not because I’m expecting a large number of people to be impressed rather than confused/repelled by that, but because I’m more interested in meeting the (smaller number of) people who are interested/impressed/okay with that
I think the point is to be aware that you may also be driving away people who don’t mind it, or might be interested if they learned a little first. Or people who think it’s weird, and will judge you based on it if it’s the first thing they learn about you, but will shrug it off and agree to disagree if they’ve already learned to like you first.
Yeah, I’ve considered that. For me it’s just a little bit hard to avoid talking about under “What I’m doing with my life”, because that is what I want to do with my life. But I was aiming to signal something like “interesting and plausible enough to contact him and find out more” — maybe I’m overshooting that and landing in “he sounds crazy; ignore” territory for most people, even people who might otherwise be convinced of the correctness/desirability of the things I mention there.
P.S. …I just recognized your username! You messaged me a few months ago when I lived in Berkeley and I had a bit in my profile that said that I expected I’d usually be too shy to message people but not too shy to reply. Turned out I was too shy to reply. Sorry :( I wish I had replied. You sound cool.
But I was aiming to signal something like “interesting and plausible enough to contact him and find out more” — maybe I’m overshooting that
I should note that I was just responding to the previous comment here; I hadn’t seen your profile yet
P.S. …I just recognized your username! You messaged me a few months ago
but now I have to go see. Oh, yeah! I remember you.
Turned out I was too shy to reply. Sorry :(
No worries. :)
Your description of your sexuality sounds just about like the mirror image of mine. It’s tricky to describe, isn’t it? I took a crack at it in my “message me” section but I don’t know how good a job it does of explaining.
Anyway, about the strength of your statements re: singularity et al … I think the only part that I would expect to make someone o_O is the throwaway mark about humanity probably not surviving this century. I don’t think most humans believe that to be the case. Whether they’ve ever really thought about it or learned why anyone else thinks so is not the point; they don’t, so that might come off as crazy. Up to you whether to care.
The up-front declaration that you are Not Interested In Marriage Or Children Or Probably Even Exclusivity thing is new; what made you decide to add it?
Because I don’t want to lead people on if they’re looking for those things. Do you think it would be better to leave that out of the profile and just let my responses to the relevant matching questions filter for that sort of thing? (I actually need go back and change some of those to more than “a little important”...)
Well, it does a good shutting-down job, but you should definitely also fix your questions—you’re still at 97% with me even though I’m a fan of all three things.
But do you think it’s worded in a way that repels people with whom I could otherwise at least be friends? I don’t want to signal that I’m hostile to people who are looking for those things, only that I’m not personally looking for them in a relationship.
I don’t actively look for Just Friends on OKC, so I’m not sure how informative I can be about the search patterns of people who do. I didn’t get an impression of hostility, just a clear “Dead End” sign.
I think the point is to be aware that you may also be driving away people who don’t mind it, or might be interested if they learned a little first. Or people who think it’s weird, and will judge you based on it if it’s the first thing they learn about you, but will shrug it off and agree to disagree if they’ve already learned to like you first.
Yeah, I’ve considered that. For me it’s just a little bit hard to avoid talking about under “What I’m doing with my life”, because that is what I want to do with my life. But I was aiming to signal something like “interesting and plausible enough to contact him and find out more” — maybe I’m overshooting that and landing in “he sounds crazy; ignore” territory for most people, even people who might otherwise be convinced of the correctness/desirability of the things I mention there.
P.S. …I just recognized your username! You messaged me a few months ago when I lived in Berkeley and I had a bit in my profile that said that I expected I’d usually be too shy to message people but not too shy to reply. Turned out I was too shy to reply. Sorry :( I wish I had replied. You sound cool.
I should note that I was just responding to the previous comment here; I hadn’t seen your profile yet
but now I have to go see. Oh, yeah! I remember you.
No worries. :)
Your description of your sexuality sounds just about like the mirror image of mine. It’s tricky to describe, isn’t it? I took a crack at it in my “message me” section but I don’t know how good a job it does of explaining.
Anyway, about the strength of your statements re: singularity et al … I think the only part that I would expect to make someone o_O is the throwaway mark about humanity probably not surviving this century. I don’t think most humans believe that to be the case. Whether they’ve ever really thought about it or learned why anyone else thinks so is not the point; they don’t, so that might come off as crazy. Up to you whether to care.
The up-front declaration that you are Not Interested In Marriage Or Children Or Probably Even Exclusivity thing is new; what made you decide to add it?
Because I don’t want to lead people on if they’re looking for those things. Do you think it would be better to leave that out of the profile and just let my responses to the relevant matching questions filter for that sort of thing? (I actually need go back and change some of those to more than “a little important”...)
Well, it does a good shutting-down job, but you should definitely also fix your questions—you’re still at 97% with me even though I’m a fan of all three things.
But do you think it’s worded in a way that repels people with whom I could otherwise at least be friends? I don’t want to signal that I’m hostile to people who are looking for those things, only that I’m not personally looking for them in a relationship.
I don’t actively look for Just Friends on OKC, so I’m not sure how informative I can be about the search patterns of people who do. I didn’t get an impression of hostility, just a clear “Dead End” sign.