But I don’t get why we don’t view an observation of events we caused, which another person doesn’t like, as an attack.
I think for an individual who is skilled enough about what stuff is theirs (what stuff they (and only they) can observe; what stuff they (and only they) can control), and what stuff isn’t theirs, then they would not register this as an attack.
In practice, though, I think many people are bad at this skill, and so when they hear someone say “(You’re doing a bad thing!)”, they interpret this not as just a remark that is coming from somewhere outside of themselves, but more as something coming from inside of them— as a statement already has merit.
Meanwhile, if you were to instead say “(You’ve been late : objective fact)”, you haven’t tried to make their judgement for them (as you would’ve in the previous example). Then they can step through the logic themselves and be like “Have I been late? Yes. Ok, what does that mean? …”.
(Praise can be harmful for the same reason.)
I’m writing a post about what I think is the generator and compressed representation of things like NVC, subscribe to my posts on my profile to get notified when i post it.
I think for an individual who is skilled enough about what stuff is theirs (what stuff they (and only they) can observe; what stuff they (and only they) can control), and what stuff isn’t theirs, then they would not register this as an attack.
In practice, though, I think many people are bad at this skill, and so when they hear someone say “(You’re doing a bad thing!)”, they interpret this not as just a remark that is coming from somewhere outside of themselves, but more as something coming from inside of them— as a statement already has merit.
Meanwhile, if you were to instead say “(You’ve been late : objective fact)”, you haven’t tried to make their judgement for them (as you would’ve in the previous example). Then they can step through the logic themselves and be like “Have I been late? Yes. Ok, what does that mean? …”.
(Praise can be harmful for the same reason.)
I’m writing a post about what I think is the generator and compressed representation of things like NVC, subscribe to my posts on my profile to get notified when i post it.