I’m sorry, but you cannot really learn anything from one example. I’m happy that your parents are faring well in their marriage, but if they didn’t would you have learned the same thing?
I’ve consulted afewstatistics on arranged marriage, and they all are:
underpowered
showing no significative difference between autonomous and arranged marriages
The latter part is somewhat surprising for a Westerner, but given what you say, the same should be said for an Indian coming from your background.
The only conclusion I can draw fairly conclusively is that, for a long term relationship, the way or the why it started doesn’t really matter.
I’d agree that the null hypothesis (most common mechanisms work equally well) probably applies in the marriage game. I don’t think Squidious was making a claim that arranged marriages are better (and I note that Squidious isn’t using their parents to arrange a mate), just a claim that it can work pretty well.
Also, a less-explicit claim that many western narratives about love and marriage are misleading, in that they focus too strongly on finding a perfect match, and not enough on creating and maintaining a bond with a good-enough match. I agree with this claim, but also agree with MrMind that individual examples are existence proofs that something is possible, but not evidence for how common or available it is.
I find it funny that without data, I could easily argue either way.
Arranged marriages cannot work, because other people including your family members don’t understand you and your priorities perfectly. They will likely look for a person they would want to live with, not a person you would want to live with; in the best case they will look for a person who fits their idea of you, which is still not the same as you.
Western marriages cannot work, because we have this meme of “true love” as something completely beyond our control, so when any problem comes, instead of “I should pay more attention to my relationship” people are more likely to go “this means it is not the true love; I quickly need to divorce / break up, and go seeking my real true love”. You may verbally oppose this meme, but it is in most of stories you read and movies you saw, so it likely drives your expectations anyway. Also, it takes two to tango, so even if you succeed to overcome the cultural programming, unless your partner does the same thing, your relationship will fail anyway.
But there are probably also people in India who take relationships passively, something like “if our parents arranged this, it must be okay; no need for me to do the extra work”.
Actually, feeling too much personal responsibility for your relationship may also be bad. It may mean that you enter a relationship or stay in a relationship with a wrong person despite obvious red flags, because you feel like it is your job to make it work anyway.
I’m sorry, but you cannot really learn anything from one example. I’m happy that your parents are faring well in their marriage, but if they didn’t would you have learned the same thing?
I’ve consulted a few statistics on arranged marriage, and they all are:
underpowered
showing no significative difference between autonomous and arranged marriages
The latter part is somewhat surprising for a Westerner, but given what you say, the same should be said for an Indian coming from your background.
The only conclusion I can draw fairly conclusively is that, for a long term relationship, the way or the why it started doesn’t really matter.
I’d agree that the null hypothesis (most common mechanisms work equally well) probably applies in the marriage game. I don’t think Squidious was making a claim that arranged marriages are better (and I note that Squidious isn’t using their parents to arrange a mate), just a claim that it can work pretty well.
Also, a less-explicit claim that many western narratives about love and marriage are misleading, in that they focus too strongly on finding a perfect match, and not enough on creating and maintaining a bond with a good-enough match. I agree with this claim, but also agree with MrMind that individual examples are existence proofs that something is possible, but not evidence for how common or available it is.
I find it funny that without data, I could easily argue either way.
Arranged marriages cannot work, because other people including your family members don’t understand you and your priorities perfectly. They will likely look for a person they would want to live with, not a person you would want to live with; in the best case they will look for a person who fits their idea of you, which is still not the same as you.
Western marriages cannot work, because we have this meme of “true love” as something completely beyond our control, so when any problem comes, instead of “I should pay more attention to my relationship” people are more likely to go “this means it is not the true love; I quickly need to divorce / break up, and go seeking my real true love”. You may verbally oppose this meme, but it is in most of stories you read and movies you saw, so it likely drives your expectations anyway. Also, it takes two to tango, so even if you succeed to overcome the cultural programming, unless your partner does the same thing, your relationship will fail anyway.
But there are probably also people in India who take relationships passively, something like “if our parents arranged this, it must be okay; no need for me to do the extra work”.
Actually, feeling too much personal responsibility for your relationship may also be bad. It may mean that you enter a relationship or stay in a relationship with a wrong person despite obvious red flags, because you feel like it is your job to make it work anyway.