been introverted, neurotic and depressive all along, and focused on the comparitive advantages those traits have to offer.
I’m in a similar boat, but I found ways to make faux-extroversion work for me.
What I basically found was that if I engage with individuals at group events as though we were alone, then all I have to “fake” is the being-in-public body language… basically, I have to have individual conversations as though I were on stage. The emotional impact is similar to that of a private conversation, and having superficially public conversations that have the internal structure of private ones seems to really convey extroversion, since I’m talking about stuff people don’t tend to talk about in public.
But it takes a certain amount of self-monitoring and steering to remain in that state; once I tire out I can’t maintain it anymore.
you are basically engaging in something you are really bad at and don’t enjoy
From your description, it seems like you’re engaging in something you’re good at and don’t enjoy. (I mention this because I expect that realizing you’ve become skilled at this might cause you to enjoy it more. If you try to have the skill instead of trying to fake the skill, you might find that you’ve already done most of the work.)
I don’t think they are optimal, but it may be better to embrace what traits you have than try and possess optimal trait you do not.
In my experience, it is best for me to be me. It takes a big toll on me to try and be something I’m not. There are advantages, but I sense it is a net loss.
This is my general take, too.
Taking just extroversion for example, I know people (we all do) whose emotional stability seems to require almost constant networking and meeting new people. I’ve tried to fake this ability, and learn it...because it is a great way (sometimes the only way) to be successful in certain areas of business. Most people would never guess it (so I guess I’m doing a decent job of trying to be extroverted), but I’m strongly introverted, and it takes great effort for me to become the Networking Version of myself for a couple hours at a business event or happy hour.
Over time, I believe this effort to be extroverted takes a significant toll on my overall mood and motivation levels. In order to be something you aren’t, you are basically engaging in something you are really bad at and don’t enjoy—which tends to wear on my self-image. And in the case of extroversion, you are meeting contacts and forming friendships under some false-ish pretenses, since you are only pretending to be that way. In some cases, people will expect you to be the Extroverted Version indefinitely, even though you were just wearing that hat and trying to adopt those habits in the way the post suggests.
Though you can (and I have) become a pretty passable faux-extrovert, I think it can be (and has been for me) a net bad choice. I shoulda just been introverted, neurotic and depressive all along, and focused on the comparitive advantages those traits have to offer.
I’m in a similar boat, but I found ways to make faux-extroversion work for me.
What I basically found was that if I engage with individuals at group events as though we were alone, then all I have to “fake” is the being-in-public body language… basically, I have to have individual conversations as though I were on stage. The emotional impact is similar to that of a private conversation, and having superficially public conversations that have the internal structure of private ones seems to really convey extroversion, since I’m talking about stuff people don’t tend to talk about in public.
But it takes a certain amount of self-monitoring and steering to remain in that state; once I tire out I can’t maintain it anymore.
From your description, it seems like you’re engaging in something you’re good at and don’t enjoy. (I mention this because I expect that realizing you’ve become skilled at this might cause you to enjoy it more. If you try to have the skill instead of trying to fake the skill, you might find that you’ve already done most of the work.)
I can see the comparative advantages of being an introvert, but what are they for the latter two?
Perhaps they aid in creative pursuits, build the capacity for empathy, very close attention to detail, less prone to certain biases.
I don’t think they are optimal, but it may be better to embrace what traits you have than try and possess optimal trait you do not.
I think I’ll have to agree they can be good for your genes and your pursuits, but are they good for you?
In my experience, it is best for me to be me. It takes a big toll on me to try and be something I’m not. There are advantages, but I sense it is a net loss.