Generally, strategically living with other people (having your friends live next door, rather than strangers next door and friends in other parts of town) seems like something that could tremendously increase quality of life, but is difficult to organize. Kids just add another level of complexity to this problem.
The added complexity of living with kids is that you also need good schools nearby (unless your plan is to homeschool), and playgrounds. But more importantly, the place with kids needs to be larger than the place without kids. So for example, if you would already have a nice rationalist block of flats, with flats large enough for a pair of adults, they would not be large enough for a pair of adults with kids. So you either need to move after the kids are born, or you need to live in an unnecessarily large place before the kids are born. (Buying an unnecessarily large place, and then renting the extra rooms while you don’t have the kids, is a possible way to do it.)
If you are a millionaire who dreams about having a rationalist community house, you could probably pay someone to build a house according to your specification—you wouldn’t need to wait until one spontaneously appears on the market. There are already companies that build houses, they would probably be happy to have a guaranteed buyer; you might even get a discount. Though it might be difficult/expensive to find a place to build in a good location.
The problem of people needing different amount of place in different stages of life, could be solved by having places of different size in the house, so that you move to a different place when your kids are born, and move again when they leave home. Alternatively, some larger places could be shared by more couples without kids.
It would probably be good to have a silent “work/study room” where people could temporarily go with their computer to avoid all noise. And on the opposite side of house, a shared “playground”. Maybe also a “gym”; and some common room for talking / dancing / drinking, i.e. noisy activities for adolescents and grownups.
In my opinion, unless there are conflicts with neighbors, living with people you know is always better than living alone among strangers. To prevent conflicts, as they say: good fences make good neighbors. Every family should have their private place, where they make the ultimate decisions. Plus, there can be communal spaces. Living close to each other, but with the ability to close the door and leave everyone else outside, when you need it.
Kids aged 0 to 2 need to be with their parents almost constantly. But even then, friends living near can help with all other activities, such as shopping, cooking… or just being there and talking to you, to prevent you from going crazy.
After 3, kids can play together. An adult should supervise them, but the ratio of adults to kids improves dramatically. (In many aspects, having two kids is easier than having one. Two kids aged 3+ will play together a lot. One child will constantly seek your attention.) In a playground or a community garden, one adult is enough to supervise a group of children; especially if there is an option to call a parent in case of problem. Going anywhere else, there is the problem with safely crossing the street; plus the risk that multiple kids will simultaneously throw a tantrum, or decide to run away in opposite directions… so it’s like 90% of time it is okay, but you want to have some help for the remaining 10%. Essentially, you can have a small informal kindergarten.
The “good fences make good neighbors” thing is something I have heard elsewhere, and wonder about. I know it’s a widely repeated proverb, but I don’t know where it comes from. Do you have personal experience with why this is good wisdom? The obvious drawback with implementing it is cost (to duplicate facilities that are cheaper to share) and I would rather not incur the cost without understanding the why.
It’s pretty much the general reason for existence of private property. One person wants to do X with an object or a room, another person wants to do Y, both feel very strongly about their choices. What now? If the answer is “they will fight” or “they will behave passively-aggressively and the more persistent/annoying one wins”, this will lead to some very unpleasant behavior.
Yes, it is a trade-off: greater material costs for less fighting over things.
Personal experience: (1) I am introverted, when someone pisses me off, I need to get away from that person to cool down; if I don’t have that opportunity, it drives me crazy. (2) I have seen multiple women living in the same household fight over kitchen use. To lesser degree, also fights over TV. -- Both of these seem like minor problems, but “minor problem repeating every fucking day” becomes a huge problem.
Generally, strategically living with other people (having your friends live next door, rather than strangers next door and friends in other parts of town) seems like something that could tremendously increase quality of life, but is difficult to organize. Kids just add another level of complexity to this problem.
The added complexity of living with kids is that you also need good schools nearby (unless your plan is to homeschool), and playgrounds. But more importantly, the place with kids needs to be larger than the place without kids. So for example, if you would already have a nice rationalist block of flats, with flats large enough for a pair of adults, they would not be large enough for a pair of adults with kids. So you either need to move after the kids are born, or you need to live in an unnecessarily large place before the kids are born. (Buying an unnecessarily large place, and then renting the extra rooms while you don’t have the kids, is a possible way to do it.)
If you are a millionaire who dreams about having a rationalist community house, you could probably pay someone to build a house according to your specification—you wouldn’t need to wait until one spontaneously appears on the market. There are already companies that build houses, they would probably be happy to have a guaranteed buyer; you might even get a discount. Though it might be difficult/expensive to find a place to build in a good location.
The problem of people needing different amount of place in different stages of life, could be solved by having places of different size in the house, so that you move to a different place when your kids are born, and move again when they leave home. Alternatively, some larger places could be shared by more couples without kids.
It would probably be good to have a silent “work/study room” where people could temporarily go with their computer to avoid all noise. And on the opposite side of house, a shared “playground”. Maybe also a “gym”; and some common room for talking / dancing / drinking, i.e. noisy activities for adolescents and grownups.
In my opinion, unless there are conflicts with neighbors, living with people you know is always better than living alone among strangers. To prevent conflicts, as they say: good fences make good neighbors. Every family should have their private place, where they make the ultimate decisions. Plus, there can be communal spaces. Living close to each other, but with the ability to close the door and leave everyone else outside, when you need it.
Kids aged 0 to 2 need to be with their parents almost constantly. But even then, friends living near can help with all other activities, such as shopping, cooking… or just being there and talking to you, to prevent you from going crazy.
After 3, kids can play together. An adult should supervise them, but the ratio of adults to kids improves dramatically. (In many aspects, having two kids is easier than having one. Two kids aged 3+ will play together a lot. One child will constantly seek your attention.) In a playground or a community garden, one adult is enough to supervise a group of children; especially if there is an option to call a parent in case of problem. Going anywhere else, there is the problem with safely crossing the street; plus the risk that multiple kids will simultaneously throw a tantrum, or decide to run away in opposite directions… so it’s like 90% of time it is okay, but you want to have some help for the remaining 10%. Essentially, you can have a small informal kindergarten.
No experience with older kids, yet.
The “good fences make good neighbors” thing is something I have heard elsewhere, and wonder about. I know it’s a widely repeated proverb, but I don’t know where it comes from. Do you have personal experience with why this is good wisdom? The obvious drawback with implementing it is cost (to duplicate facilities that are cheaper to share) and I would rather not incur the cost without understanding the why.
It’s pretty much the general reason for existence of private property. One person wants to do X with an object or a room, another person wants to do Y, both feel very strongly about their choices. What now? If the answer is “they will fight” or “they will behave passively-aggressively and the more persistent/annoying one wins”, this will lead to some very unpleasant behavior.
Yes, it is a trade-off: greater material costs for less fighting over things.
Personal experience: (1) I am introverted, when someone pisses me off, I need to get away from that person to cool down; if I don’t have that opportunity, it drives me crazy. (2) I have seen multiple women living in the same household fight over kitchen use. To lesser degree, also fights over TV. -- Both of these seem like minor problems, but “minor problem repeating every fucking day” becomes a huge problem.