Google Search as a Washed Up Service Dog: “I HALP!”

As is customary, I whined (on IRC) about Google Search being unhelpful or actively counterproductive with the results these days and how it is not what it used to be. Specifically, I wanted to know something very niche, why many LTE modems sometimes take too long to disconnect. The hits were actively unhelpful, like “why does my internet keep disconnecting?” and there was NOT A SINGLE RELEVANT ENTRY in the first 10 pages. (And yes, I know the information is out there, you just can’t form a good query to find it.) Here is the best response by far (emphasis mine):

<quanticle> It reminds me of my friend’s dog. This dog was a candidate to be a guide/​helper dog for disabled people but, for whatever reason, just couldn’t pass the final test of guide dog academy. So, it had like… 90% of the training and instincts of a guide dog, but didn’t have anyone to actually guide. So it’d do some cute-but-in-retrospect-neurotic things like, if it noticed my friend cooking, it’d bring her a screwdriver? Why? Because, look, you’re doing a thing, and here’s a thing! I HALP
<quanticle> Google is like that dog