There are some people I don’t engage with because I don’t expect my engagement to leave either of us better off than my non-engagement.
There are many people I don’t engage with because I don’t expect their response to my engagement to leave me better off than their response to my non-engagement and I don’t much care about how it leaves them.
The sets of circumstances that leads me to those expectations and those values are many and varied, and I don’t know how I could begin to summarize the general case.
There are some people I engage with regularly, either because I expect doing so to leave us better off (for example, because I ordinarily enjoy interacting with them, or we can learn something from one another, or etc.) or because I’ve gotten into the habit and have not yet really noticed that our interactions are no longer providing value, or because I fear the costs of breaking contact are more than I want to pay in the short term despite probably leaving me better off in the long term.
Again, the set of circumstances that can lead me to those expectations are many and varied.
Ah, right. Sorry, I lost sight of your original context.
Hm.
There are people I’ve disengaged with, to whom I’ve never announced disengagement, because I expect the costs of that announcement to be high. For example, I expect them to respond by demanding further explanations for my decision, and then respond to that by explaining why my reasons for disengaging aren’t actually justified, and so on and so forth.
There are people I’ve disengaged with, to whom I’ve never announced disengagement, because it has seemed rude. That is, quietly ending an interaction is one thing, but saying “I’m not going to interact with you any more” has felt (in those contexts) like adding insult to injury.
So, turning those around… I guess the thing that would cause me to respond in this sense is being asked for such an explanation, in a context that makes me confident that the explanation will be accepted. (E.g., “Do you want to continue this conversation? It’s fine if you don’t, I’m just trying to establish whether we’re having a very slow conversation or not having a conversation at all.”)
There are some people I don’t engage with because I don’t expect my engagement to leave either of us better off than my non-engagement.
There are many people I don’t engage with because I don’t expect their response to my engagement to leave me better off than their response to my non-engagement and I don’t much care about how it leaves them.
The sets of circumstances that leads me to those expectations and those values are many and varied, and I don’t know how I could begin to summarize the general case.
What set of circumstances (or can you think of a set of circumstances that) would cause you TO respond?
There are some people I engage with regularly, either because I expect doing so to leave us better off (for example, because I ordinarily enjoy interacting with them, or we can learn something from one another, or etc.) or because I’ve gotten into the habit and have not yet really noticed that our interactions are no longer providing value, or because I fear the costs of breaking contact are more than I want to pay in the short term despite probably leaving me better off in the long term.
Again, the set of circumstances that can lead me to those expectations are many and varied.
I don’t mean “to respond regularly” I mean “to make some statement about ceasing interaction.”
Ah, right. Sorry, I lost sight of your original context.
Hm.
There are people I’ve disengaged with, to whom I’ve never announced disengagement, because I expect the costs of that announcement to be high. For example, I expect them to respond by demanding further explanations for my decision, and then respond to that by explaining why my reasons for disengaging aren’t actually justified, and so on and so forth.
There are people I’ve disengaged with, to whom I’ve never announced disengagement, because it has seemed rude. That is, quietly ending an interaction is one thing, but saying “I’m not going to interact with you any more” has felt (in those contexts) like adding insult to injury.
So, turning those around… I guess the thing that would cause me to respond in this sense is being asked for such an explanation, in a context that makes me confident that the explanation will be accepted. (E.g., “Do you want to continue this conversation? It’s fine if you don’t, I’m just trying to establish whether we’re having a very slow conversation or not having a conversation at all.”)