A message that seems useful, but that I feel like I don’t see often enough in discussions like this one, is that being a little bit creepy is a little bit bad — not zero, not horribly — and does not make you a “creep” who deserves no sympathy. I’m pretty sure that a lot of the defensiveness that comes up when creepiness is discussed comes from perceiving that one is being told that creepy behavior is unforgivable, and additionally easy to commit by mistake (“not a complete instruction set”) — in response to that, it’s really tempting to go on the defensive. (It is a fact about my brain that, when I first read the OP’s first link, I felt like I was being told this, and felt unsafe and angry and like I wanted to fight back. Looking at it more closely, it’s more sympathetic than my gut reaction thinks it is, but still mostly comes off as pointlessly nasty. Conversely, the third link’s tone is great.)
Unfortunately, I’m guessing that (equally natural) frustration with this defensiveness tends to polarize people away from being sympathetic to people-who-they’re-telling-not-to-be-creepy. Everyone loses.
A message that seems useful, but that I feel like I don’t see often enough in discussions like this one, is that being a little bit creepy is a little bit bad — not zero, not horribly — and does not make you a “creep” who deserves no sympathy. I’m pretty sure that a lot of the defensiveness that comes up when creepiness is discussed comes from perceiving that one is being told that creepy behavior is unforgivable, and additionally easy to commit by mistake (“not a complete instruction set”) — in response to that, it’s really tempting to go on the defensive. (It is a fact about my brain that, when I first read the OP’s first link, I felt like I was being told this, and felt unsafe and angry and like I wanted to fight back. Looking at it more closely, it’s more sympathetic than my gut reaction thinks it is, but still mostly comes off as pointlessly nasty. Conversely, the third link’s tone is great.)
Unfortunately, I’m guessing that (equally natural) frustration with this defensiveness tends to polarize people away from being sympathetic to people-who-they’re-telling-not-to-be-creepy. Everyone loses.