This week, my therapist and I talked about the nature and subtleties of my major forms of akrasia, and have begun the conversation that I hope will help me change or break them. After years of trying to deal with these problems by myself, it’s oddly freeing to be beholden to someone else and also to have someone who is committed but not emotionally bound to me and my success.
My focus this week is to think of possible mantras that I could use to stay on task and begin (if not complete) tasks I know I need to do but I don’t want to do. Lots of rereading of the anti-akrasia threads here.
I’ve dropped out of college twice, and had considered that I would never go back (financial reasons, motivation reasons, doing “work” things with my life now). I decided with the new year that I would try to break into a new field, one which historically hasn’t required a college degree but one definite helps (software development), and have found that businesses in my area look for one.
In talking with a friend in the field and one of the employers who turned me down, I went to the local community college and found that their course-work, their prices, and their availability are far more manageable than I had realized. I’m now taking steps to apply for the summer semester.
I told at least three people I wouldn’t ever go back to school two weeks ago, and I had no interest in it. Here I am, moving towards it. Feels weird, but like the right step.