My answer is that in that situation, it’s not about you. For many people, being miserable in response to a situation that ordinarily triggers feelings of intense sadness is a human value; to give up being sad when very sad things happen would be to lose a part of what makes me me. I can understand that you would want me to be happy anyway, but it’s more than a little intrusive of you to insist on dictating my emotional state in that way.
Fair point. I should say, rather, “make sure not to expect your loved ones to ‘help you or anyone else’” with their emotions; sometimes emotions are legitimately self-serving.
As long as they know I wouldn’t want them to be sad.
I don’t really see how that form of grief is self-serving; if you need to grieve to get over my death, fine, but isn’t it more self-serving to be happy?
My answer is that in that situation, it’s not about you. For many people, being miserable in response to a situation that ordinarily triggers feelings of intense sadness is a human value; to give up being sad when very sad things happen would be to lose a part of what makes me me. I can understand that you would want me to be happy anyway, but it’s more than a little intrusive of you to insist on dictating my emotional state in that way.
I don’t think he was trying to dictate anyone’s emotional state.
Fair point. I should say, rather, “make sure not to expect your loved ones to ‘help you or anyone else’” with their emotions; sometimes emotions are legitimately self-serving.
As long as they know I wouldn’t want them to be sad.
I don’t really see how that form of grief is self-serving; if you need to grieve to get over my death, fine, but isn’t it more self-serving to be happy?