I’ve -noticed- that my brain has modes, I noticed it when I was a teenager, but have been completely unsuccessful in finding any kind of internal levers to shift modes. (That’s not entirely true—spending time around people who are in the mode I want to be in will put me in that mode. But that’s -extremely- difficult to do, and it works in the reverse, as well—spending time around people in the wrong mode can pull me out of the mode I want to be in.)
That’s not entirely true—spending time around people who are in the mode I want to be in will put me in that mode.
That effect is also why it makes people uncomfortable. If you are in your head and a person openly wants to interact with you it draws them into their head as well.
Different people have different sensitivity to that.
A straightforward way to get out of your head is sports. If your heart beat is at 160 while you run a marathon, your analytical mode is likely of.
There might be a few people on LW who are stable enough in their analytical mode to still have it working in that situation but most people will get kicked out.
That’s a blunt way. I think that tacking up martial arts is more yielding than picking up running as a hobby. Discussing the advantages of various forms of physical activity isn’t something I want to go into that this place, but if you lack physical activity, it’s key.
Another that’s relevant to this conversation is being connected to your emotional desire. If you have a desire to spend time with a woman, saying: “I really enjoy spending time with you. I would like to spend more time with you, are you free on Thursday?”
That’s nonviolent communication (NVC).
You don’t ask: “Do you have a crush on me? I need that information to decide how to interact with you.”
You feel into your desire and put it in words to allow the other person agency.
You don’t hide information from them but are open. If you do that with strong emotional desires it get’s you out of your head.
But don’t go out and memorize that line word by word. If you memorize it word by word and say it in the mirror till you say it flawlessly you aren’t in touch with your emotions in the moment. Reciting memorized lines won’t get you out of your head and the emotional impact on the other person is less and as a result the changes of the other person reacting positively are lower as well.
Whether you can open with every desire will be different in different social environments. At work it might not be appropriate to voice every desire but I think it’s very worthwhile to move in other circles where you can be open.
It’s nearly impossible for me to have a well intimate well flowing Bachata or Salsa dance when I’m in analytical mode. It’s not compatible.
I’ve -noticed- that my brain has modes, … but have been completely unsuccessful in finding any kind of internal levers to shift modes.
I can switch modes relatively easy now. But it took a long time of experience. But it came with the ability to enter the modes at all. My dominant ‘modes’ were neutral and flow and a fair bit of happyness. As a teen there was no need to switch between these or other modes. Of course I preferred it that way. I avoided situations that could make me angry and/or worked to prevent them. Real life had some challenges in the end—but with the conscious experience of these undesirable states came the ability to consciously switch (more or less).
An example: Recently I made a night life club tour for the first time. It was interesting and enjoyable and I switched a lot between enjoying the fun and observant flow. The flow was not exactly ‘analytical’ but close. .
How do you control what “mode” your brain is in?
I’ve -noticed- that my brain has modes, I noticed it when I was a teenager, but have been completely unsuccessful in finding any kind of internal levers to shift modes. (That’s not entirely true—spending time around people who are in the mode I want to be in will put me in that mode. But that’s -extremely- difficult to do, and it works in the reverse, as well—spending time around people in the wrong mode can pull me out of the mode I want to be in.)
That effect is also why it makes people uncomfortable. If you are in your head and a person openly wants to interact with you it draws them into their head as well. Different people have different sensitivity to that.
A straightforward way to get out of your head is sports. If your heart beat is at 160 while you run a marathon, your analytical mode is likely of. There might be a few people on LW who are stable enough in their analytical mode to still have it working in that situation but most people will get kicked out.
That’s a blunt way. I think that tacking up martial arts is more yielding than picking up running as a hobby. Discussing the advantages of various forms of physical activity isn’t something I want to go into that this place, but if you lack physical activity, it’s key.
Another that’s relevant to this conversation is being connected to your emotional desire. If you have a desire to spend time with a woman, saying: “I really enjoy spending time with you. I would like to spend more time with you, are you free on Thursday?” That’s nonviolent communication (NVC).
You don’t ask: “Do you have a crush on me? I need that information to decide how to interact with you.” You feel into your desire and put it in words to allow the other person agency. You don’t hide information from them but are open. If you do that with strong emotional desires it get’s you out of your head.
But don’t go out and memorize that line word by word. If you memorize it word by word and say it in the mirror till you say it flawlessly you aren’t in touch with your emotions in the moment. Reciting memorized lines won’t get you out of your head and the emotional impact on the other person is less and as a result the changes of the other person reacting positively are lower as well.
Whether you can open with every desire will be different in different social environments. At work it might not be appropriate to voice every desire but I think it’s very worthwhile to move in other circles where you can be open.
I can switch modes relatively easy now. But it took a long time of experience. But it came with the ability to enter the modes at all. My dominant ‘modes’ were neutral and flow and a fair bit of happyness. As a teen there was no need to switch between these or other modes. Of course I preferred it that way. I avoided situations that could make me angry and/or worked to prevent them. Real life had some challenges in the end—but with the conscious experience of these undesirable states came the ability to consciously switch (more or less).
An example: Recently I made a night life club tour for the first time. It was interesting and enjoyable and I switched a lot between enjoying the fun and observant flow. The flow was not exactly ‘analytical’ but close. .