Two questions: does my concept of “metaphor blindness” seem reasonable?
Possibly. But since we’re on the topic of empathy, I’d like to emphasize that definitely among the most treasured practices I’ve found is finding a way to understand why what the other person is doing is sensible to them. Even if I can’t see the reason, it’s there. So, it’s really critical to remove every hint of a judgmental tone even from one’s own mind when trying to understand another person. (You can turn it back on later, but while in the process of empathizing it seems to be critical not to evaluate.)
Assuming you’re accurate and this person really can’t “see” metaphors, I think the next question to ask is, “What is it like to experience the world with this metaphor blindness?” Or more generally, “Why does this person’s actions make sense?”
In this respect I take a page from Buddhism. I find that my ability to empathize with others is tremendously greater if I can (a) understand in what sense their negative behavior arises from some kind of suffering and (b) cultivate a wish that they weren’t suffering (which is what many Buddhists mean by “compassion”). I simply don’t do this to “end the karmic cycle of death and rebirth”; instead, I do it because I’ve found that it enriches my life and helps me understand others tremendously better.
For what it’s worth!
And...how can I be more empathetic in this case?
Again, in your position, I would ask myself “In what sense does this person’s behavior make sense?” As I wrestle with this question, I know I’ve hit on a viable hypothesis when everything suddenly becomes clear and I no longer feel any sense of judgment or frustration with the person.
In this case, I wonder if you might be conflating two different issues. Empathy is a matter of understanding another person’s experience from their point of view, but it sounds to me like your concern is with the fact that this person doesn’t seem to abide by basic laws of reason. In particular, you say:
In abstract terms, my toolkit for achieving consensus or exploring issues rationally has been rendered useless.
It might be that exploring issues rationally isn’t a driving desire for this person like it is for you. If it is—that is, if this person identifies with being reasonable and objective despite not being so from your perspective—then this person’s behavior is a loud signal of their suffering. For instance, the harsh sense of rejection of others as stupid, incompetent, useless, etc. really strikes me as a distancing behavior. The fact that they reject arguments against their arguments as “irrelevant” also seems like a way of choosing to cling to the value of their arguments, as though their sense of self-worth is somehow tied up in their ability to believe those arguments—which, again, seems to suggest a fear of letting others get too close. So the question I would gravitate toward is, “Why does this person need emotional distance from others?”
(Based on way too little information, by the way, I have to wonder if the person you’re describing is an Enneagram type Five at Health Level 6. If so, they’ll also tend to have a nihilistic attitude toward the world, as though nothing really matters. Not depression per se, but a sense of pointlessness to life and a kind of irritation that others are so stupid as to be blind to said pointlessness. They’ll also be driven to impress upon others how intelligent and unusual they are, and will often gleefully share uncomfortable truths that disturb others’ sense of the world being okay. If that doesn’t describe the person to a ‘T’, though, then disregard this suggestion!)
You might find that you have to distinguish between having rational conversations with this person on the one hand and coming to a rational consensus on the other. Someone who uses the cloak of logic to hide from others isn’t likely to be open to logic as a way of opening up to others, so you’re fighting the emotional brain on that one. But if you can “get” why they feel like their distancing behavior makes sense, you might be able to use your understanding to help them relax a little bit and choose courses of action for whatever you’re talking about that make sense. They might need to justify it in weird ways you disagree with, but I think the actions people take are generally more important than the reasons they tell themselves for why those actions make sense.
Possibly. But since we’re on the topic of empathy, I’d like to emphasize that definitely among the most treasured practices I’ve found is finding a way to understand why what the other person is doing is sensible to them. Even if I can’t see the reason, it’s there. So, it’s really critical to remove every hint of a judgmental tone even from one’s own mind when trying to understand another person. (You can turn it back on later, but while in the process of empathizing it seems to be critical not to evaluate.)
Assuming you’re accurate and this person really can’t “see” metaphors, I think the next question to ask is, “What is it like to experience the world with this metaphor blindness?” Or more generally, “Why does this person’s actions make sense?”
In this respect I take a page from Buddhism. I find that my ability to empathize with others is tremendously greater if I can (a) understand in what sense their negative behavior arises from some kind of suffering and (b) cultivate a wish that they weren’t suffering (which is what many Buddhists mean by “compassion”). I simply don’t do this to “end the karmic cycle of death and rebirth”; instead, I do it because I’ve found that it enriches my life and helps me understand others tremendously better.
For what it’s worth!
Again, in your position, I would ask myself “In what sense does this person’s behavior make sense?” As I wrestle with this question, I know I’ve hit on a viable hypothesis when everything suddenly becomes clear and I no longer feel any sense of judgment or frustration with the person.
In this case, I wonder if you might be conflating two different issues. Empathy is a matter of understanding another person’s experience from their point of view, but it sounds to me like your concern is with the fact that this person doesn’t seem to abide by basic laws of reason. In particular, you say:
It might be that exploring issues rationally isn’t a driving desire for this person like it is for you. If it is—that is, if this person identifies with being reasonable and objective despite not being so from your perspective—then this person’s behavior is a loud signal of their suffering. For instance, the harsh sense of rejection of others as stupid, incompetent, useless, etc. really strikes me as a distancing behavior. The fact that they reject arguments against their arguments as “irrelevant” also seems like a way of choosing to cling to the value of their arguments, as though their sense of self-worth is somehow tied up in their ability to believe those arguments—which, again, seems to suggest a fear of letting others get too close. So the question I would gravitate toward is, “Why does this person need emotional distance from others?”
(Based on way too little information, by the way, I have to wonder if the person you’re describing is an Enneagram type Five at Health Level 6. If so, they’ll also tend to have a nihilistic attitude toward the world, as though nothing really matters. Not depression per se, but a sense of pointlessness to life and a kind of irritation that others are so stupid as to be blind to said pointlessness. They’ll also be driven to impress upon others how intelligent and unusual they are, and will often gleefully share uncomfortable truths that disturb others’ sense of the world being okay. If that doesn’t describe the person to a ‘T’, though, then disregard this suggestion!)
You might find that you have to distinguish between having rational conversations with this person on the one hand and coming to a rational consensus on the other. Someone who uses the cloak of logic to hide from others isn’t likely to be open to logic as a way of opening up to others, so you’re fighting the emotional brain on that one. But if you can “get” why they feel like their distancing behavior makes sense, you might be able to use your understanding to help them relax a little bit and choose courses of action for whatever you’re talking about that make sense. They might need to justify it in weird ways you disagree with, but I think the actions people take are generally more important than the reasons they tell themselves for why those actions make sense.
Does that help?