That is disrespectful. It’s asserting that the hero knows better than the heroine what’s good for her, and is entitled to act on her behalf. In my mind that’s a much, much more dangerous meme than outright acting maliciously.
The phrase ‘dangerous meme’ jumped out at me. I agree that it is disrespectful and I personally make an effort to prevent people that try from having any part of my life. I actually have to bite my tongue at times so that I don’t point out to young adults “You don’t have to take that. You can choose your own boundaries, with consideration of your options and likely outcomes.” (That put me in a particularly interesting situation when I was a teacher!)
But going from ‘undesirable behavior’ to ‘dangerous meme’, well, strikes me as dangerous. It seems like a move from discussing behavioral preferences to considering the very fact that the behavioural pattern appeals to some people or plays a role in their literature of choice is wrong.
I find the kinds of romance novels in question decidedly unappealing. Not just because they are aimed at women but because they are aimed at a different subset of women than those with whom I most empathise with. But I do know that there people who actually appreciate or are attracted to these same behaviours that I find obnoxious. Judging the very meme just because I personally don’t prefer the behaviour would seem presumptive.
I don’t think I intended the phrase as strongly as you interpreted it. However, “undesireable behavior” is too weak. As noted in another fork of this thread, I think that kind of paternalism is totally out of place between any two capable adults, but invididual cases are not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the notion that “members of group X know better than/are entitled to look after members of group Y.” The particular example given happens to be sexist, but it would be offensive for any two groups of normal grown-ups. Perpetuating that idea in popular culture, e.g. via popular fiction, has negative effects on members of both groups, even if they’re not directly exposed to the fiction itself.
I’m talking about the notion that “members of group X know better than/are entitled to look after members of group Y.”
That’s not a notion that was actually present in the context and nor is it one that you introduced yourself (until now). I say this not to be pedantic or to accuse you of any form of inconsistency but rather because there is an implicit assumption that I don’t share. The one that allows a leap from a fictional stories where a female protagonist interacts with an objectionably dominant hero to the general claim “members of group X know better than/are entitled to look after members of group Y”.
The particular example given happens to be sexist, but it would be offensive for any two groups of normal grown-ups.
The particular example given happens to be of heroes who are sexist (or just excessively dominant) and female heroines with arguably terrible taste. If someone is offended that the heroine is attracted to the domineering hero or offended that a woman likes to read such books or empathises with the character then that is the problem of the person taking offence. Not the problem of the author, not the problem of the fictional protagonist and not the problem of literary porn fan.
While my position on what it makes sense to declare offensive may well be irreconcilably opposed to your own it may be interesting to note that my objection here is actually similar to the objection that we both would share to the heroine being overridden. It is not OK to prevent (or shame or otherwise apply moral sanction against) people having, reading or writing stories that appeal to their own emotions. It is not OK to condemn literature because the character doesn’t fit an ideal.
I don’t think “members of group know better than/are entitled to look after members of group ”. Actually, you probably do ‘know better than’ but it is the ‘are entitled to look after’ that is in play when we consider declaring things offensive.
Yes, this particular example is of individuals in just a few works of fiction. But the pattern does happen to exist in many more. And it does happen to be a pretty common idea in our culture. I’m not deriving that from the few examples given; I’m deriving that from living in the culture. I’m not looking out for readers-of-that-fiction, I’m looking out for me, who has to live with them, and with the people who learn values from them.
I’m also withdrawing from this conversation, because the amount of mental effort it’s taking to participate is exceeding the payoff significantly.
I’m also withdrawing from this conversation, because the amount of mental effort it’s taking to participate is exceeding the payoff significantly.
In all sincerity the my goal in this conversation was not primarily to maximise the immediate enjoyment of the participants, for all that I do not like draining the mental energies of either others or myself. The role of morality has been discussed elsewhere recently and within that role declarations of things that things should be considered offensive or shamed serves as a powerful power play. It even more powerful when the assumption that something is sexist, prejudiced or otherwise normatively wrong is passed off implicitly without question. It takes very little for such beliefs or injunctions to become unquestionable and once in place can be a significant inhibitor of personal freedom.
The task of minimising personal offence while at the same time acting to make a social move too expensive for it to be worth their while to try frequently is one that is quite difficult.
The phrase ‘dangerous meme’ jumped out at me. I agree that it is disrespectful and I personally make an effort to prevent people that try from having any part of my life. I actually have to bite my tongue at times so that I don’t point out to young adults “You don’t have to take that. You can choose your own boundaries, with consideration of your options and likely outcomes.” (That put me in a particularly interesting situation when I was a teacher!)
But going from ‘undesirable behavior’ to ‘dangerous meme’, well, strikes me as dangerous. It seems like a move from discussing behavioral preferences to considering the very fact that the behavioural pattern appeals to some people or plays a role in their literature of choice is wrong.
I find the kinds of romance novels in question decidedly unappealing. Not just because they are aimed at women but because they are aimed at a different subset of women than those with whom I most empathise with. But I do know that there people who actually appreciate or are attracted to these same behaviours that I find obnoxious. Judging the very meme just because I personally don’t prefer the behaviour would seem presumptive.
I don’t think I intended the phrase as strongly as you interpreted it. However, “undesireable behavior” is too weak. As noted in another fork of this thread, I think that kind of paternalism is totally out of place between any two capable adults, but invididual cases are not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the notion that “members of group X know better than/are entitled to look after members of group Y.” The particular example given happens to be sexist, but it would be offensive for any two groups of normal grown-ups. Perpetuating that idea in popular culture, e.g. via popular fiction, has negative effects on members of both groups, even if they’re not directly exposed to the fiction itself.
That’s not a notion that was actually present in the context and nor is it one that you introduced yourself (until now). I say this not to be pedantic or to accuse you of any form of inconsistency but rather because there is an implicit assumption that I don’t share. The one that allows a leap from a fictional stories where a female protagonist interacts with an objectionably dominant hero to the general claim “members of group X know better than/are entitled to look after members of group Y”.
The particular example given happens to be of heroes who are sexist (or just excessively dominant) and female heroines with arguably terrible taste. If someone is offended that the heroine is attracted to the domineering hero or offended that a woman likes to read such books or empathises with the character then that is the problem of the person taking offence. Not the problem of the author, not the problem of the fictional protagonist and not the problem of literary porn fan.
While my position on what it makes sense to declare offensive may well be irreconcilably opposed to your own it may be interesting to note that my objection here is actually similar to the objection that we both would share to the heroine being overridden. It is not OK to prevent (or shame or otherwise apply moral sanction against) people having, reading or writing stories that appeal to their own emotions. It is not OK to condemn literature because the character doesn’t fit an ideal.
I don’t think “members of group know better than/are entitled to look after members of group ”. Actually, you probably do ‘know better than’ but it is the ‘are entitled to look after’ that is in play when we consider declaring things offensive.
Yes, this particular example is of individuals in just a few works of fiction. But the pattern does happen to exist in many more. And it does happen to be a pretty common idea in our culture. I’m not deriving that from the few examples given; I’m deriving that from living in the culture. I’m not looking out for readers-of-that-fiction, I’m looking out for me, who has to live with them, and with the people who learn values from them.
I’m also withdrawing from this conversation, because the amount of mental effort it’s taking to participate is exceeding the payoff significantly.
In all sincerity the my goal in this conversation was not primarily to maximise the immediate enjoyment of the participants, for all that I do not like draining the mental energies of either others or myself. The role of morality has been discussed elsewhere recently and within that role declarations of things that things should be considered offensive or shamed serves as a powerful power play. It even more powerful when the assumption that something is sexist, prejudiced or otherwise normatively wrong is passed off implicitly without question. It takes very little for such beliefs or injunctions to become unquestionable and once in place can be a significant inhibitor of personal freedom.
The task of minimising personal offence while at the same time acting to make a social move too expensive for it to be worth their while to try frequently is one that is quite difficult.