I’m one of those people who’s never in my life been agentic. I still live in my parents’ house (I’m 25) and spend most of my time in my bedroom, because they burnt out all my capacity for agency when I was a child—it didn’t even take until teenage years. I can’t even go outside without telling someone!
Homeschooled till 16, never went to college because it seemed like a waste of money and anyway I was afraid of leaving the house, never had a job because I can’t stand the idea of yet another person telling me what to do and I don’t need anything that money could buy anyway, as long as I live here...
Endless free time, but no freedom, and no idea what I would do if I had freedom. It’s somehow hellish, comfortingly familiar, and completely emotionally neutral at the same time. Honestly, I feel totally trapped.
Sorry to complain lol. Point is, you’re right, this is a thing.
I’m really sorry to hear that, man. It’s honestly a horrible thing that this is what happens to so many people; it’s another sign of a generally inadequate civilization.
For what it’s worth, the first chapter of Smarter Faster Better is explicitly on motivation, and how to build it from nothing. It mentions multiple patients with brain injuries who were able to take back control over their own lives because someone else wanted to help them become agentic. I think reading that might help.
On another note, thank you for being open about this. I appreciate all comments on my posts, especially the ones actively related to the subject; your comment wasn’t complaining, and it was appreciated. Best of luck to you in the future.
Interesting, I’m homeschooled (unschooled specifically) and that probably benefited my agency (though I could still be much more agentic). I guess parenting styles matter a lot more then surface level “going to school”
You’re super brave for sharing this, it’s hard to stand up and say “Yes I’m the stereotypical example of the problem mentioned here”, stay optimistic though; people starting lower have risen higher.
My homeschooling was basically, my parents gave me textbooks and ignored me while I pretended to work through them and actually spent most of my time daydreaming because I hated the whole experience. Honestly the only reason I’m as smart as I am is that I’m naturally curious and they didn’t actively discourage that—they just didn’t encourage it particularly well either. I honestly have schooled myself more than anything—though nowhere near as well as I would like, as I lack motivation on my own and am at the mercy of my constantly changing interests.
My parents’ parenting style is essentially “children are extensions of their parents who must obey and never develop their own personality or opinions.” The fact that I’ve managed to do both of the latter things is again a testament to how hard it is to prevent, but I’m still regularly finding ways in which I have just passively assumed my parents were right about certain things without any evidence, and they in fact were wrong.
As for bravery: thank you, but I don’t have much filter, and I’m a bit self-centered. Talking about myself is usually easier than not doing so. :P
I’m one of those people who’s never in my life been agentic. I still live in my parents’ house (I’m 25) and spend most of my time in my bedroom, because they burnt out all my capacity for agency when I was a child—it didn’t even take until teenage years. I can’t even go outside without telling someone!
Homeschooled till 16, never went to college because it seemed like a waste of money and anyway I was afraid of leaving the house, never had a job because I can’t stand the idea of yet another person telling me what to do and I don’t need anything that money could buy anyway, as long as I live here...
Endless free time, but no freedom, and no idea what I would do if I had freedom. It’s somehow hellish, comfortingly familiar, and completely emotionally neutral at the same time. Honestly, I feel totally trapped.
Sorry to complain lol. Point is, you’re right, this is a thing.
I’m really sorry to hear that, man. It’s honestly a horrible thing that this is what happens to so many people; it’s another sign of a generally inadequate civilization.
For what it’s worth, the first chapter of Smarter Faster Better is explicitly on motivation, and how to build it from nothing. It mentions multiple patients with brain injuries who were able to take back control over their own lives because someone else wanted to help them become agentic. I think reading that might help.
On another note, thank you for being open about this. I appreciate all comments on my posts, especially the ones actively related to the subject; your comment wasn’t complaining, and it was appreciated. Best of luck to you in the future.
Interesting, I’m homeschooled (unschooled specifically) and that probably benefited my agency (though I could still be much more agentic). I guess parenting styles matter a lot more then surface level “going to school”
You’re super brave for sharing this, it’s hard to stand up and say “Yes I’m the stereotypical example of the problem mentioned here”, stay optimistic though; people starting lower have risen higher.
My homeschooling was basically, my parents gave me textbooks and ignored me while I pretended to work through them and actually spent most of my time daydreaming because I hated the whole experience. Honestly the only reason I’m as smart as I am is that I’m naturally curious and they didn’t actively discourage that—they just didn’t encourage it particularly well either. I honestly have schooled myself more than anything—though nowhere near as well as I would like, as I lack motivation on my own and am at the mercy of my constantly changing interests.
My parents’ parenting style is essentially “children are extensions of their parents who must obey and never develop their own personality or opinions.” The fact that I’ve managed to do both of the latter things is again a testament to how hard it is to prevent, but I’m still regularly finding ways in which I have just passively assumed my parents were right about certain things without any evidence, and they in fact were wrong.
As for bravery: thank you, but I don’t have much filter, and I’m a bit self-centered. Talking about myself is usually easier than not doing so. :P