“attractive” to mean “having physical features that appeal to the sex drive”
Was with you up to here. I might call that “alluring”, rather than “attractive”, which I use to mean “appealing to my romantic drive” (as you put it), and not just from physical features, which seems like nearly the opposite meaning, and I used it in that sense in the part you just quoted (contrasting it with “arousing”, which I meant as a purely sexual turn-on). Was that your mistake or am I using a different terminology version?
the other half say they always coincide. I don’t know if the latter half make (or notice) any distinction between “pretty” and “sexy”.
Interesting. I’m surprised, but you seem to have better data that I do here. It had not occurred to me that these could be indistinguishable for some men. I wonder if that’s typical mind fallacy on my part, or if they just lack some awareness when trying to introspect and articulate their instincts.
Was that your mistake or am I using a different terminology version?
Yeah, this is a difference in terminology. To describe “having physical features that appeal to the sex drive”… “Alluring” is decent, although it might carry a connotation of “deliberately setting a lure”, of intentionality, and I want a word that covers the non-intentional. (Perhaps even primarily the non-intentional, because if I can tell that someone is deliberately making herself sexually appealing, that probably makes it “sexy”.) “Sexually appealing” might be slightly better—though, again, “appeal” can be a verb. I don’t have a name for it that I’m unambiguously pleased with.… I guess “sexually attractive” is probably best.
Bonus terminology item: People seem to often use “cute” to mean “pretty”, and possibly even to mean some aspects of “sexually appealing”. (Good lord, Google confirms that “informal North American” usage means “sexually attractive”.) I use “cute” to mean “having features reminiscent of a child or baby, which makes me want to watch over them, hug them, and take care of them”; and I think it’s probably best not to use the same word to mean what attracts people to adults. Now, it is possible for adults to be cute in the above sense, and for that to increase their overall appeal (because it’s an extra reason to look at them, so if their looks are appealing, it magnifies the effect of their looks), and some adults do deliberately try to be cuter to attract attention. I have misgivings about what might happen if this goes too far.
Another bonus item (not serious). “Toothsome” means tasty; one could say it means you’d like to get your teeth into it. By analogy, “handsome” therefore means… Ahem. Anyway.
It had not occurred to be that [“pretty” and “sexy”] could be indistinguishable for some men. I wonder if that’s typical mind fallacy on my part, or if they just lack some awareness when trying to introspect and articulate their instincts.
I haven’t tried to research it. I do have the impression that men are commonly aware of a distinction between “someone who would be a good wife” and “someone you’d just want short-term sex with”, but the former could refer to character, mind, etc.; I don’t have evidence specifically about whether they distinguish between physical characteristics that have “sexual appeal” vs “romantic appeal”.
I think a good analogy to long term relationship and short term hookup is that you are basically interviewing for different job positions with different responsibilities and skill sets. For some people, they don’t have any requirements or have very little requirements while others have more. How much each position overlaps depends on the individual and probably upbringing based on their own parents’ lifestyle. If they like their parents’ dynamics, then they know exactly what they want for long term. If they don’t, then they don’t really know and have to basically sort of “find themselves” first. If you reject your upbringing, then you have to go on a personal journey at some point because once you reject everything that you have, you have nothing. This usually happens early in life as the rebellious phase of the teenage years is when a child starts to question everything they’ve come to take for granted up until now. The thing with long term relationship is that people don’t really explore who they are in terms of this until much later in life when they have to settle down. The problem is that they can’t afford to explore at that point in life. If you don’t like something it’s not something that you can just easily throw away like some short term fling.
I think people should be taught life long responsibilities early so they know what to look out for at each step in life. It’s hard to gauge how much you should focus on for the small picture if you don’t have a big picture of the whole thing. I wonder if most parents teach their kids this stuff or maybe they don’t even know about this themselves.
Was with you up to here. I might call that “alluring”, rather than “attractive”, which I use to mean “appealing to my romantic drive” (as you put it), and not just from physical features, which seems like nearly the opposite meaning, and I used it in that sense in the part you just quoted (contrasting it with “arousing”, which I meant as a purely sexual turn-on). Was that your mistake or am I using a different terminology version?
Interesting. I’m surprised, but you seem to have better data that I do here. It had not occurred to me that these could be indistinguishable for some men. I wonder if that’s typical mind fallacy on my part, or if they just lack some awareness when trying to introspect and articulate their instincts.
Yeah, this is a difference in terminology. To describe “having physical features that appeal to the sex drive”… “Alluring” is decent, although it might carry a connotation of “deliberately setting a lure”, of intentionality, and I want a word that covers the non-intentional. (Perhaps even primarily the non-intentional, because if I can tell that someone is deliberately making herself sexually appealing, that probably makes it “sexy”.) “Sexually appealing” might be slightly better—though, again, “appeal” can be a verb. I don’t have a name for it that I’m unambiguously pleased with.… I guess “sexually attractive” is probably best.
Bonus terminology item: People seem to often use “cute” to mean “pretty”, and possibly even to mean some aspects of “sexually appealing”. (Good lord, Google confirms that “informal North American” usage means “sexually attractive”.) I use “cute” to mean “having features reminiscent of a child or baby, which makes me want to watch over them, hug them, and take care of them”; and I think it’s probably best not to use the same word to mean what attracts people to adults. Now, it is possible for adults to be cute in the above sense, and for that to increase their overall appeal (because it’s an extra reason to look at them, so if their looks are appealing, it magnifies the effect of their looks), and some adults do deliberately try to be cuter to attract attention. I have misgivings about what might happen if this goes too far.
Another bonus item (not serious). “Toothsome” means tasty; one could say it means you’d like to get your teeth into it. By analogy, “handsome” therefore means… Ahem. Anyway.
I haven’t tried to research it. I do have the impression that men are commonly aware of a distinction between “someone who would be a good wife” and “someone you’d just want short-term sex with”, but the former could refer to character, mind, etc.; I don’t have evidence specifically about whether they distinguish between physical characteristics that have “sexual appeal” vs “romantic appeal”.
I think a good analogy to long term relationship and short term hookup is that you are basically interviewing for different job positions with different responsibilities and skill sets. For some people, they don’t have any requirements or have very little requirements while others have more. How much each position overlaps depends on the individual and probably upbringing based on their own parents’ lifestyle. If they like their parents’ dynamics, then they know exactly what they want for long term. If they don’t, then they don’t really know and have to basically sort of “find themselves” first. If you reject your upbringing, then you have to go on a personal journey at some point because once you reject everything that you have, you have nothing. This usually happens early in life as the rebellious phase of the teenage years is when a child starts to question everything they’ve come to take for granted up until now. The thing with long term relationship is that people don’t really explore who they are in terms of this until much later in life when they have to settle down. The problem is that they can’t afford to explore at that point in life. If you don’t like something it’s not something that you can just easily throw away like some short term fling.
I think people should be taught life long responsibilities early so they know what to look out for at each step in life. It’s hard to gauge how much you should focus on for the small picture if you don’t have a big picture of the whole thing. I wonder if most parents teach their kids this stuff or maybe they don’t even know about this themselves.