There’s a pattern I’ve noticed in my self that’s quite self-destructive.
It goes something like this:
Meet new people that I like, try to hide all my flaws and be really impressive, so they’ll love me and accept me.
After getting comfortable with them, noticing that they don’t really love me if they don’t love the flaws that I haven’t been showing them.
Stop taking care of myself, downward spiral, so that I can see they’ll take care of me at my worst and I know they REALLY love me.
People justifiably get fed up with me not taking care of myself, and reject me. This triggers the thought that I’m unlovable.
Because I’m not lovable, when I meet new people, I have to hide my flaws in order for them to love me.
This pattern is destructive, and has been one of the main things holding me back from becoming as self-sufficient as I’d like. I NEED to be dependent on others to prove they love me.
What’s interesting about this pattern is how self-defeating it is. Do people not wanting to support me mean that they don’t love me? No, it just means that they don’t want to support another adult. Does hiding all my flaws help people accept me? No, it just sets me up for a crash later. Does constantly crashing from successful ventures help any of this? No, it makes it harder to seem successful, AND harder to be able to show my flaws without having people run away.
That sounds to me like the belief “I’m not lovable” causes you trouble and it would make sense to get rid of it. Transform Yourself provides one framework of how to go about it. The Lefkoe method would be a different one.
I’ve tried both of those, as well as a host of other tools. I only recently (the past year) developed the belief “I am lovable”, which allowed me to see this pattern. I can now belief report both ” I am lovable” and ” I’m not lovable”
There’s a pattern I’ve noticed in my self that’s quite self-destructive.
It goes something like this:
Meet new people that I like, try to hide all my flaws and be really impressive, so they’ll love me and accept me.
After getting comfortable with them, noticing that they don’t really love me if they don’t love the flaws that I haven’t been showing them.
Stop taking care of myself, downward spiral, so that I can see they’ll take care of me at my worst and I know they REALLY love me.
People justifiably get fed up with me not taking care of myself, and reject me. This triggers the thought that I’m unlovable.
Because I’m not lovable, when I meet new people, I have to hide my flaws in order for them to love me.
This pattern is destructive, and has been one of the main things holding me back from becoming as self-sufficient as I’d like. I NEED to be dependent on others to prove they love me.
What’s interesting about this pattern is how self-defeating it is. Do people not wanting to support me mean that they don’t love me? No, it just means that they don’t want to support another adult. Does hiding all my flaws help people accept me? No, it just sets me up for a crash later. Does constantly crashing from successful ventures help any of this? No, it makes it harder to seem successful, AND harder to be able to show my flaws without having people run away.
I’ve made significant progress on this by working on self-love and self-trust.
That sounds to me like the belief “I’m not lovable” causes you trouble and it would make sense to get rid of it. Transform Yourself provides one framework of how to go about it. The Lefkoe method would be a different one.
I’ve tried both of those, as well as a host of other tools. I only recently (the past year) developed the belief “I am lovable”, which allowed me to see this pattern. I can now belief report both ” I am lovable” and ” I’m not lovable”
Don’t have much else to say for now but :(