(notme ~= my system 1? I know there’s not actually another me, this is just how it ~feels~)
If you haven’t I’d read it I’d totally recommend Kaj’s Multi-Agent Models sequence. I used to have a mind model of “There is me, the smart goal oriented s2, and then s1, the fast and primitive lizard brain. Of course I shouldn’t have disdain for s1, but really the game is about getting my s1 to do what I (s2) want”
Now my model is different. I think of s2/consciousness as a type of information processing my brain can do, and I think I is my self-concept (which is stored and maintained in very distributed ways), and S1 is just “all other types of information processing” and in my mind there’s room for lots of sub-agent like entities.
I haven’t read it yet but I’ve saved all the links for this weekend.
I’m still not sure how “real” the dichotomy is for me. I think I understand and agree with what you’re saying about s1 and s2 just being different types of processing. But sometimes while control is transferring between me and notme it really feels like there are two people in my head. It’s not like how I can make two imaginary people to represent two subagents I know I have, it’s like a person who is already there and doesn’t need to be created. It’s my understanding that that’s not a super rare symptom, but that it’s also not normal. I’m not sure “meVSnotme” and “s2VSs1” are the same thing, but I map pretty well onto s2 and notme maps pretty well onto s1. I’m not sure how much this paragraph makes sense but I’m still figuring things out.
Thanks for the post btw, the post/comments from you/kaj have helped and given me a lot to think about. This is all kinda a new realization after a year where I handled this all really poorly so I’m happy to get opportunities to explore it like this.
FYI I have had a very similar experience to what you’re describing. You’re not alone. I too found that being kind to notme instead of shouting at them is helpful. And, I’ve found one of the things that helps most is feeling really seen/heard by others, so hopefully this helps!
If you haven’t I’d read it I’d totally recommend Kaj’s Multi-Agent Models sequence. I used to have a mind model of “There is me, the smart goal oriented s2, and then s1, the fast and primitive lizard brain. Of course I shouldn’t have disdain for s1, but really the game is about getting my s1 to do what I (s2) want”
Now my model is different. I think of s2/consciousness as a type of information processing my brain can do, and I think I is my self-concept (which is stored and maintained in very distributed ways), and S1 is just “all other types of information processing” and in my mind there’s room for lots of sub-agent like entities.
I haven’t read it yet but I’ve saved all the links for this weekend.
I’m still not sure how “real” the dichotomy is for me. I think I understand and agree with what you’re saying about s1 and s2 just being different types of processing. But sometimes while control is transferring between me and notme it really feels like there are two people in my head. It’s not like how I can make two imaginary people to represent two subagents I know I have, it’s like a person who is already there and doesn’t need to be created. It’s my understanding that that’s not a super rare symptom, but that it’s also not normal. I’m not sure “meVSnotme” and “s2VSs1” are the same thing, but I map pretty well onto s2 and notme maps pretty well onto s1. I’m not sure how much this paragraph makes sense but I’m still figuring things out.
Thanks for the post btw, the post/comments from you/kaj have helped and given me a lot to think about. This is all kinda a new realization after a year where I handled this all really poorly so I’m happy to get opportunities to explore it like this.
FYI I have had a very similar experience to what you’re describing. You’re not alone. I too found that being kind to notme instead of shouting at them is helpful. And, I’ve found one of the things that helps most is feeling really seen/heard by others, so hopefully this helps!