Right, but more specifically, the annoying parts are their denial of the problem and reluctance to improve. We’d all be a lot more sympathetic otherwise.
pwno
Karma: 525
How to understand people better
Running around the block is a good start :)
I might write a follow-up post with the kind of advice you’re looking for.
There are “empathy challenges” all around you. Whenever you observe or interact with someone, really try to understand why they behaved the way they did—feel it on a gut level. Feeling confident about your conclusions is key. Keeping a checklist similar to the one in the post is helpful to keep in mind when confronted with these challenges.
However, without actually interacting with people, entering relationships or reading about social dynamics, your models of people won’t be entangled with reality. My advice is more about how to be an active learner given you are doing these things.
You can do that with a lot of topics on LW...
Explaining her flaws in such a scientific, matter-of-fact way shows how emotionally distant he was. She probably felt like the guy she loved just dropped off an eviction notice.
It’s a good exercise in finding your true objections.
Unless the rejection is accompanied by occasional successes, this may be a good way to lower your self-esteem. The trick is learning to accept rejection—using each opportunity to succeed and learning from each failed attempt.
I find that intelligence is positively correlated with the amount one spends thinking about intelligence.
You’ll feel more uneasy when someone’s flirting.
Dating is for people who have trouble hooking up without making their intentions explicit.
Some thoughts regarding the difference between level 2 and 3:
Seems like a level 3 understanding necessitates an insight-producing ability (i.e. ability to improve existing models) -- otherwise your models wouldn’t regenerate if destroyed. The question is why your insights with a level 2 understanding aren’t evidence of a level 3 understanding. Or whether it’s even possible to have insights with a level 2 understanding.
If we’re able to regenerate a model, we obviously have model-making abilities. But isn’t the same happening when you draw connections between your models? The moment you realize two or more models are connected, you’ve added to your model of reality. Neither model predicted their relationship with the other, your insight connected the two, improving your older model.
How’s level 3 different from level 2?
lol, alright.
Really like your “you should message me if” section. I would word it a bit differently, but definitely intriguing.
Many people have the same experience. You’ve landed the right mindset for a brief time and your outer game improved.
I believe the mindset is mostly a function of personal expectations about your interactions with women. When you expect the interactions to go towards your desired direction, you’re more likely to hit the mindset. Problem is, you can’t make yourself expect positive results just like you can’t make yourself expect coldness when you touch fire.
The most straightforward technique to “switching” this mindset on is to prove to yourself, on a conscious and subconscious level, that you should expect positive results. Gather your evidence, by achieving easier, related goals. For example, if you’re in a nightclub and not in you preferred mindset, try achieving the following:
Ask 5 people for a piece of gum or the time.
Introduce yourself to other men or women you’re not interested in
Ask a good looking female friend to join you
Call up a female friend and have a chat
Make and hold eye contact with 5 girls (without approaching)
You can probably come up with small goals yourself too.
Depends what you mean by “have no business giving advice.”
Not all advice without evidence is bad advice. There are heuristics we use to figure out which unsupported advice is better than others. Based on some people’s heuristics, like Vladamir_M’s, my unsupported advice would more likely lead to better results (assuming all else equal).
Wrote my comment in light of this:
If you’re a man looking for women, the idea of asking women for advice in love and dating, versus getting advice from men who are successful with women, stand in about the same relation when it comes to the expected practical success.
What evidence would you expect me to be able to provide online?
I can help you write that section if you’d like.
Sure, it may have had a small (overstatement) effect, but it was worth it.