Very true. I hadn’t thought of it that way. By rejecting the corporate life of tie suits and promotions I’ve always liked to think I’m choosing a more genuine life, but maybe I just should admit I’m longing for another kind of prestige.
Your analysis reminds me of something Dale Carnegie said, that humans are ultimately defined by how they meet their need for greatness. I guess we can all agree that it’s not a bad thing to be uncomfortable with feeling unimportant.
However, the blurry difference between that aspiration and megalomania is one that worries me. I want to be excellent, to do something of value, to be admired; but I don’t want to delude myself. Reading LW has adjusted my estimate of my intelligence sharply downward, and currently one of my worst fears is that I’m only smart enough to not buy homeopathy, but not enough to actually improve my life.
currently one of my worst fears is that I’m only smart enough to not buy homeopathy, but not enough to actually improve my life.
That fear is pretty clearly unfounded—there are a LOT of stupid(er) people whose life is better than yours. I don’t think IQ is a binding constraint for you at the moment.
I want to be excellent, to do something of value, to be admired
From reading what you wrote I don’t believe you actually want to do something of value, rather it seems like you want to have done something of value. In the OP you said:
During that time it became clear to me that I wanted to be a writer.
All the writers whose blogs I read have very little respect for someone who “wants to be a writer”, as opposed to someone who wants to write. (This is not restricted to writing).
Incidentally, you wrote:
At their parties I feel alien, trying to understand conversations about authors and theories I ought to have read about but didn’t because I spent those formative years trying to not kill myself.
I don’t know what kind of theories are fashionable to talk about in Columbia, but if they’re anything like the ones similar people talk about in the US and Europe, they’re mostly nonsense, don’t worry that you don’t understand them.
Very true. I hadn’t thought of it that way. By rejecting the corporate life of tie suits and promotions I’ve always liked to think I’m choosing a more genuine life, but maybe I just should admit I’m longing for another kind of prestige.
Your analysis reminds me of something Dale Carnegie said, that humans are ultimately defined by how they meet their need for greatness. I guess we can all agree that it’s not a bad thing to be uncomfortable with feeling unimportant.
However, the blurry difference between that aspiration and megalomania is one that worries me. I want to be excellent, to do something of value, to be admired; but I don’t want to delude myself. Reading LW has adjusted my estimate of my intelligence sharply downward, and currently one of my worst fears is that I’m only smart enough to not buy homeopathy, but not enough to actually improve my life.
LW is a pretty high IQ environment and most people at the lower end of intelligence on LW at still ahead of 90% of the population.
That fear is pretty clearly unfounded—there are a LOT of stupid(er) people whose life is better than yours. I don’t think IQ is a binding constraint for you at the moment.
From reading what you wrote I don’t believe you actually want to do something of value, rather it seems like you want to have done something of value. In the OP you said:
All the writers whose blogs I read have very little respect for someone who “wants to be a writer”, as opposed to someone who wants to write. (This is not restricted to writing).
Incidentally, you wrote:
I don’t know what kind of theories are fashionable to talk about in Columbia, but if they’re anything like the ones similar people talk about in the US and Europe, they’re mostly nonsense, don’t worry that you don’t understand them.