Yes, I’ve unfortunately fallen into that “trap” at least once.
However, the observations persist after modifying the behavior I attempt to output. Either I fail in a somewhat spectacular manner and there’s a hard denial-of-denial bomb preventing me from noticing that I’m always acting in such a manner (though I would expect this mechanism to be much more widespread and not restricted specifically to “feminism”, which is far from a particularly important point of focus for me among other possible points of focus).
My observations point to a strong causal link between such behavior and the response, but it seems like a sufficient cause, and by far not a required one. The example things I’ve mentioned (agreeing, disagreeing, nodding, staying silent, going away) are things I’ve actually tried in separate occasions, as my very first reaction to the topic, if my memory isn’t being blurred, and they had the results described. My memory suggests two or three of those might have happened with the same person simply at separate times, but I’m not certain.
Overall, I think the hypothetical reaction you describe might pass a turing test, but I’m throwing that at my own mental emulator, so it’s not much of a confirmation. Your mental model seems better detailed than mine, too.
Your mental model seems better detailed than mine, too.
I mostly start from my actual, real-life reactions around low-status groups I’ve been part of, and ask myself how I would react in analogous situations.
For example, I’m queer, and I’ve many times had the experience of being in a room full of (nominally) straight guys talking about queers. I’m Jewish, and I’ve a few times had the experience of listening to Gentiles talk about Jews. I’m Hispanic, and have had the experience of listening to a White community discuss Hispanics. Etc.
That’s not at all the same thing as being female in a room full of men talking about women, but there are some illustrative similarities.
One thing I think generalizes, for example, is that after a few traumatic experiences along those lines it’s emotionally difficult to keep giving people the benefit of the doubt, and emotionally easy to treat new people as homophobic or antiSemitic or racist or sexist or what-have-you until and unless they do something active to demonstrate that they aren’t.
Another thing I think generalizes is that one does get better at identifying non-verbal cues. For example, I’ve had the experience several times of thinking that someone was uncomfortable with my sexuality despite them seeming to do all the right things superficially, and later having them confirm that yes, at the time they had been uncomfortable. (Of course, I’ve also much more often had the experience of thinking that and not having it confirmed. I merely claim that correctly reading nonverbal cues is possible, not that my reading of nonverbal cues is reliable, let alone infallible.)
One thing I think generalizes, for example, is that after a few traumatic experiences along those lines it’s emotionally difficult to keep giving people the benefit of the doubt, and emotionally easy to treat new people as homophobic or antiSemitic or racist or sexist or what-have-you until and unless they do something active to demonstrate that they aren’t.
This pattern-matches very gracefully with my experiences and observations. As I mention in another response, it seems likely that I’ve encountered almost only a certain kind of feminists that has a very personal near-mode emotional reaction to men.
Besides being a “geek” with slight social disregard from social circles I had no interest in during high school, I fortunately never had those situations you describe. I happened to have all the right skills to avoid being marginalized for what few outlier qualities I had. Thus, despite pattern-matching with many of the qualities of the stereotypical bullied frail school nerd, I don’t particularly identify well with them and my mental model of them is much worse than people would expect.
My own mental model of feminists was derived mostly from my generalized mental model of “people”, with the “ideologist” module added, and whatever empathic cues and type-1 intuitions I’ve had during interactions with them. Recent events on LessWrong allowed me to update this model quite a bit with a lot more evidence, but it still feels very incomplete and vague.
(nods) Makes sense. Certainly, my own level of compassion for and understanding of people experiencing various levels of post-traumatic response increased enormously after I went through traumatic experiences of my own. I don’t think it’s necessary, nor is it sufficient, but it helps.
I suppose the question is, is it worth it to you to do the work to develop analogous properties in the absence of those “advantages,” or not?
If it isn’t and you don’t, that’s of course a choice you’re free to make, but it ought not surprise you that your subsequent interactions with certain classes of people won’t go as smoothly as they would if you did.
Yes, I’ve unfortunately fallen into that “trap” at least once.
However, the observations persist after modifying the behavior I attempt to output. Either I fail in a somewhat spectacular manner and there’s a hard denial-of-denial bomb preventing me from noticing that I’m always acting in such a manner (though I would expect this mechanism to be much more widespread and not restricted specifically to “feminism”, which is far from a particularly important point of focus for me among other possible points of focus).
My observations point to a strong causal link between such behavior and the response, but it seems like a sufficient cause, and by far not a required one. The example things I’ve mentioned (agreeing, disagreeing, nodding, staying silent, going away) are things I’ve actually tried in separate occasions, as my very first reaction to the topic, if my memory isn’t being blurred, and they had the results described. My memory suggests two or three of those might have happened with the same person simply at separate times, but I’m not certain.
Overall, I think the hypothetical reaction you describe might pass a turing test, but I’m throwing that at my own mental emulator, so it’s not much of a confirmation. Your mental model seems better detailed than mine, too.
I mostly start from my actual, real-life reactions around low-status groups I’ve been part of, and ask myself how I would react in analogous situations.
For example, I’m queer, and I’ve many times had the experience of being in a room full of (nominally) straight guys talking about queers. I’m Jewish, and I’ve a few times had the experience of listening to Gentiles talk about Jews. I’m Hispanic, and have had the experience of listening to a White community discuss Hispanics. Etc.
That’s not at all the same thing as being female in a room full of men talking about women, but there are some illustrative similarities.
One thing I think generalizes, for example, is that after a few traumatic experiences along those lines it’s emotionally difficult to keep giving people the benefit of the doubt, and emotionally easy to treat new people as homophobic or antiSemitic or racist or sexist or what-have-you until and unless they do something active to demonstrate that they aren’t.
Another thing I think generalizes is that one does get better at identifying non-verbal cues. For example, I’ve had the experience several times of thinking that someone was uncomfortable with my sexuality despite them seeming to do all the right things superficially, and later having them confirm that yes, at the time they had been uncomfortable. (Of course, I’ve also much more often had the experience of thinking that and not having it confirmed. I merely claim that correctly reading nonverbal cues is possible, not that my reading of nonverbal cues is reliable, let alone infallible.)
This pattern-matches very gracefully with my experiences and observations. As I mention in another response, it seems likely that I’ve encountered almost only a certain kind of feminists that has a very personal near-mode emotional reaction to men.
Besides being a “geek” with slight social disregard from social circles I had no interest in during high school, I fortunately never had those situations you describe. I happened to have all the right skills to avoid being marginalized for what few outlier qualities I had. Thus, despite pattern-matching with many of the qualities of the stereotypical bullied frail school nerd, I don’t particularly identify well with them and my mental model of them is much worse than people would expect.
My own mental model of feminists was derived mostly from my generalized mental model of “people”, with the “ideologist” module added, and whatever empathic cues and type-1 intuitions I’ve had during interactions with them. Recent events on LessWrong allowed me to update this model quite a bit with a lot more evidence, but it still feels very incomplete and vague.
(nods) Makes sense. Certainly, my own level of compassion for and understanding of people experiencing various levels of post-traumatic response increased enormously after I went through traumatic experiences of my own. I don’t think it’s necessary, nor is it sufficient, but it helps.
I suppose the question is, is it worth it to you to do the work to develop analogous properties in the absence of those “advantages,” or not?
If it isn’t and you don’t, that’s of course a choice you’re free to make, but it ought not surprise you that your subsequent interactions with certain classes of people won’t go as smoothly as they would if you did.