I’m not sure if this counts but: the experience you describe as “a vivid sensation of my own presence” is something I only have rarely, in flashes, and it always freaks me out. It’s happened to me periodically for my whole life, and I’ve come to believe it falls under the label of dissociation.
Most of the time, I walk around basically on autopilot. I have feelings and wants, and I can introspect and remember things, but I’m not paying attention to the fact that it’s myself doing those things; I just do them. This is very qualitatively different from what it’s like to dissociate. When I dissociate, I am very aware that I am a brain in a body, that there’s something it’s like to be me and not anybody else, that everything around me was constructed by humans, etc. This sounds more like the “vivid sensation” you talked about, but I’m not sure. If so, I don’t entirely lack the qualia of consciousness, but I don’t have it most of the time, and it freaks me out when I do have it.
I have some very similar experiences*. During the “vivid sensation” moments (that are unpleasant) I acutely feel that “I am me”, compared to which, the rest of the time “I” is just one of the characters in the play. Incidentally, I think that I didn’t have a “vivid sensation” moment for years.
*Or, maybe I don’t have experiences since I’m not conscious? ;)
Yes, but not super vividly? Like, there’s definitely a spectrum—you have people with aphantasia, and then on the other end you have my sister, who can build a 3D model of a sculpture in her mind, make various changes to it, and then construct it out of clay. My mental imagery is much weaker than that, more like vague impressions with some visual component, or images that are definitely there but fade when I look them head on (like stars).
I’m not sure if this counts but: the experience you describe as “a vivid sensation of my own presence” is something I only have rarely, in flashes, and it always freaks me out. It’s happened to me periodically for my whole life, and I’ve come to believe it falls under the label of dissociation.
Most of the time, I walk around basically on autopilot. I have feelings and wants, and I can introspect and remember things, but I’m not paying attention to the fact that it’s myself doing those things; I just do them. This is very qualitatively different from what it’s like to dissociate. When I dissociate, I am very aware that I am a brain in a body, that there’s something it’s like to be me and not anybody else, that everything around me was constructed by humans, etc. This sounds more like the “vivid sensation” you talked about, but I’m not sure. If so, I don’t entirely lack the qualia of consciousness, but I don’t have it most of the time, and it freaks me out when I do have it.
I have some very similar experiences*. During the “vivid sensation” moments (that are unpleasant) I acutely feel that “I am me”, compared to which, the rest of the time “I” is just one of the characters in the play. Incidentally, I think that I didn’t have a “vivid sensation” moment for years.
*Or, maybe I don’t have experiences since I’m not conscious? ;)
Can you visualize stuff in your mind’s eye?
Yes, but not super vividly? Like, there’s definitely a spectrum—you have people with aphantasia, and then on the other end you have my sister, who can build a 3D model of a sculpture in her mind, make various changes to it, and then construct it out of clay. My mental imagery is much weaker than that, more like vague impressions with some visual component, or images that are definitely there but fade when I look them head on (like stars).