Positive experience: My monogamous relationship was suffering due to my partner’s sudden drop in libido and the tension this caused. Although I had read Polyhacking, we didn’t really consider Consensual Non-Monogamy until my partner met another person in an open marriage who framed it as a positive thing. Since we opened up, my partner and I have been much happier, although lately there has been stress due to my partner not currently seeing anyone else and wanting more of my time.
atorm
Karma: 1,414
Per passive_fist’s suggestion, I am collecting my experiences as replies to this comment and deleting the originals. I’m keeping them as separate comments so that they may be replied to individually.
Oh good grief. What has happened here? How do I fix it? How do I summon a mod?
Not here? I’ve seen lots of monogamous relationships.
Stop letting in people we don’t want!
Actually, the current hypothesis is brain damage. I know that sounds like insulting hyperbole, but he had a serious head injury a few years ago, and his behavior has become more and more erratic recently. She’s trying to get him to get a head scan. But no, I don’t actually think the issue is polyamory.
Interested in negative outcomes caused by poly-ness, but I’ve posted all my experiences, including the two that seem to have issues unrelated to being poly, because I think more data are better.
Positive experience: I dated someone who knew both my primary partner and me. Doing so did not affect their friendship. I ended the relationship fairly amicably for reasons unrelated to non-monogamy.
Positive experience: I dated someone who was already in a primary relationship. They ended it fairly amicably because they felt that my primary relationship was affecting my relationship with them in a way they didn’t like.
Neutral/negative experience: My partner has dated two people who would not describe themselves as being poly (they were monogamously interested in my partner). They knew that my relationship to my partner was primary, but still ended up with broken hearts when my partner broke up with them. My partner is fine. This doesn’t look much different from the outcome I would expect if my partner had been monogamous.
Positive experience: A female friend of mine seems extremely satisfied with her poly lifestyle. She has been poly for several years, with a break for monogamy that she regrets.
Positive experience: My monogamous relationship was suffering due to my partner’s sudden drop in libido and the tension this caused. Although I had read Polyhacking, we didn’t really consider Consensual Non-Monogamy until my partner met another person in an open marriage who framed it as a positive thing. Since we opened up, my partner and I have been much happier, although lately there has been stress due to my partner not currently seeing anyone else and wanting more of my time.
Negative experience: A married couple who were living six hours apart opened up their marriage. When I met them they were not having any obvious issues with the arrangement. Eventually it came out that the husband was lying about partners both to his wife and to the other women. The rules of their relationship allowed him to have sex with other women as long as his wife knew about them, and yet he seemed compelled to lie whenever possible. The wife gains some comfort from the support of her lover, and has not yet decided whether to end the marriage.
How do I delete comments? Is that not an option anymore?
Negative experience: I met someone who was in an open relationship with her husband and a boyfriend. Over the next few months I watched her marriage explode as her husband adjusted poorly to anti-depressants. They are in the process of divorcing, and she is on-again off-again with the boyfriend. My impression is that both she and her husband have emotional issues that may have contributed to this outcome.
Per passive_fist’s suggestion, I am collecting my experiences as replies to this comment and deleting the originals. I’m keeping them as separate comments so that they may be replied to individually.
Regarding defection: In my experience, approaching someone with the information that I’m poly and would like to ask them out can be stressful, beyond the usual fear of rejection, because they might react extremely negatively and out me to people I don’t want to know about my relationship status.
Also, “letting” them get into polyamorous relationships? Way to take away the agency of half the population.
You seem to be assuming that most women will limit themselves to one partner while attractive men accrue harems. This is the opposite of my experience.
Negative experience: A married couple who were living six hours apart opened up their marriage. When I met them they were not having any obvious issues with the arrangement. Eventually it came out that the husband was lying about partners both to his wife and to the other women. The rules of their relationship allowed him to have sex with other women as long as his wife knew about them, and yet he seemed compelled to lie whenever possible. The wife gains some comfort from the support of her lover, and has not yet decided whether to end the marriage.