I am occasionally appalled by just how easy it is to get people to do things just by telling them to.
I think this might be the crux of the politeness/directness argument we had here a while back. It’s so easy to get things done by just asking/telling people to do them that anything less direct often feels like unnecessary effort and verbiage.
That’s an interesting take on politeness/directness.
Am I understanding correctly that you see the primary purpose of your interactions with people to be getting things done in the short term, such that effort devoted to other goals feels wasted?
If so… I think you’re right: if that’s a widely held perspective, that would explain a lot of the disconnect around this question.
Am I understanding correctly that you see the primary purpose of your interactions with people to be getting things done in the short term, such that effort devoted to other goals feels wasted?
I personally switch between socialising mode and getting-stuff-done mode, such that in doing-stuff mode I often find it difficult to remember to respect status or use politeness (while in socialising mode it doesn’t feel like a chore at all, it just feels like normal interaction). The kinds of responses I saw on the last big argument thread gave me the impression that there are people here who spend most of their time in doing-stuff mode—there was a lot of lamenting going on about how much easier it would be to get stuff done if people didn’t require so much politeness.
I don’t think so. To some extent, a sufficiently shared set of assumptions makes unadorned shorthand conversation more efficient than dressing it up. But from much observation of the politeness/directness argument in its many forms over the decades, particularly on the internet, I still think the key point is that rude nerds demand the right to be impolite to others, but reliably explode when they get the same back, even in the same conversation—a simple failure to reciprocate, despite claiming they do so. The previous discussion has plenty of examples of such explosions and I also linked to a long, long list of them.
I think this might be the crux of the politeness/directness argument we had here a while back. It’s so easy to get things done by just asking/telling people to do them that anything less direct often feels like unnecessary effort and verbiage.
That’s an interesting take on politeness/directness.
Am I understanding correctly that you see the primary purpose of your interactions with people to be getting things done in the short term, such that effort devoted to other goals feels wasted?
If so… I think you’re right: if that’s a widely held perspective, that would explain a lot of the disconnect around this question.
I personally switch between socialising mode and getting-stuff-done mode, such that in doing-stuff mode I often find it difficult to remember to respect status or use politeness (while in socialising mode it doesn’t feel like a chore at all, it just feels like normal interaction). The kinds of responses I saw on the last big argument thread gave me the impression that there are people here who spend most of their time in doing-stuff mode—there was a lot of lamenting going on about how much easier it would be to get stuff done if people didn’t require so much politeness.
I don’t think so. To some extent, a sufficiently shared set of assumptions makes unadorned shorthand conversation more efficient than dressing it up. But from much observation of the politeness/directness argument in its many forms over the decades, particularly on the internet, I still think the key point is that rude nerds demand the right to be impolite to others, but reliably explode when they get the same back, even in the same conversation—a simple failure to reciprocate, despite claiming they do so. The previous discussion has plenty of examples of such explosions and I also linked to a long, long list of them.