Now something controversial. (Heh.) I believe that higher intelligence is always a plus, for both sexes. However, many women report that men feel threatened by smart women. How is that possible? I suspect that these women are not entirely correct. What I think I observe in such situation is women using their education as a symbol of higher status. Yes, telling your man every day that he is inferior to you and your university-educated friends (including male friends) is generally a bad idea for a happy relationship.
Because you flagged it as controversial, I’d like to separately point out that I think this one is true and important.
High-status men instinctively do not like to give up that status. Putting a woman on a pedestal, for any reason, is not going to make her like you when it’s at the cost of your own status, because the woman’s stone-age instinct is attracted to men of high status, even if she liked you before, and allowing her to do the same (i.e., put herself on a pedestal at the cost of the man’s status) is going to have the same effect. Thus, the man is forced to either give up what makes him attractive in the first place, or fight to keep it. Of course that’s threatening. Most high-status behaviors one could name consist of opening oneself up to attack. That status is lost, very quickly, if someone else calls the bluff, unless, of course, once can win in the ensuing escalation.
Intelligence in women is not unattractive to men. It’s correlated with health, and therefore fertility, and also a sign of good genes.
Men are supposed to compete with other men. Women are supposed to compete with other women.
A woman trying to compete with a man she likes is playing a lose/lose game. If she loses, she will hate him for making her lose. If she wins, she will stop respecting him for being a loser.
I guess the confusion happens because women are encouraged to take traditional men’s roles, be competitive, make careers, etc. And, as long as it’s “just work”, why not? But do not bring that style into a relationship. Relations are not supposed to be competitions. Perhaps seeing the man of your dreams being competitive makes you horny, but it doesn’t work the other way round. Men often have enough competition at their work; they want to take a break at home.
(Also, male hierarchies have different traditional rules of fighting than female hierarchies. Men fight hard; then they shake hands and have a beer together. Women smile at each other, and wait for the right moment to stab in the back; they never forgive. So, a man and a woman fighting will perceive each other as someone who breaks the rules. “Why does he always have to win?” “Why can’t she ever leave the subject?”)
Because you flagged it as controversial, I’d like to separately point out that I think this one is true and important.
High-status men instinctively do not like to give up that status. Putting a woman on a pedestal, for any reason, is not going to make her like you when it’s at the cost of your own status, because the woman’s stone-age instinct is attracted to men of high status, even if she liked you before, and allowing her to do the same (i.e., put herself on a pedestal at the cost of the man’s status) is going to have the same effect. Thus, the man is forced to either give up what makes him attractive in the first place, or fight to keep it. Of course that’s threatening. Most high-status behaviors one could name consist of opening oneself up to attack. That status is lost, very quickly, if someone else calls the bluff, unless, of course, once can win in the ensuing escalation.
Intelligence in women is not unattractive to men. It’s correlated with health, and therefore fertility, and also a sign of good genes.
Men are supposed to compete with other men. Women are supposed to compete with other women.
A woman trying to compete with a man she likes is playing a lose/lose game. If she loses, she will hate him for making her lose. If she wins, she will stop respecting him for being a loser.
I guess the confusion happens because women are encouraged to take traditional men’s roles, be competitive, make careers, etc. And, as long as it’s “just work”, why not? But do not bring that style into a relationship. Relations are not supposed to be competitions. Perhaps seeing the man of your dreams being competitive makes you horny, but it doesn’t work the other way round. Men often have enough competition at their work; they want to take a break at home.
(Also, male hierarchies have different traditional rules of fighting than female hierarchies. Men fight hard; then they shake hands and have a beer together. Women smile at each other, and wait for the right moment to stab in the back; they never forgive. So, a man and a woman fighting will perceive each other as someone who breaks the rules. “Why does he always have to win?” “Why can’t she ever leave the subject?”)
jfc