Sometimes playing “the offended party” in a social situation has its advantages—especially when dealing with less rational people. Some people find it easier to empathize with you if you show signs of being offended, when all you are is unhappy with a certain state of affairs. I believe this has a net positive effect in certain situations—but must be used with caution because if you are actually offended it might reinforce that behaviour in you.
I’m also not sure if hiding your emotions like that is OK. (as in, morally solid and a good long-term strategy for socializing)
Also (as you stated in part 5), its worse to be offended and not know it. I haven’t found a way to stay away from that aside from actually letting myself be offended for a few seconds or minutes before trying to deal with it every so often. Do you have a more effective method?
Agreed. I worry that not getting offended because it doesn’t seem epistemically useful may come at the expense of not using a social tool which is instrumentally useful for dealing with people. (Getting offended on the internet is probably still a terrible idea—there are good reasons why people’s instincts about what they should be offended at could be miscalibrated for online communication—but I think IRL it can still be valuable.)
I agree with this assessment. My evaluation is that it is an open question whether or not not getting offended sacrifices one’s ability to effectively use the social tool of acting offended in person. My impression is that it does not but I am far from confident in this and in particular think that the answer is unlikely to be the same for all individuals.
must be used with caution because if you are actually offended it might reinforce that behaviour in you.
As well as modelling it for others.
Do you have a more effective method?
How do you recognize that what you are is offended? I find that learning to recognize the physical and contextual correlates of an emotional reaction as they arise, before they start influencing my behavior, is often useful.
Sometimes playing “the offended party” in a social situation has its advantages—especially when dealing with less rational people. Some people find it easier to empathize with you if you show signs of being offended, when all you are is unhappy with a certain state of affairs. I believe this has a net positive effect in certain situations—but must be used with caution because if you are actually offended it might reinforce that behaviour in you.
I’m also not sure if hiding your emotions like that is OK. (as in, morally solid and a good long-term strategy for socializing)
Also (as you stated in part 5), its worse to be offended and not know it. I haven’t found a way to stay away from that aside from actually letting myself be offended for a few seconds or minutes before trying to deal with it every so often. Do you have a more effective method?
Agreed. I worry that not getting offended because it doesn’t seem epistemically useful may come at the expense of not using a social tool which is instrumentally useful for dealing with people. (Getting offended on the internet is probably still a terrible idea—there are good reasons why people’s instincts about what they should be offended at could be miscalibrated for online communication—but I think IRL it can still be valuable.)
I agree with this assessment. My evaluation is that it is an open question whether or not not getting offended sacrifices one’s ability to effectively use the social tool of acting offended in person. My impression is that it does not but I am far from confident in this and in particular think that the answer is unlikely to be the same for all individuals.
As well as modelling it for others.
How do you recognize that what you are is offended? I find that learning to recognize the physical and contextual correlates of an emotional reaction as they arise, before they start influencing my behavior, is often useful.