Dark wash jeans can often be more versatile than slacks for situations that aren’t businessy.
atorm
Karma: 1,414
I find that yellow or other warm-colored sunglasses have a noticeable positive effect on my mood.
My thought was indeed “see if you like studying martial arts”.
Turned out true though.
I am sorry someone made you feel that way.
I thought people would think I was paranoid. It would be helpful if we could punish the defector.
That was my guess too, but I was worried about voicing it.
That’s definitely consensual non-monogamy in my opinion.
Take a month of martial arts training (aikido, jujitsu, and judo are popular soft styles, Tae Kwon Do and Krav Maga are two very different hard styles (TKD is fun and mostly useless for defense, Krav is super effective for dangerous situations but pretty grueling)).
Join the local swing dancing scene. If you don’t have one, try salsa or Argentine Tango.
Take an art course. Start with a beginner class that does a little with lots of different of media types, then take a class focusing on the medium you prefer. Do this even if you feel you are bad at art. I am terrible but I still enjoy working with clay.
Buy an Audible subscription and fill useless hours with audiobooks. This can improve commutes and other boring tasks.
Buy either a stereo Bluetooth headset with playback controls on it, or a small mp3 player such as the Sansa Clip Zip that has easily accessible controls outside your pocket. This advice is mostly relevant if you listen to media a lot. Having playback controls very accessible lowers the activation energy of starting your music/podcast/audiobook.
Man, imagine if Eliezer or some other big name wrote “Bi-hacking” and LessWrong became known for all the deliberate bisexuals.
I attribute their problems to the husband’s apparently deteriorating mental health rather than to polyamory. The wife says she feels that polyamory has still been a positive for her despite what has happened.
It happened to me too, on the accidentally deleted version. I kind of wonder if someone just objects to the topic, but I wouldn’t expect that kind of petty behavior from LW.
They had a primary partner, I had a primary partner. We were secondary to each other.
Negative polyamory outcomes?
Negative experience: I met someone who was in an open relationship with her husband and a boyfriend. Over the next few months I watched her marriage explode as her husband adjusted poorly to anti-depressants. They are in the process of divorcing, and she is on-again off-again with the boyfriend. My impression is that both she and her husband have emotional issues that may have contributed to this outcome.
Positive experience: A female friend of mine seems extremely satisfied with her poly lifestyle. She has been poly for several years, with a break for monogamy that she regrets.
Neutral/negative experience: My partner has dated two people who would not describe themselves as being poly (they were monogamously interested in my partner). They knew that my relationship to my partner was primary, but still ended up with broken hearts when my partner broke up with them. My partner is fine. This doesn’t look much different from the outcome I would expect if my partner had been monogamous.
Positive experience: I dated someone who was already in a primary relationship. They ended it fairly amicably because they felt that my primary relationship was affecting my relationship with them in a way they didn’t like.
Positive experience: I dated someone who knew both my primary partner and me. Doing so did not affect their friendship. I ended the relationship fairly amicably for reasons unrelated to non-monogamy.
I know what you mean. For me it helped to come out to everyone I cared about. I wasn’t able/willing to do so with family, and those interactions are more stressful than interactions with friends. The increased mental load of “don’t out yourself” is not insignificant.
However, I’m surprised you’ve been poly for 20 months if you’ve found it to be net negative.