You could take a cognitive psych approach to some of this. What are the other person’s qualifications?
I recommend exploring the concept of good enough.
There’s a bit in Nathaniel Branden about “a primitive sense of self-affirmation”—which I take to be the assurance that babies start out with that they get to care about their pain and pleasure. It isn’t even a question for them. And animals are pretty much the same.
You don’t need to have a right to be on your own side, you can just be on your own side.
Something I’ve been working on is getting past the idea that the universe is keeping score, and I have to get everything right.
What I believe about your situation is that you’ve been siding with your internal attack voice, and you need to associate your sense of self with other aspects of yourself like overall physical sensations.
Do you have people who are on your side? If so, can you explore taking their opinion seriously?
The attack voice comes on so strong it seems like the voice of reality, but it’s just a voice. I’ve found that it’s hard work to change my relationship to my attack voice, but it’s possible.
For what it’s worth, I think your prose is good. It’s clear, and the style (as distinct from the subject matter) is pleasant.
Generally, their qualifications are that the audience is rallying around them. Also, they don’t know me, which makes them less likely to be biased in my favor. (I.e., the old “my mom says I’m great at , so shut up!” problem)
...the assurance that babies start out with that they get to care about their pain and pleasure.
This flies in the face of the political climate I exist within, that talks primarily about the gallish “entitlement” of poor people who believe they have the right to food and shelter and work.
Do you have people who are on your side? If so, can you explore taking their opinion seriously?
It’s very, very difficult, primarily because people who are INTENSELY on my side are never as vocal as people who are casually against me.
I.e., people who clearly love me and are willing to share portions of their life with me are willing to go so far as to say “I think you do pretty well.” People whom I’ve never met are willing to go so far as to say “fucking kill yourself you fucking loser. Stop acting like you even know how to person, let alone . Fuck it, I’m looking up your address; I’ll kill you.”
That churns up all sorts of emotional and social reactions, which makes processing the whole thing rationally even harder.
Generally, their qualifications are that the audience is rallying around them. Also, they don’t know me, which makes them less likely to be biased in my favor. (I.e., the old “my mom says I’m great at , so shut up!” problem)
On the other hand, they might be more likely to be biased against you, and they certainly don’t know a lot about your situation.
...the assurance that babies start out with that they get to care about their pain and pleasure.
This flies in the face of the political climate I exist within, that talks primarily about the gallish “entitlement” of poor people who believe they have the right to food and shelter and work.
Can you find a different political environment?
I’ve noticed that conservatives tend to think that everything bad that happens to a person is the fault of that person, and progressives tend to think that people generally don’t have any responsibility for their misfortunes. Both are overdoing it, but you might need to spend some time with progressives for the sake of balance.
Also, I’ve found it helps to realize that malice is an easy way of getting attention, so there are incentives for people to show malice just to get attention—and some of them are getting paid for it. The thing is, it’s an emotional habit, not the voice of reality.
Unfortunately, people are really vulnerable to insults. I don’t have an evo psy explanation, though I could probably whomp one up.
Do you have people who are on your side? If so, can you explore taking their opinion seriously?
It’s very, very difficult, primarily because people who are INTENSELY on my side are never as vocal as people who are casually against me.
It is very difficult, but I think you’ve made some progress. All I can see is what you write, but it seems like you’re getting some distance from your self-attacks in something like the past year or so.
I find it helps to think about times when I’ve been on my own side and haven’t been struck by lightning.
It’s very, very difficult, primarily because people who are INTENSELY on my side are never as vocal as people who are casually against me.
I.e., people who clearly love me and are willing to share portions of their life with me are willing to go so far as to say “I think you do pretty well.” People whom I’ve never met are willing to go so far as to say “fucking kill yourself you fucking loser. Stop acting like you even know how to person, let alone . Fuck it, I’m looking up your address; I’ll kill you.”
I might be an outlier, but a spiel like “fucking kill yourself you fucking loser. Stop acting like you even know how to person, let alone . Fuck it, I’m looking up your address; I’ll kill you” doesn’t signal casualness to me. The only people I’d expect to say that casually are trolls trying to get a rise out of people. Idle trolling aside, someone laying down a fusillade of abuse like that is someone who cares quite a bit (and doubtless more than they’d like to admit) about my behaviour. Hardly an unbiased commentator! (I recognize that’s easier said than internalized.)
You could take a cognitive psych approach to some of this. What are the other person’s qualifications?
I recommend exploring the concept of good enough.
There’s a bit in Nathaniel Branden about “a primitive sense of self-affirmation”—which I take to be the assurance that babies start out with that they get to care about their pain and pleasure. It isn’t even a question for them. And animals are pretty much the same.
You don’t need to have a right to be on your own side, you can just be on your own side.
Something I’ve been working on is getting past the idea that the universe is keeping score, and I have to get everything right.
What I believe about your situation is that you’ve been siding with your internal attack voice, and you need to associate your sense of self with other aspects of yourself like overall physical sensations.
Do you have people who are on your side? If so, can you explore taking their opinion seriously?
The attack voice comes on so strong it seems like the voice of reality, but it’s just a voice. I’ve found that it’s hard work to change my relationship to my attack voice, but it’s possible.
For what it’s worth, I think your prose is good. It’s clear, and the style (as distinct from the subject matter) is pleasant.
Generally, their qualifications are that the audience is rallying around them. Also, they don’t know me, which makes them less likely to be biased in my favor. (I.e., the old “my mom says I’m great at , so shut up!” problem)
This flies in the face of the political climate I exist within, that talks primarily about the gallish “entitlement” of poor people who believe they have the right to food and shelter and work.
It’s very, very difficult, primarily because people who are INTENSELY on my side are never as vocal as people who are casually against me.
I.e., people who clearly love me and are willing to share portions of their life with me are willing to go so far as to say “I think you do pretty well.” People whom I’ve never met are willing to go so far as to say “fucking kill yourself you fucking loser. Stop acting like you even know how to person, let alone . Fuck it, I’m looking up your address; I’ll kill you.”
That churns up all sorts of emotional and social reactions, which makes processing the whole thing rationally even harder.
On the other hand, they might be more likely to be biased against you, and they certainly don’t know a lot about your situation.
Can you find a different political environment?
I’ve noticed that conservatives tend to think that everything bad that happens to a person is the fault of that person, and progressives tend to think that people generally don’t have any responsibility for their misfortunes. Both are overdoing it, but you might need to spend some time with progressives for the sake of balance.
Also, I’ve found it helps to realize that malice is an easy way of getting attention, so there are incentives for people to show malice just to get attention—and some of them are getting paid for it. The thing is, it’s an emotional habit, not the voice of reality.
Unfortunately, people are really vulnerable to insults. I don’t have an evo psy explanation, though I could probably whomp one up.
It is very difficult, but I think you’ve made some progress. All I can see is what you write, but it seems like you’re getting some distance from your self-attacks in something like the past year or so.
I find it helps to think about times when I’ve been on my own side and haven’t been struck by lightning.
I might be an outlier, but a spiel like “fucking kill yourself you fucking loser. Stop acting like you even know how to person, let alone . Fuck it, I’m looking up your address; I’ll kill you” doesn’t signal casualness to me. The only people I’d expect to say that casually are trolls trying to get a rise out of people. Idle trolling aside, someone laying down a fusillade of abuse like that is someone who cares quite a bit (and doubtless more than they’d like to admit) about my behaviour. Hardly an unbiased commentator! (I recognize that’s easier said than internalized.)