Why? Have women been complaining that you make them feel uncomfortable by how you talk to them?
Think of the basic advice in the first few links as being like a computer trouble shooting guide that starts off by saying “Is the plug in the socket? Is the socket turned on? Have you tried rebooting?”. Sort of a checklist, that you only need to work through if there is actually a problem.
Kind of like: “Do women glare and yell at you when you hug them? Check whether you’re using the PolyApproved (tm) procedure of making the awkward ‘wanna hug?’ gesture first, and only proceeding to an actual hug if the gesture is reciprocated. Note for advanced users: there are alternative procedures and short cuts which can be used at your own risk.”
It feels to me like a troubleshooting guide that continually insinuates how much of a frickin’ moron the user would be if they turned off the computer without properly shutting down (or any number of other explicitly-unstated foolish actions), except that troubleshooting guides normally can’t morally condemn you.
(The third link actually does read like a decent guide.)
I think I understand what nyan_sandwich means; some quotes from the link “My friend group has a case of the Creepy Dude. How do we clear that up?”:
LW, I know you love him, and I know you don’t want to hear this, but if he can’t agree to that, he can’t be your boyfriend anymore. Someone who would put the feelings of a serial sexual predator ahead of the safety of the person they claim to love is not a good partner.
It’s really fucking sad and unfair. Welcome to our culture, where it’s always this sad and unfair whenever women’s safety is on the line.
This is how far Rape Culture skews our vision. Being sexually harassed and assaulted is seen as something that you should be cool (i.e. quiet) about. But GOD FORBID you break up the weekly games night with the temerity to be a victim of such a crime! Don’t you know that your harasser has the best table for playing Settlers of Cataan?
I wrote-up a (draft) post on my own blog because I was offended by the implication that, by being a member of “society”, and one that is a Rape Culture by-the-way, I am culpable for rape, sexual assault, and the ongoing minimization of women’s safety.
And that post is actually one of the better ones, in that it doesn’t instruct the reader “don’t touch”.
I mean, don’t you know that everyone says you should be cool about being raped? Reading that makes me livid.
Why? Have women been complaining that you make them feel uncomfortable by how you talk to them?
Think of the basic advice in the first few links as being like a computer trouble shooting guide that starts off by saying “Is the plug in the socket? Is the socket turned on? Have you tried rebooting?”. Sort of a checklist, that you only need to work through if there is actually a problem.
Kind of like: “Do women glare and yell at you when you hug them? Check whether you’re using the PolyApproved (tm) procedure of making the awkward ‘wanna hug?’ gesture first, and only proceeding to an actual hug if the gesture is reciprocated. Note for advanced users: there are alternative procedures and short cuts which can be used at your own risk.”
Does the first link not come off to you as very aggressive and (almost) presuming guilt? (I can’t imagine how it couldn’t, so if it doesn’t to you I’m interested in your perspective.)
It feels to me like a troubleshooting guide that continually insinuates how much of a frickin’ moron the user would be if they turned off the computer without properly shutting down (or any number of other explicitly-unstated foolish actions), except that troubleshooting guides normally can’t morally condemn you.
(The third link actually does read like a decent guide.)
I think I understand what nyan_sandwich means; some quotes from the link “My friend group has a case of the Creepy Dude. How do we clear that up?”:
I wrote-up a (draft) post on my own blog because I was offended by the implication that, by being a member of “society”, and one that is a Rape Culture by-the-way, I am culpable for rape, sexual assault, and the ongoing minimization of women’s safety.
And that post is actually one of the better ones, in that it doesn’t instruct the reader “don’t touch”.
I mean, don’t you know that everyone says you should be cool about being raped? Reading that makes me livid.