The problem is the repeatability. Social skills, by their very nature, require interaction with people. And people are unpredictable; at least, until you have good enough social skills :p.
The closest I can come to an exercise regime suggestion* is to go into bars, coffee shops, or other gathering places; and look around for a person (or people) who seems bored, lonely, or otherwise in need of company.
Go up to said person(s) and greet them in a manner you deem appropriate. If it works; you just correctly judged someone’s state, you approached them in an acceptable manner, and you now get to converse with them (giving you practise on other social skills). If not; consider why not? Did you misread their state? Did you approach them in an unacceptable manner? What should you try differently next time?
*(and something I actually did, that seemed to help me personally: in fact I met my girlfriend due to this practise)
How did you manage to do this without garnering a reputation as that weird person who always starts conversations with random strangers, who you shouldn’t bother responding to because the only reason he’s talking to you is because you happened to be there when he was?
There are 2.6 million people in this city. I didn’t need to actively avoid becoming known, it would have been extremely difficult to become known.
Also: had I gained a reputation for talking to random strangers, why would that have been a bad thing? The person I approach knows I approach random strangers; they are one.
Being known as a person who tries to chat up random people may be a problem*. Being known as a person who tries to chat to random people isn’t. In fact, if anything, I’ve earned status for it.@
*You’re seen as having low standards, and therefore the fact you’re interested in someone no longer puts them in an exclusive group. Oh, and you may end up viewed as a slut.
@I have friends with low social skills, who find it too scary to approach people they don’t know. The fact I do so gives me a certain amount of esteem in their eyes.
You’re seen as having low standards, and therefore the fact you’re interested in someone no longer puts them in an exclusive group.
Why would this apply to romantic forays but not other types of social overture? It seems like it(becoming known as a person who tries to chat up random people) would happen no matter what you actually talked about.
Why would this apply to romantic forays but not other types of social overture?
The fact that chatting to random people merely means you’re willing to let anyone be one of your acquaintances
In general, being someone’s acquaintance cannot be considered an exclusive group to begin with, so there was no exclusivity to be lost.
It seems like it(becoming known as a person who tries to chat up random people) would happen no matter what you actually talked about.
If you only rarely* make a sexual or romantic pass it is unlikely that people would view you in such a way. Especially if you approach people who are not of your preferred gender, etc..
*[when you find someone who is actually particularly attractive to you, after you’ve gotten to know them a bit]
The problem is the repeatability. Social skills, by their very nature, require interaction with people. And people are unpredictable; at least, until you have good enough social skills :p.
The closest I can come to an exercise regime suggestion* is to go into bars, coffee shops, or other gathering places; and look around for a person (or people) who seems bored, lonely, or otherwise in need of company.
Go up to said person(s) and greet them in a manner you deem appropriate. If it works; you just correctly judged someone’s state, you approached them in an acceptable manner, and you now get to converse with them (giving you practise on other social skills). If not; consider why not? Did you misread their state? Did you approach them in an unacceptable manner? What should you try differently next time?
*(and something I actually did, that seemed to help me personally: in fact I met my girlfriend due to this practise)
How did you manage to do this without garnering a reputation as that weird person who always starts conversations with random strangers, who you shouldn’t bother responding to because the only reason he’s talking to you is because you happened to be there when he was?
I live in Manchester, England.
There are 2.6 million people in this city. I didn’t need to actively avoid becoming known, it would have been extremely difficult to become known.
Also: had I gained a reputation for talking to random strangers, why would that have been a bad thing? The person I approach knows I approach random strangers; they are one.
Being known as a person who tries to chat up random people may be a problem*. Being known as a person who tries to chat to random people isn’t. In fact, if anything, I’ve earned status for it.@
*You’re seen as having low standards, and therefore the fact you’re interested in someone no longer puts them in an exclusive group. Oh, and you may end up viewed as a slut.
@I have friends with low social skills, who find it too scary to approach people they don’t know. The fact I do so gives me a certain amount of esteem in their eyes.
Why would this apply to romantic forays but not other types of social overture? It seems like it(becoming known as a person who tries to chat up random people) would happen no matter what you actually talked about.
The fact that chatting to random people merely means you’re willing to let anyone be one of your acquaintances
In general, being someone’s acquaintance cannot be considered an exclusive group to begin with, so there was no exclusivity to be lost.
If you only rarely* make a sexual or romantic pass it is unlikely that people would view you in such a way. Especially if you approach people who are not of your preferred gender, etc..
*[when you find someone who is actually particularly attractive to you, after you’ve gotten to know them a bit]