I know what you mean. For me it helped to come out to everyone I cared about. I wasn’t able/willing to do so with family, and those interactions are more stressful than interactions with friends. The increased mental load of “don’t out yourself” is not insignificant.
However, I’m surprised you’ve been poly for 20 months if you’ve found it to be net negative.
Yeah. For me I don’t think so much in terms of “don’t out yourself” (basically figuring this is impossible) as “will I be able to manage my relationship with this bystander with minimum future awkwardness” (which I have maybe unreasonably low priors for.)
I know what you mean. For me it helped to come out to everyone I cared about. I wasn’t able/willing to do so with family, and those interactions are more stressful than interactions with friends. The increased mental load of “don’t out yourself” is not insignificant.
However, I’m surprised you’ve been poly for 20 months if you’ve found it to be net negative.
Yeah. For me I don’t think so much in terms of “don’t out yourself” (basically figuring this is impossible) as “will I be able to manage my relationship with this bystander with minimum future awkwardness” (which I have maybe unreasonably low priors for.)
(Also, not net negative; see above)