Typical mind spot-check: If I saw the comment from D to C of “ugg, X in my feed” I would consider this (effectively) a request to not post Xs at all (especially when it comes from a housemate!), or at least a note that it causes substantial disutility to be considered. That’s a pretty strong negative signal. When C says they’ll stop Xing, and D responds “I didn’t mean for that to happen, you’re overreacting!” it feels disingenuous at best. D made the mistake slash did the thing slash owns the thing, not C, so if D didn’t mean that, D should say “I’m sorry, I came on way too strong, you don’t need to do that.” Yet Duncan seems to treat this as, if anything, C over/strongly reacting.
I mention with some carefulness (since it brings _another_ dimension of political pendulum swinging for people to have strong opinions about), that, in particular, “ugh, X, dead animals in my feed” pattern matches pretty explicitly to a particular vegan social move that’s clearly designed to convince people to stop posting about dead animals.
Agreed; if I were just annoyed about this but didn’t want the person to stop, I would certainly not post something like that. I think D is not expressing themself clearly in that example.
(Note that to my mind, the appropriate reaction for D in such a case is to hide the post.)
I thought just the same as you. It’s extremely confusing to me that D would say “ugh” and then be unhappy when C changes their behavior. I didn’t know this was a way people felt.
That said, I don’t interpret “ugh” as a very strong comment. I wouldn’t bother thinking to change my behavior because one person said “ugh.”
Feel similarly; since Facebook comments are a matter of public record, disputes and complaints on them are fully public and can have high social costs if unaddressed. I would not be worried about it in a small group chat among close friends.
And to be clear I have absolutely had interactions where I was basically in D’s situation where I express a mild annoyance that I don’t mean to be taken very seriously, and then someone takes it way more seriously than I wanted them to, and I do find this extremely frustrating. But in this situation I don’t see how C could possibly have interpreted it differently!
Typical mind spot-check: If I saw the comment from D to C of “ugg, X in my feed” I would consider this (effectively) a request to not post Xs at all (especially when it comes from a housemate!), or at least a note that it causes substantial disutility to be considered. That’s a pretty strong negative signal. When C says they’ll stop Xing, and D responds “I didn’t mean for that to happen, you’re overreacting!” it feels disingenuous at best. D made the mistake slash did the thing slash owns the thing, not C, so if D didn’t mean that, D should say “I’m sorry, I came on way too strong, you don’t need to do that.” Yet Duncan seems to treat this as, if anything, C over/strongly reacting.
What do others think of this?
I mention with some carefulness (since it brings _another_ dimension of political pendulum swinging for people to have strong opinions about), that, in particular, “ugh, X, dead animals in my feed” pattern matches pretty explicitly to a particular vegan social move that’s clearly designed to convince people to stop posting about dead animals.
Agreed; if I were just annoyed about this but didn’t want the person to stop, I would certainly not post something like that. I think D is not expressing themself clearly in that example.
(Note that to my mind, the appropriate reaction for D in such a case is to hide the post.)
I thought just the same as you. It’s extremely confusing to me that D would say “ugh” and then be unhappy when C changes their behavior. I didn’t know this was a way people felt.
That said, I don’t interpret “ugh” as a very strong comment. I wouldn’t bother thinking to change my behavior because one person said “ugh.”
Feel similarly; since Facebook comments are a matter of public record, disputes and complaints on them are fully public and can have high social costs if unaddressed. I would not be worried about it in a small group chat among close friends.
Yeah, agree.
And to be clear I have absolutely had interactions where I was basically in D’s situation where I express a mild annoyance that I don’t mean to be taken very seriously, and then someone takes it way more seriously than I wanted them to, and I do find this extremely frustrating. But in this situation I don’t see how C could possibly have interpreted it differently!