I can take a shot at it, having experienced something similar.
The general situation usually follows the pattern of “There is a group with easily-noticeable standards A, B, and C and less-easily-noticeable standards X, Y, and Z. I conform to A, B, and C (though probably for different reasons than they do), but not to (some subset of) X , Y, and Z, but since X and Y and Z don’t come up very often, 1) they haven’t figured out that I don’t fit them, and 2) I didn’t realize that those standards were significant until after I’d been accepted as a member of the group (which is where the ‘sense of belonging’ comes in). At no point did I actually mislead the group with regards to X, Y, or Z, but it’s very likely that if they find out that I don’t conform to them, they will assume that I did and there will be large amounts of drama.”
This usually leads to an inclination to hide facts relating to X, Y, and Z, which feels from the inside like being alienated and uncomfortable.
ETA: This isn’t necessarily something that a person would have to be consciously aware of in order for it to happen, and it can also be based on a person’s assumptions about X/Y/Z-like standards if a given group doesn’t make them explicit.
I can take a shot at it, having experienced something similar.
The general situation usually follows the pattern of “There is a group with easily-noticeable standards A, B, and C and less-easily-noticeable standards X, Y, and Z. I conform to A, B, and C (though probably for different reasons than they do), but not to (some subset of) X , Y, and Z, but since X and Y and Z don’t come up very often, 1) they haven’t figured out that I don’t fit them, and 2) I didn’t realize that those standards were significant until after I’d been accepted as a member of the group (which is where the ‘sense of belonging’ comes in). At no point did I actually mislead the group with regards to X, Y, or Z, but it’s very likely that if they find out that I don’t conform to them, they will assume that I did and there will be large amounts of drama.”
This usually leads to an inclination to hide facts relating to X, Y, and Z, which feels from the inside like being alienated and uncomfortable.
ETA: This isn’t necessarily something that a person would have to be consciously aware of in order for it to happen, and it can also be based on a person’s assumptions about X/Y/Z-like standards if a given group doesn’t make them explicit.