I saw the main gains of the top post being the links. I don’t agree that the links contain only “don’ts”… but, well, so what if they did? If there are clumsy don’ts as routine mistakes, learning to recognise and avoid them is surely an improvement?
As these aren’t academic peer-reviewed articles, I can’t give you objective evidence in the form of citations and impact measures. What sort of metrics could one provide that would make them more convincingly expert? If these aren’t the best experts available I too would like to know who is better so as to learn more.
Can you identify even one person that has (as you put it) gained a few levels from these resources?
If you’re saying you’ll accept anecdotes as weak evidence, then yes, I am one data point there. :) Comments particularly on the pervocracy and Captain Awkward links contain other such claims.
As many have said—both here, and perhaps ironically, in many of those links too—it’s more productive to focus on behaviours rather than on labels for people. “Creeper” is a very laden term, probably very similar to “racist”—most of us don’t want to think of ourselves as someone with all the imputed characteristics of those labels, and we get defensive.
When I started being able to focus on behaviours (my own and others’), I recognised a number of ways in which my own biases, ignorance and negligence were costing me flawless victories in many social & business settings. This is why I wonder why there’s so much pushback, as the upgrades in general communication/social/people skills from a good reading of privilege and social justice are useful everywhere.
Rationality & intelligence should win, right? If smart women with better people skills than us have specific practical advice, how can we lose by listening carefully and bypassing our defensiveness? Even if only 1% of it were useful, don’t you want that 1%? I do.
I don’t agree that the links contain only “don’ts”… but, well, so what if they did? If there are clumsy don’ts as routine mistakes, learning to recognise and avoid them is surely an improvement?
For the reason I gave earlier: the weird stuff happens because they don’t know what the superior option is, not because they’re under the impression that it was a great idea all along. Moreover, to borrow from EY’s felicitous phrasing, non-wood is not a building material, non-selling-apples is not a business plan, and non-hugs-without-asking is not a social adeptness enhancement method.
As these aren’t academic peer-reviewed articles, …
you should probably avoid implying that they met such a standard with a statement like:
I have seen several posts in LW where someone moderately informed in a field comes to us with (my paraphrase) “there are many flaws and mistakes being made here, and time spent dealing with issues that are actually well understood in the field; here are some high-value expert resources that will quickly level you up in this field so you can at least now make interesting and important mistakes, rather than repeating basic mistakes the whole field moved past”
If you’re saying you’ll accept anecdotes as weak evidence, then yes, I am one data point there.
I accept anecdotes as weak evidence. I accept self-reports as weak(er) evidence. I do not, however, accept that this evidence suffices given the strength of your claim (and confidence in it), nor do I accept the comparison to the other articles you mentioned.
These are good points, and I don’t have great answers to them.
My weak answer is that in a field that isn’t well represented in peer-reviewed academic journals, we still have to sift it by some measures. I agree self-reports are close to worthless—we could find self-reports extolling the virtues of astrology and homeopathy.
My other weak answer is that Elevator-Gate and responses to the discussion of forming a Humanist+ community make it abundantly clear that the atheist/rationalist movement is widely perceived by a lot of smart women as both passively a horrible place to be and actively hostile to anyone who says so. I haven’t tried exhaustive online searches but I’m not finding even 1% of the same data volumes from women saying they find atheist/rationalist space actively attractive because of these attitudes.
If someone is routinely stepping on feet, it would make more sense to find out why, and offer non-destructive ways of accomplishing that. For example, if they’re stepping on feet to get attention, then offering the general rule of “don’t step on feet” is just setting yourself up to write an unending list of articles about ”… or lift people in the air”, ”… or play airhorns”, ”...or dress as a clown”, etc.
(And I know, “you’re not obligated to fix other people’s problems”, but once you’ve decided to go that route, you should take into account which methods are most effective, and “don’t [do this specific failure mode]” isn’t it.)
I find I agree with everything you’ve said, yet I’m still wondering what happens to the poor person whose foot has been stood on.
Perhaps I’m just restating and agreeing with “no obligation to fix others”, but the comments in the CaptainAwkward link address this specifically: the approach you describe still makes the person transgressing boundaries the focus of our attention and response. I find that caring about why someone routinely steps on feet is quite low on my list, and (perhaps this is my main point) something I’m only willing to invest resources in once they (1) stop stepping on people’s feet and (2) agree and acknowledge they shouldn’t be stepping on feet.
I’m also a bit skeptical of the idea you peripherally touch on, but we’re seeing in a lot of the comments in this post, that avoiding the “creeper” equivalent on stepping on toes is a tough bar to clear and is unfair to ask of someone with deficits in social/people/communication skills. I think it’s very telling that such people seldom seem to get into boundary-related trouble with anyone they recognise as more powerful than them (law enforcement; airport security; workplace bosses).
There was that study about (average, neurotypical) men’s supposed deficits in reading indirect communication compared to women that found that it’s basically rubbish—they can do it when they think they have to, and they don’t with women because they think they don’t have to. (Link is to non-academic summary, but has the links to the journal articles.)
I’m wandering well past your point here but you reminded me of this. :)
Certainly, if your main priority is stopping this behavior, that affects how your respond to it. But once you’ve decided to write articles telling the creeps how to act at events, and the advice is something other than “never go to events, just be alone”, then I think you need to offer advice more than “don’ts”.
And so if you’ve closed off the “they should just go away” route, then I think you have no choice but to offer solutions that avoid having to write the infinite list of articles about ”… or dance Irish jigs at random, either”. And that means saying what to do right.
I’m also a bit skeptical of the idea you peripherally touch on, but we’re seeing in a lot of the comments in this post, that avoiding the “creeper” equivalent on stepping on toes is a tough bar to clear and is unfair to ask of someone with deficits in social/people/communication skills.
I’ve never suggested that. That is an easy bar to clear indeed. My point is that clearing every such bar without positive advice (about what to do rather than not do) is hard. And so, again, you can certainly take the “who cares if they just never come at all?” approach, but since these articles don’t go that way, they have to do better than “don’ts”.
There was that study about (average, neurotypical) men’s supposed deficits in reading indirect communication compared to women that found that it’s basically rubbish
How is that relevant to the non-neurotypical creep type we’re concerned about here?
I am willing to attempt a separate Discussion post that attempts to put together specific, practical, measurable “do this (and here’s why)” techniques from a rationalist approach. (Or as close as possible; there won’t be a lot of peer-reviewed scholarly research here, but there is some.)
If there’s interest in this, I’d welcome assistance and critiques. I’m not stonewalling but I’m feeling we’ve wandered a bit too far from the OP.
I saw the main gains of the top post being the links. I don’t agree that the links contain only “don’ts”… but, well, so what if they did? If there are clumsy don’ts as routine mistakes, learning to recognise and avoid them is surely an improvement?
As these aren’t academic peer-reviewed articles, I can’t give you objective evidence in the form of citations and impact measures. What sort of metrics could one provide that would make them more convincingly expert? If these aren’t the best experts available I too would like to know who is better so as to learn more.
If you’re saying you’ll accept anecdotes as weak evidence, then yes, I am one data point there. :) Comments particularly on the pervocracy and Captain Awkward links contain other such claims.
As many have said—both here, and perhaps ironically, in many of those links too—it’s more productive to focus on behaviours rather than on labels for people. “Creeper” is a very laden term, probably very similar to “racist”—most of us don’t want to think of ourselves as someone with all the imputed characteristics of those labels, and we get defensive.
When I started being able to focus on behaviours (my own and others’), I recognised a number of ways in which my own biases, ignorance and negligence were costing me flawless victories in many social & business settings. This is why I wonder why there’s so much pushback, as the upgrades in general communication/social/people skills from a good reading of privilege and social justice are useful everywhere.
Rationality & intelligence should win, right? If smart women with better people skills than us have specific practical advice, how can we lose by listening carefully and bypassing our defensiveness? Even if only 1% of it were useful, don’t you want that 1%? I do.
For the reason I gave earlier: the weird stuff happens because they don’t know what the superior option is, not because they’re under the impression that it was a great idea all along. Moreover, to borrow from EY’s felicitous phrasing, non-wood is not a building material, non-selling-apples is not a business plan, and non-hugs-without-asking is not a social adeptness enhancement method.
you should probably avoid implying that they met such a standard with a statement like:
I accept anecdotes as weak evidence. I accept self-reports as weak(er) evidence. I do not, however, accept that this evidence suffices given the strength of your claim (and confidence in it), nor do I accept the comparison to the other articles you mentioned.
These are good points, and I don’t have great answers to them.
My weak answer is that in a field that isn’t well represented in peer-reviewed academic journals, we still have to sift it by some measures. I agree self-reports are close to worthless—we could find self-reports extolling the virtues of astrology and homeopathy.
My other weak answer is that Elevator-Gate and responses to the discussion of forming a Humanist+ community make it abundantly clear that the atheist/rationalist movement is widely perceived by a lot of smart women as both passively a horrible place to be and actively hostile to anyone who says so. I haven’t tried exhaustive online searches but I’m not finding even 1% of the same data volumes from women saying they find atheist/rationalist space actively attractive because of these attitudes.
I like your point about non-wood, but if someone tells you you are stepping on their foot, non-stepping-on-feet probably does need to figure prominently in your short term decision tree.
(Great link, it’s short, it’s to the point.)
If someone is routinely stepping on feet, it would make more sense to find out why, and offer non-destructive ways of accomplishing that. For example, if they’re stepping on feet to get attention, then offering the general rule of “don’t step on feet” is just setting yourself up to write an unending list of articles about ”… or lift people in the air”, ”… or play airhorns”, ”...or dress as a clown”, etc.
(And I know, “you’re not obligated to fix other people’s problems”, but once you’ve decided to go that route, you should take into account which methods are most effective, and “don’t [do this specific failure mode]” isn’t it.)
I find I agree with everything you’ve said, yet I’m still wondering what happens to the poor person whose foot has been stood on.
Perhaps I’m just restating and agreeing with “no obligation to fix others”, but the comments in the CaptainAwkward link address this specifically: the approach you describe still makes the person transgressing boundaries the focus of our attention and response. I find that caring about why someone routinely steps on feet is quite low on my list, and (perhaps this is my main point) something I’m only willing to invest resources in once they (1) stop stepping on people’s feet and (2) agree and acknowledge they shouldn’t be stepping on feet.
I’m also a bit skeptical of the idea you peripherally touch on, but we’re seeing in a lot of the comments in this post, that avoiding the “creeper” equivalent on stepping on toes is a tough bar to clear and is unfair to ask of someone with deficits in social/people/communication skills. I think it’s very telling that such people seldom seem to get into boundary-related trouble with anyone they recognise as more powerful than them (law enforcement; airport security; workplace bosses).
There was that study about (average, neurotypical) men’s supposed deficits in reading indirect communication compared to women that found that it’s basically rubbish—they can do it when they think they have to, and they don’t with women because they think they don’t have to. (Link is to non-academic summary, but has the links to the journal articles.)
I’m wandering well past your point here but you reminded me of this. :)
Certainly, if your main priority is stopping this behavior, that affects how your respond to it. But once you’ve decided to write articles telling the creeps how to act at events, and the advice is something other than “never go to events, just be alone”, then I think you need to offer advice more than “don’ts”.
And so if you’ve closed off the “they should just go away” route, then I think you have no choice but to offer solutions that avoid having to write the infinite list of articles about ”… or dance Irish jigs at random, either”. And that means saying what to do right.
I’ve never suggested that. That is an easy bar to clear indeed. My point is that clearing every such bar without positive advice (about what to do rather than not do) is hard. And so, again, you can certainly take the “who cares if they just never come at all?” approach, but since these articles don’t go that way, they have to do better than “don’ts”.
How is that relevant to the non-neurotypical creep type we’re concerned about here?
I am willing to attempt a separate Discussion post that attempts to put together specific, practical, measurable “do this (and here’s why)” techniques from a rationalist approach. (Or as close as possible; there won’t be a lot of peer-reviewed scholarly research here, but there is some.)
If there’s interest in this, I’d welcome assistance and critiques. I’m not stonewalling but I’m feeling we’ve wandered a bit too far from the OP.
I’m not saying either way which it is, but if only 1 percent is useful, that doesn’t mean the other 99 percent is neutral. It could very well be BAD.
Mm, that’s fair. I don’t think anything should be taken uncritically.